😞 I desperately need help. (Anyone please help me)
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😞 I desperately need help. (Anyone please help me)

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Old 09-24-17, 07:39 PM   #1
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😞 For the past 3 weeks now I have actually been going through the worst crisis of my entire life. My best friend who is a girl I love more than anything has left me. Please try to be empathetic and understand my point of view in this. I will attempt to explain everything as much as I can. Basically there's a girl who I met years ago who changed my life. Ever since we met we've been together literally every single day. From the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep she's always been by my side. I love her more than anything in the whole world and I always will.

😞 Even though I had stronger feelings for her she couldn't be with me romantically because she already had a boyfriend before we met but she told me that she'd ALWAYS love me just as much as her best friend for life. She would say this every day and every night before I went to bed she would always tell me that "I'll ALWAYS love you just as much as my best friend for life and that will NEVER change" those were her literal words. She said every day "I NEVER have and NEVER will break your trust for life" and as far as I know the whole years we've been together she never has broken my trust. She was always loyal to me.

😞 Every day we always told each other how much we loved each other. She always took care of me every day and whenever I was feeling suicidal or depressed or I had a problem she ALWAYS would be the one who supported me, She would literally spend hours of her day just to help me feel better and to take care of me. She always said "All I ever want is to be happy as best friends for life." She made my life so amazing. She cared for me and loved me so so much. Literally every single day she'd always tell me how much she loves me for life. There was nothing in the world I loved more than her.

😞 She told me every day for years that "Nothing will EVER change between us." "I'll NEVER leave and I'll ALWAYS be here." "You NEVER have to worry." These were her lieteral words almost every day for years. Every day we'd always talk about things that interested us and always talk about how happy we were as best friends for life and how much we loved each other. I trusted her so much that I told her all my personal things and all my secrets. She took care of me and showed me love daily. She said that she'd always be my best friend for life no matter what and that nothing would ever change between us. At this time life was going perfect for me. I had such an amazing best friend and she made my life amazing. We've been together for 3 years. 3 years every single day we would talk. From the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. She'd always be by my side. I loved her even more than my own family and I trusted her with my life
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Old 09-24-17, 07:54 PM   #2
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😞 Things weren't always perfect however. The 3 years that we've been together I haven't always treated her good. A lot of times I would get paranoid about her. Accuse her of things. This would lead to me sometimes cussing at her and calling her terrible names. Like Bitch, Whore, Slut etc.
A lot of times this made her physically sick to the point she threw up because of it. Even though it made her mad she always forgave me and understood why I acted that way. Sometimes it got so bad to the point that I threatned to hurt her. I sometimes threatned to beat her up, even kill her but she always forgave me.

😞 This cycle has been happening for months actually. Me accusing her of stuff, then abusing her which led to her getting really upset and sick (Throwing up sometimes). Even though we fought a lot I've loved her and treated her amazing even more than I treated her bad and she always understood that I get paranoid sometimes and she never did anything.

😞 I'm 22 and she's 21. We both live with our parents. For a while now her mom and even her dad has known about the abuse I gave her and her mom was not happy with this. She always told her to stop talking to me but she never listened she always wanted to stay with me no matter what anyone else said. Even her dad didn't like me but she never listened to them. A few months ago I made her throw up really bad apparently. Keep in mind that all these years we have been communicating through text and not face to face even though I've spoken to her over the phone and seen videos of her. She lives in another state from me so we didn't have a chance to meet yet but we were planning on it eventually.

😞 Like I said a few months back I got paranoid about her again and started torturing her. This made her throw up really bad and her mom got really mad about it. Her mom threatned that if she threw up again that badly she would cut contact between me and her. I was worried but I didn't take it to seriously. The next few months I continued fighting with her again and she repeatedly warned me that her mom wouldn't let her contact me anymore if I kept doing this. I didn't take it seriously sadly. I was too overconfident and I never even imagined that she would leave me.

😞 Now this is where the bad things start. 3 weeks ago after I came home I talked to her like we normally do. Yet again I got paranoid over something and I started being really bad. I was very sick that day and not in my senses. I cussed at her really badly and I threatned to kill her again. This lasted for hours. Eventually we got over it and she said it was okay. That she would NEVER leave and that NOTHING would ever change between us. So I believed her and I went to bed like we normally do. She said she'd ALWAYS love me just as much as her best friend for life and she'd message me as soon as she woke up like usual. Nothing was wrong or unusual so I went to bed.
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Old 09-24-17, 08:07 PM   #3
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😞 The next morning I woke up I got a message from her saying that her mom doesn't want her to speak to me any longer. Her mom read my full messages. Her mom thinks I'm unstable. She said that her mom would monitor her email and texts. She said her mom said that if I contacted her again in any form she would report me to the police since she saved the death threats I sent her and to please not contact her again. She said her mom told her dad about this too and he said he'd check in too.

