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"Love yourself and enjoy being single"

This is a discussion on "Love yourself and enjoy being single" within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; So apparently me asking out women is a bad thing. I met a lady last week and got her number, ...

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Old 03-31-15, 01:15 AM   #11
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So apparently me asking out women is a bad thing.

I met a lady last week and got her number, and we had been talking for a short time until one of our mutual friends emailed me asking me not to talk to her! I asked why and she said she didn't want me dating any of her friends. The girl then stopped all contact with me, and the mutual friend and I are no longer friends. Her doing, not mine.

I swear it's a goddamn conspiracy to keep me alone and single. I don't get it. Why do people do this to others. I literally have no hope of even having the courage to ask anyone else out now. The more I feel this way, the more I think why bother?

I can't even vent to my friends! Nobody wants to talk about it or help me in any way! They WANT me to be alone and single! Why does everybody want me to die alone and miserable??!!
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Old 04-01-15, 11:43 PM   #12
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This is really strange....you should not give up. Get the opposite reaction.

Instead of being discouraged, get mad and try harder (with a different woman though).

Find some "fresh" people, outside of the circle you are in.
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Old 04-02-15, 03:43 PM   #13
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It isn't all that strange to find people sabotaging potential partners just because they are friends.

I agree with the above post though, if things are not working out in this way, expand your circle of contacts. Don't get discouraged at one potential partner that didn't work out. In the end, everyone you wish to go after is only potential until something more happens that takes it from interest to a more solid thing.
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Old 04-03-15, 10:15 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrooklynBuc View Post
So apparently me asking out women is a bad thing.

I met a lady last week and got her number, and we had been talking for a short time until one of our mutual friends emailed me asking me not to talk to her! I asked why and she said she didn't want me dating any of her friends. The girl then stopped all contact with me, and the mutual friend and I are no longer friends. Her doing, not mine.

I swear it's a goddamn conspiracy to keep me alone and single. I don't get it. Why do people do this to others. I literally have no hope of even having the courage to ask anyone else out now. The more I feel this way, the more I think why bother?

I can't even vent to my friends! Nobody wants to talk about it or help me in any way! They WANT me to be alone and single! Why does everybody want me to die alone and miserable??!!
yeah, Same for me. My ex-boyfriend/player, now just friend!!! Doesn't want me dating any of his friends at all.... Are you friggin kidding me???? So you have a future wife and main side chick probably a few more on the side. I can't date his friends????


Apparently his friends are all off limits. After I broke it off with him initially (because I found out he had a wife and sidechick) and high tailed it out of there. I dated his best friend, I thought he would be cool with it and he wasn't at all. He doesn't know till this day I was with his best friend for about 6 months. he still trying to figure out if I slept with his best friend. Hell...you 'pimped me out" buddy.

So he is the only one that can be happy and have sex. Just so one sided. What happens if I find happiness and love with one of his friends???? Not fair to his friend or me. I just don't get it. It pisses me off.

So, maybe this friend of yours shouldn't be a friend of yours. Let it go and move on. I don't get it either. Looks like she gave her friend shit too. Don't give up on finding someone to love. Hell Like I said I'm 45 and still looking for someone to love. I know it's not easy.
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Old 04-06-15, 03:53 AM   #15
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UPDATE:

I haven't talked to her or her friend. She knows a lot of people in my circle of work, so basically any females I meet are a risk of her being a land mine.

I hate her. I literally helped with a work project that she couldn't do on her own and this is the thanks I get. She gets to have a boyfriend who's dumb as burning cotton and she's all "well...one day..." She's an awful person who's selfish and egotistical. It's no loss on my life. It still sucks because I hate to carry a grudge, but it hurts and I'm tired of it hurting.

It kills me that none of my friends ever do the matchmaker thing for me. They will go into detail about "guy A is single and he doesn't deserve to be! Let's hook him up!" but act like I'm this player who meets girls with no problem, which is FAR from the truth.

I do have some very good people in my life, but all of them are either married or in committed relationships and their best answer involve the typical "stop looking and it'll come to you when you least expect it" or "well...it'll happen."

I've gone back to the awful world of online dating. I hate it but it's the best way to meet new people without racking up an expensive bar tab again.

