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This is a discussion on New Here within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Hey hey I'm new here and am writing not to complain or anything or because I'm depressed. No. Really I'm ...

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Old 06-26-06, 12:49 AM   #1
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Hey hey I'm new here and am writing not to complain or anything or because I'm depressed. No. Really I'm just typing all this stuff out to show others it's not really so bad.

First off I'm 25 and have been in only 2 serious relationships. Both of them ended rediculusly bad. The first was when I was a jr. in HS. We had been going out for almost 11months and I was totally in love. Anyway, one day I drove by her (she was going the other direction in her car) and waved as I went to work durring the summer. Little did I know that that was the last time I'd ever see her. Evidently, according to the reports, about 5 minutes after I saw her she ran off a country road. The car flipped long ways end over end almost 4 times and caught on fire. She basically burned to death. I found out about this about half way through my work day.

The second was when I was 21. I was with the most amazing girl I'd ever known. We were together for about 2 years. Anyway, she was cheating on me. I knew it for almost 4 months but was in denial because I loved her. Anyway, I caught her one day. All the feelings from the first and the second compiled together and I did some bad things to the second girl that I regret. Also my heart was pretty much destroyed at this point. Bad Times

Between that and the first one I have a very low opinion of women. I look at most women now and see nothing except for shit. I've had a lot of women hit on me at bars and stuff and I don't believe a single word they say anymore or I just feel like taking advantage of them. However, at the same time I'm lonely.

But through all this crap there is still a girl I respect more than anything. I might even love her, I don't know. She's pretty much everything I've looked for in a woman but she lives in Switzerland. Oh well.

Anyway, I've discovered the key to happyness for me is to bury myself in the work I like and to just reject anyone who flirts with me. I'm sort of lonely most of the time but it's better then the last things that happened to me again.
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Old 06-27-06, 08:28 PM   #2
 
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Helperdude, I can relate but in the reverse, for you see, I'm female. I think men use women every chance they can get. They are unconsciousenable (if there is such a word but you get the drift). I think men are incapable of seeing a woman for anything but a sexual partner. I think they are shallow. I think men are incapable of real love. But, I don't set out to use them. I did something even more self destructive. I got so fat that no man would ever want me or be attracted to me. It worked. I haven't been with a man for any reason for years. Even the drunk ones aren't fooled by beer bottle eyes. Hows that for fat. Yes, I'm lonely too. But I don't think its any use in even entertaining the thought of finding someone to love and be loved by.
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Old 06-27-06, 08:40 PM   #3
 
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"Anyway, I've discovered the key to happyness for me is to bury myself in the work I like and to just reject anyone who flirts with me. I'm sort of lonely most of the time but it's better then the last things that happened to me again."

Helper Dude, your life is probably going to really long, sad, and lonely unless you can find a way to move past this and learn to trust again. Relationships can go either way and people do mean things. Lots of people bury themselves in their work, then wake up 20 years later and wonder how they got so lonely.

I posted something yesterday (i think) about coming home after work to emptiness and a long evening ahead of me. I hate that and when the opportunity comes along to find someone special, I'm taking it. I have been hurt so many times, had a bad first marriage, the second husband died, and on and on...but having someone special is nice.

Not everybody needs that, of course. What I am saying is that if you want that, ultimately you are going to have to trust again and take the risk. There are no other choices - dive into the pool or watch from the side and get (sun)burned.

Go forth and flirt - when you're ready. I'll cheer you on!
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Old 06-27-06, 08:43 PM   #4
 
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Wow. Heavy. Well, I can lie and stuff but I won't. the only girl in the whole entire world I open up to is my friend in Switzerland. I've been her pen pal for over 7 years and we are all sorts of close. The girl who cheated on me made me different then what I was before that.

The bottom line is that I'm a guy. I used to be all deep and stuff untill my ex decided to cheat on me. I've had a lot of one night stands since then mainly because in my mind I was getting back at the female population. But I've stopped that. In the end I'm just a dude. I was in the army for 4 years. I like beer. I like football and soccer. I collect old WW2 rifles and if I want to be I'm charming as hell.