😞 2 days after that happened I got in touch with her mom on the phone. She kept saying things like "You threatned to KILL my daughter" and "There's no excuse to threaten to kill someone" and "My daughter has been going through HELL" "If you call back her ilkcall the POLICE" I tried to beg and plead with her mom to please please just give me another chance and I'll never treat her daughter that way EVER AGAIN. But she didn't listen. Now she doesn't answer the phone anymore.

😞 The police even came to my house because my my best friend thought I would kill myself and they wanted to make sure I was okay and I said I was.

😞 Since then it's been literally 24 days since I heard from the person I love more than anything in the world. The person I could never live without. I've tried everywhere to contact her again but my messages aren't getting to her anymore. I'm not getting any replies on her email either. These last 24 days have been the worst time of my life. I haven't even slept all this time normally or even been able to eat. I've just been so heartbroken and worried about the girl I love. Worried if I'll ever even see her again. It's been so long that I don't even know what's going on anymore. I just miss her so much. I've been a mess since she left and my life has become a nightmare literally.

😞 The last 24 days she has been on her social media profiles talking to other friends and uploading pictures of her cats and even a picture of her with another friend. So I'm not sure what to think about that. Whys she has not contacted me in 24 days? What is even going on. How she is even feeling about me. I don't know anything and I just want answers honestly. This girl was the closest thing to me. I loved her even more than my family and now she's just gone 😢 I can't take it. 😢 Every night I went to bed she would be there to tell me she'll always love me and now she's not even there anymore. Please someone give me some advice. It would mean the world to me in this bad time. Tell me what you think is going on and why you think she has not contacted me in 24 days. Thank you so so much for your help.
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Old 09-25-17, 12:01 AM   #4
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Please someone help.
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Old 09-25-17, 11:11 AM   #5
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Hello gondal

I hope you are feeling ok today. You have been very honest and open with all in your posts here. If I understand correctly you made this friend a few years ago yet have never actually met in person, right?

As honest as you have been there, I would have to say you had a very nice thing with her and it seems you pushed her away with things you said, paranoid for whatever reason.

I know you want this person that said all these nice things to you back in your life, but we cannot treat others like this and expect them to continue to feel the same way as before about us. You've had a visit from the police with regards these things; if this were a real relationship and living together and you say these things, or perhaps your anger would make you do something more, where would you be now? At least before a judge I guess.

You are young and you need to learn from this experience. I have harmed relationships with my thoughts, bits of paranoia, things I've said, and also had the same from partners to me (to an extent the "fairer" sex can be far more vicious). You have to move on from these thoughts, take a break and think about what you are doing with your life, not her with hers. If she has a desire to contact you again sometime, she will do in her own time - I think you already know what advice her family and friends will be giving her over that though.

I am male but know violence well, threatened or actual physical and psychological. It is not a good habit to have, to lose yourself in something imagined or otherwise. I've been totally lost in certain girls too, and those were really around your age and a bit younger. Look forward not back.

Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. Would you like to have someone threatening to kill you and then continue to tell that person how much you love them?

Take a day out, think about all a lot, get it out of your system. Learn from all and you need to move on. There are literally millions of girls out there, but if you will blow your top over the smallest things you will not make for healthy relationships in the future, online or in your daily life.

Breathe. Relax. Move on.

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Old 09-25-17, 11:30 AM   #6
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Hello gondal

I hope you are feeling ok today. You have been very honest and open with all in your posts here. If I understand correctly you made this friend a few years ago yet have never actually met in person, right?

As honest as you have been there, I would have to say you had a very nice thing with her and it seems you pushed her away with things you said, paranoid for whatever reason.

I know you want this person that said all these nice things to you back in your life, but we cannot treat others like this and expect them to continue to feel the same way as before about us. You've had a visit from the police with regards these things; if this were a real relationship and living together and you say these things, or perhaps your anger would make you do something more, where would you be now? At least before a judge I guess.

