I don't know what is love...
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I don't know what is love...

This is a discussion on I don't know what is love... within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; The title may sound so stupid but that's true... I'm 30 years old cis female and gonna turn 31 this ...

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Old 08-24-16, 10:57 AM   #1
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Default I don't know what is love...

The title may sound so stupid but that's true...
I'm 30 years old cis female and gonna turn 31 this years, for my whole life I never had any love relationship, of course I know about love in friendship and platonic way, but not in romantic way, I don't know why but maybe because my life and my personality is as boring as text book, I'm a woman who suffer because of my own personality, INTJ, I'm very introvert, skeptical, but also have inferiority complex, I envy people who younger than me who already dating, married, become a wife and mother while I never even date, and it's not because I always being rejected by the guys I like, but it's the opposite, even though maybe I did had a crush when I still in high school or college, but I buried that feeling till it's forgotten, because I always make mental note "nope that guy is too good for me, too handsome, too rich, he won't like me I'm poor and ugly..." so if the feeling is already dissappeared then it's not love at all, and whenever there's a guy try to getting close to me, I quickly build the wall within myself and turned them down until there's no one try again, maybe people may easily thought that I'm an arrogant b*tch but to be honest I'm just awkward, lame, oblivious and boring, or maybe I'm scared with commitment, because my skeptical mind and inferiority complex make me hard to believe if there's a guy like me, I know that I'm not a pretty sexy girl who can easily attract guy physically, and I'm not a person who attracted to people from their look, I think I'm a sapiosexual who attract to someone from their knowledge then their personality no matter what their gender because I find myself was a bisexual, but I never find that one so I guess I'll stick with myself for now, if only my conservative parents will understand that I may not live normally like ordinary women. Though I tried to join a dating site, and it just two weeks but I think it's not really work for me, there's some guys say hi but then bye, I don't know if that because I'm too boring to hold on conversation, or whatever, but I feel everything just fake, the friendliness and all, it's fake.
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Old 08-25-16, 10:47 PM   #2
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Hi Oberon. Guess what.. I too am INTJ!!! From your posting, its clear that you at not boring, lacking interest, or with no personality. No one could write the clear way you did without having those characteristics. Finding the right partner (male or female) is so much based on luck and chance in this world, and a bit of the numbers game. Which is why internet dating took off - it really helps with the numbers. But it sounds to my IMHO that finding someone professional to speak to about yourself might be beneficial. You might find that you are going through depression at some level and having some sort of therapy might help with that. Speaking to you doctor/GP about meds as well might be a conversation to have. Keep talking to us here at TTL.. and take care..
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Old 08-26-16, 11:50 AM   #3
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Hey there, it's glad to meet another INTJ person! Well you're right, maybe I just have bad luck about relationship, I've met another girl with INTJ personality but she's such lucky because she found her true love so early, you may know an INTJ person is not a cheater or flirty type, when we fall to someone, we will love that person so deeply, and I think I'm an idealist like that, I will only love one person or never. It just this lack of love experience just make me feel like I'm abnormal, actually I've been passed my darkest depression moment. When I was 25, I have no job, no lover, no friends, at that time I'm still battling about my sexually orientation, I was afraid if I'm gay bcs I have lack interest toward males, tbh I feel more comfortable to talk to females, I start to questioning God existence, suicidal thoughts and so on, my family may not that religious but they're kinda strict and homophobic, I know there's no way they gonna accept me if I come out someday, but I guess they don't have to worry since I'm not even good at making friends with females because I'm socially awkward, I'm currently in my stable condition because I busy with my job so I can put my focus on it, but the work environment where all people surround me were dating, engaged or married and this may sound lame, but to save my face from my single status, I told them lies that I'm engaged though I actually have nobody with me right now, lol, and when they keep asking me when will I marry? I keep telling them more lies and fiction, it's pathetic. Do I really need to meet a doctor for this? What will I get? Anti depressant pill? He/she may just gonna listen to my rambling and getting paid after that but still it won't change anything, unless if he/she pimp me with someone, but nope, I don't wanna go to that dating site anymore, I just gave up trying but what I'm afraid is if I end up alone until I'm menopause and died.
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