I feel so pathetic and useless. I wish there were some magic button or a class like in the movies to tell me what's so wrong with me. The sad part is that my confidence is shot so I have to fake it in social situations.
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Old 04-06-15, 03:34 PM   #16
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You have to let go the grunge for that woman. The only person it's hurting - it's you.

Stop counting on your friends, may be they are not really good friends. Your happiness should not depend on that! It's in your hands, take full responsibility for it.

But in the future be very protective and reserved about your personal life. Don't share information about your dates, crushes or interest in certain people with anybody who can have an affect on it. Don't tell anybody until you know your relationship is secure and no one can affect it.

Sometimes people are simply jealous. Even the ones who are already married or have a relationship. It is hard to understand and really unnecessary. They just don't want other people to be happy.

Stop talking about your personal life with anybody at all (except here, here you will get needed support and advice). Tall about anything else and meanwhile just keep secretly working on your personal happiness: online, at the bar, at the gym, wherever...

One of my favorites lately: "unbroken" motivational video. Watch it, you might find something for you in it.
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Old 04-10-15, 11:00 PM   #17
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I hate everything.

I hate myself. I hate OKCupid. I hate going to bars and feeling awkward.

I just lost my job. Great. Now I get to have people tell me to focus on finding a new job. It's bullshit. It's even more depressing now that I have nothing.

I feel abandoned and depressed. If I don't end up killing myself I'm just gonna disappear and start a new life elsewhere. If I can't find love I can at least end this miserable life that I have no control over.

There really isn't a solution. I just keep busy and hope that I can now find projects that don't require money.
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Old 04-11-15, 11:08 AM   #18
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Try not to focus on things that you have no control over: what your friends do or say or losing your job.

Focus of what you can do. You can find a new job, a better one, and yes, you can find the love of your life.

I heard they say what worth a while takes hard work. If it was easy, everybody would do it.

There is no easy way. You may fail many times before you succeed.

Last edited by Ella; 05-05-15 at 09:03 AM. Reason: .
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Old 04-11-15, 10:37 PM   #19
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I love how people can tell me to smile when I'm facing losing my home and being homeless for the fifth time.

I am very negative right now. Life sucks right now and I want to die. If I weren't negative I wouldn't be on a suicide forum.

I'm sorry that I'm not being very uplifting but losing my job and being afraid of having nothing is a very real fear. Plus, getting a new job in this economy is hard.

I am TRYING. I am REALLY TRYING. No one sees that. They just see "you're frowning. Smile. Life is beautiful."

And I'm not young. Not anymore. I wasted my youth. I worked hard, I went to college, I worked and worked and worked and didn't have a lot of fun.

It's a waste. I failed and I have to rebuild a whole new life. It's miserable and it's hard work and it SUCKS!

Maybe I'd like for once to have a free handout. Maybe I want life to stop making everything hard work. Maybe just once I want life to say, "you poor man. Here. Here's a job you can get 40 hours and a decent paycheck doing." Or... "Aw, that sucks. Here....here's an apartment you can afford on your own where your landlord doesn't hate because you're not white." Or... "Hey, you don't need to be afraid of being alone the rest of your life. Here's a book on how to fix all your issues and be confident in yourself."

Society tells me to smile and stop being negative.
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Old 04-12-15, 10:37 PM   #20
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BrooklynBuc,

Hope you stay here!!! I think they were just trying to pick you up.

I've worked my azz off too and now I look back on my life and say why??? Should of had more fun. So I've decided now the last part of my life to start having fun and enjoying myself and friends more.

Much like you I'm starting over again myself and having a lot of the same questions your having too. I'm hoping to move out of this apartment of mine because of the bed bug situation. I have to throw practically everything I own out. Pisses me off. I feel I've lost everything, I'm salvaging what I can. But I threw stuff out that I've owned since the 1970's.

As for jobs, I take a lot of my friends to temporary agencies or permanent placement agencies to find jobs. Some friends don't like it but some have been quite successful at it too. you might look at that as an option. But you just never know. Might be something for you to look into.

BTW, vent anytime. There is a lot of us having the same struggles and can relate.
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