You are young and you need to learn from this experience. I have harmed relationships with my thoughts, bits of paranoia, things I've said, and also had the same from partners to me (to an extent the "fairer" sex can be far more vicious). You have to move on from these thoughts, take a break and think about what you are doing with your life, not her with hers. If she has a desire to contact you again sometime, she will do in her own time - I think you already know what advice her family and friends will be giving her over that though.

I am male but know violence well, threatened or actual physical and psychological. It is not a good habit to have, to lose yourself in something imagined or otherwise. I've been totally lost in certain girls too, and those were really around your age and a bit younger. Look forward not back.

Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. Would you like to have someone threatening to kill you and then continue to tell that person how much you love them?

Take a day out, think about all a lot, get it out of your system. Learn from all and you need to move on. There are literally millions of girls out there, but if you will blow your top over the smallest things you will not make for healthy relationships in the future, online or in your daily life.

Breathe. Relax. Move on.

😞 Hello. I really appreciate you replying so much right now. It really means the WORLD to me in this horrible time. I also appreciate your honestly. I want you to be as honest as possible with me right now. Are you saying that she is willingly not talking to me? That it is not her mom that is stopping her? If that is the case I would really like to know because it's been 25 days straight I've been torturing myself over answers.

😞 I know you said that there are other girls out there but please try to understand that I don't care about other people I just really loved this girl and she was very special to me. We even planned on being best friends for LIFE. This was never supposed to happen. I lost her all over a stupid mistake. I will have to always live with that regret that if I just never acted that way. If I just listened to her warnings none of this would have ever even happened and she would still be here right for life like she promised me daily. Everything would be normal. It's all my fault and I'll have to always live with that regret constantly. I can't deal with that.

😞 Please try to also understand that she is not just some girl to me. She is very special and I have so many beautiful memories with her. She knows I could never live without her. I just wish they would see that I learned from my mistake and I'm not that way anymore and just give me another chance. I really love her more than anything in the world and I could never live without her. Once again I appreciate your reply and your honestly.
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Old 09-25-17, 12:14 PM   #7
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😞 Hello. I really appreciate you replying so much right now. It really means the WORLD to me in this horrible time. I also appreciate your honestly. I want you to be as honest as possible with me right now. Are you saying that she is willingly not talking to me? That it is not her mom that is stopping her? If that is the case I would really like to know because it's been 25 days straight I've been torturing myself over answers.
It's impossible for me (if already for you) to know if it is she or her mother or anyone else the reason that you're not being talked to. But look, almost four weeks. That's a lot of time to reflect on things, and I would guess she has thought a lot and is looking to move on.

Yes it is likely her mother and others say not to talk to you given messages they have seen. They are thinking on her mental and also possibly physical well-being. Don't torture yourself for so long, as with this amount of time I would not expect her to be in touch now.

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😞 I know you said that there are other girls out there but please try to understand that I don't care about other people I just really loved this girl and she was very special to me. We even planned on being best friends for LIFE. This was never supposed to happen. I lost her all over a stupid mistake. I will have to always live with that regret that if I just never acted that way. If I just listened to her warnings none of this would have ever even happened and she would still be here right for life like she promised me daily. Everything would be normal. It's all my fault and I'll have to always live with that regret constantly. I can't deal with that.
It may be so, that you would still be with the daily talks before sleep, waking etc. We say stupid things and regret them. You can let it annoy you for however long you like, but it will never change what you said. As I said previously, you have to learn from it and move on.

I regret things I did twenty years ago. Things can enter my head in my depressive moments that I should have done something else and now my life would be very different. Is it really true? Maybe if I did or said something with my ex wife would I still be with her now? I certainly would not be who I am now. Memories are one thing, regrets another - the latter will eat away at you if you let it. I would treat this as being over now, and work on getting on with your life.

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😞 Please try to also understand that she is not just some girl to me. She is very special and I have so many beautiful memories with her. She knows I could never live without her. I just wish they would see that I learned from my mistake and I'm not that way anymore and just give me another chance. I really love her more than anything in the world and I could never live without her. Once again I appreciate your reply and your honestly.
I understand completely. But understand this: my children are still a lot smaller, but when older, if I see texts or conversations like those you say you sent, I would certainly be trying to block the person from my child or perhaps look to do something worse to that person. This is just plain honesty in protecting my child (whether an adult or child still).

I do believe your chance has passed. You are already proving that you can live without her - 25 days later you are writing here. It is painful but not the end of the world. You don't need another girl right now, you need something else to occupy your mind as you move forward. Friends, hobbies, whatever.

