My Mother
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My Mother

This is a discussion on My Mother within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I don't know what to do about her. She really needs help herself, she hurt me emotionally and I haven't ...

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Old 01-18-12, 07:23 PM   #1
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I don't know what to do about her. She really needs help herself, she hurt me emotionally and I haven't talked to her for over 2 months (started before the holidays). Here is the back story if anyone cares to read: WARNING LONG READ.

My parents divorced over 16 years ago when I was 11. Even though it was 16 years past, my father is still obligated to pay alimony to her and was forced to give over half of his retirement package to her (IMO this should not be happening, I dunno what kind of judge would do this to a man, after working 30 years in a coke oven he has never smoked a day in his life but has holes in his lungs from his work) Anyways I'm getting off topic....

A few months ago my mother called me to help her out and drive her to a couple appointments. I was a little taken a back because she has her own van. I asked what happened to it. She said it broke down and had no money to fix it and will be selling it. One appointment I drove her to was to a community services branch to help her pay for her hydro because they cut it off because she couldn't afford it.

I asked her what happened to all her money she got from my dad (over $50 grand lump sum) just last year. She said it's all gone. This made me furious (I live with my boyfriend and we have been living on half that). I seen how she spent her money, she even "treated" me to visitng back home in Europe... and I know for a fact she was banking on me "getting famous" so I can pay her back that money, and so she can mooch off me later on (thats all she was saying to all our family back home in Europe- I'm gonna be famous soon!), well that did not happen (I wish it did, lol). She lives by herself and she goes grocery shopping to costco, and when my bro had his baby she was in a Grandma war on who can get the kid the most stuff... smh. No offense to my niece but a new born baby isn't going to remember the stuff you got for her, you know?

So I gave her a lecture. I told her to either get on disability, or welfare, but she is refusing to go on welfare because she doesn't want to move into housing. Instead she said she was gonna go back home to Europe and "be a pastor/preacher". I told her she is just running away from her problems like she did when her and my father were going through divorce... she basically kidnapped me and my siblings and we jumped a plane to Europe during the divorce. What I did not know at the time is that she used mine and my twin's college savings to do this. There went our future education...

Well apparently I am in no position to be giving my mother any kind of lectures because I self medicate with marijuana. I told her she is ruining my father by stealing his money that he worked hard for. After I said that she flipped on me and said many hurtful things. She said she is gonna take my father down for everything that he has (mind you this is coming from a Jesus freak christian, what happened to the forgiveness she constantly preaches about?) She said he ruined her life by giving her 3 kids, by him cheating on her. If she never had kids she wouldn't be as "sick" as she is now (she is obese, on the verge of diabetes. She has never exercised since she was 30... she is approaching 60). Everyone ruined her life but her, and its not her fault she is in the position she is in, it's my fathers because he isn't paying her enough.

After our fight I went to vent to my sister in law (my niece's mother) about what happened, I told her everything I said to my mom (including the grandma war). It felt good to talk to someone who thinks my mom is as crazy as I think, lol.

Well later that night I got a call from my mother saying I ruined her relationship with my sister in law and my brother by "prying" into her business, and that it was none of my business in the first place, and that I needed to apologize to her for ruining everything.
I ended up hanging up on her because she kept saying how I was "ruining everything". I haven't talked to her since.

She has talked to my brother and sister, telling them if I want to ever talk to her that I need to apologize to her. So I said she need to apologize to me. I also told them how I am sick and tired of her "preaching" yet she doesn't put it into practice. Every time I visit her she ends up preaching to me- it never fails. She then told my sister to tell me to stop talking about cannabis all the time (which I never do around her because I know she doesn't like it). Medical cannabis is something I am very passionate of and I am pushing for its legalization, so I like to keep my friends updated on any news via facebook and such. Because my mom is on FB I decided to block her from my profile since she doesn't appreciate anything I ever have to say, and she wont have to deal with my "cannabis bullshit".

*Sigh* Sorry for the long post... I just needed to get these thoughts out from my head because this is eating me up.
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Old 01-18-12, 07:35 PM   #2
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