As far as women go I've pretty much put my sex drive on hold untill I graduate here next year.

In my opinion, don't get fat. Your just becoming an american stereotype and only hurting yourself. Plus you'll feel like crap when you are large and in charge ish.

OH yeah, sorry if this didn't go anywhere. English isn't my best language and my mind wonders a lot. :)
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Old 06-27-06, 08:50 PM   #5
 
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ha, Helper Dude I assumed you were a guy because you have "dude" instead of dudeess. Guess it doesnt matter, but you threw me when you said the bottom line is that you're a guy. Which, doesn't matter in relationships...they can all go belly up:)

I say graduate and get to Switzerland!! (ha, you already have that planned, I'm sure)
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Old 06-27-06, 08:52 PM   #6
 
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Default helperdude

Where are you from if english is not your first language?

Sorry if I was too heavy....what you said pressed some painful buttons with me.

As for an american stereotype, be careful not to be too arrogant. It is so easy to pick at the splinter in someone else's eye, yet ignore that beam of wood in your own eye. I'm not fat because I like junkfood. I'm fat to protect myself from sexual predators. I got fat hoping to find the truly deep, sensitive, evolved man. Big difference. By the way, I didn't find him. He doesn't exist.
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Old 06-27-06, 09:19 PM   #7
 
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irish--- dudeess? I've never heard of this lol now Dudette! Yeah I'm a guy.

Kss---Well, I'm 3rd Gen german here in the US. I spoke more german then actual English as a kid. I'm all american though. I've never lived out of the US. I'm just making fun of how a lot of other countries see us.

I'm not really that arrogant. There's a fine line between arrogance and saying what people don't think is the proper thing to say. I'm just saying don't get fat to protect yourself from anything. That's my opinion. No matter how deep a guy is emotionally he still has carnal desires. Now this may sound like I'm bashing fat people but really no. I'm just saying that it's harder to find prince charming if you limit yourself to only guys who are turned on by curvy women. Thanks to todays media finding a guy who likes this is probobly challenging. :)
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Old 06-27-06, 09:48 PM   #8
 
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Default helperdude!

Thats just the point. Why must men be turned on by a physique. Why can't they be turned on by intelligence, or creativity, or a gentle heart, or caring nature or ability to listen or ability to manage many things at once or even, the3 ability to whip up a good meal. For some women, that is a great skill. These kind of women, who don't have the body type everyone seems to want, I tell you because of discussions I've had with scores of them, are not undesireable in the sack either. So, why is it firstly about curves, boobs, legs, eyes, whatever!!!!!!!!!!??????? I will tell you that I have not been attracted to men who most find incredibly handsome and I've been overwhelmed with desire and caring and love for a bald, moody guy with intelligence and insight, He didn't feel the same way toward me. Guess maybe I'm just too fat, eh? Men focus too much on the physical and not enough on the heart. It should be in the reverse, or at least in balance. So, I say to you men, evolve!
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Old 06-27-06, 10:28 PM   #9
 
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Well, most men are like this across the scale. Everyguy for the most part has that one thing that he will find irresistable in a woman. Some love a great cook. Some like a girl who'll mother him. And some are all about the T&A. Personally I'm a sucker for a french accent over almost everything else. Why? because us guys are programmed like this.

Like it or not 99% of all guys are very tactile and not so much mental when finding a woman we like. When we go out and first see some girl we want to talk to we don't think "man I bet she'd be a blast to talk to" we think " man she's a total babe." We eventually get more on an emotional level with you women but it takes some time. This sucks because 99% of women are more mental when finding a guy.
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Old 06-27-06, 10:41 PM   #10
 
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HelperDude

That was a great description of what men are attracted to and why. I don't know, I just like the way that you said it. Made sense to me.

I get what kss is saying in that we (women) want to be wanted and needed and appreciated for who we are, not what we look like. Yet, your description of the physical attraction first, then guys getting to the emotional stuff, makes sense.

Thanks.
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