The one thing I will repeat here is from experience: brooding over her, keeping that regret inside, it will keep at you if you let it. You did something you shouldn't have. Learn well from it, before it gets you into serious trouble, and please do show more respect to those you want in your lives in future. It's not just their well-being that depends on it, yours does too.
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Old 09-25-17, 12:29 PM   #8
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It's impossible for me (if already for you) to know if it is she or her mother or anyone else the reason that you're not being talked to. But look, almost four weeks. That's a lot of time to reflect on things, and I would guess she has thought a lot and is looking to move on.

Yes it is likely her mother and others say not to talk to you given messages they have seen. They are thinking on her mental and also possibly physical well-being. Don't torture yourself for so long, as with this amount of time I would not expect her to be in touch now.



It may be so, that you would still be with the daily talks before sleep, waking etc. We say stupid things and regret them. You can let it annoy you for however long you like, but it will never change what you said. As I said previously, you have to learn from it and move on.

I understand completely. But understand this: my children are still a lot smaller, but when older, if I see texts or conversations like those you say you sent, I would certainly be trying to block the person from my child or perhaps look to do something worse to that person. This is just plain honesty in protecting my child (whether an adult or child still).

I do believe your chance has passed. You are already proving that you can live without her - 25 days later you are writing here. It is painful but not the end of the world. You don't need another girl right now, you need something else to occupy your mind as you move forward. Friends, hobbies, whatever.
I do appreciate you being honest with me but you are really scaring me with a lot of what you are saying. Are you saying that it's too late now? That she will never come back no matter what? That there isn't even a Chance for her to come back even sometime in the future? If so please tell me why you think this way. I think there could still always be a chance for her to come back one day. I didn't mention this but she actually left me 2 years ago too. So this isn't the first time this happened.

2 years ago for similar reasons she left and it took me 4 months of begging her to finally make her come back again. After that we were closer than ever. But things were different that time. That time her parents were not involved and she was still reading and replying to my texts which she isn't now. Last time was not as bad as now honestly. I do prefer you to be honest with me but it makes me feel more calm and better thinking there is always a chance that she will be back one day.

Thank you so much for you help.

Last edited by gondal; 09-25-17 at 12:32 PM.
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Old 09-25-17, 01:42 PM   #9
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You asked me to be honest, and that is my honest thought with the amount of time that has passed.

It's not my intention to scare you, just from what you say I would believe it is over - more so that this time you said her parents know about what you have sent to her.

I have been to Afghanistan and Iraq as a soldier, but nothing there (for me) compares to the psychological trauma that words can cause - I live in a world of trying to protect my children from an abusive mother whilst the law in my country does almost fucking nothing to help.

I am here trying to see things from your side of the coin, while I know that another part of me is saying, do you actually deserve another chance? This is why I say to learn from it and move on. For me it is not doing you good to spend months (again) trying to win her back, if you did not learn from whatever it was you said to hurt her the first time round. Or the times during your conversations that led you to this second break in communications.

You might continue to dream to have her back one day, but in the meantime you have lessons to learn from what you did. So much time being abusive would I think not be cured in saying sorry a few weeks after and thinking all can be well again.

Scary but honest. Sorry but these are life experiences. Some others on the site here would be more brutally honest than I have been. The only thing I think you have left in this is to wait and see - personally I don't believe you should be looking to be in contact with her if she is not trying to be in contact with you.

I am not sure I believe you will follow that advice, but it is your life in the end, and different lessons will be learned in different ways, of that I can assure you.

I will always wish you well of course. Please do take care and think first.
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Old 09-25-17, 02:28 PM   #10
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You asked me to be honest, and that is my honest thought with the amount of time that has passed.

It's not my intention to scare you, just from what you say I would believe it is over - more so that this time you said her parents know about what you have sent to her.

I have been to Afghanistan and Iraq as a soldier, but nothing there (for me) compares to the psychological trauma that words can cause - I live in a world of trying to protect my children from an abusive mother whilst the law in my country does almost fucking nothing to help.

I am here trying to see things from your side of the coin, while I know that another part of me is saying, do you actually deserve another chance? This is why I say to learn from it and move on. For me it is not doing you good to spend months (again) trying to win her back, if you did not learn from whatever it was you said to hurt her the first time round. Or the times during your conversations that led you to this second break in communications.

You might continue to dream to have her back one day, but in the meantime you have lessons to learn from what you did. So much time being abusive would I think not be cured in saying sorry a few weeks after and thinking all can be well again.

Scary but honest. Sorry but these are life experiences. Some others on the site here would be more brutally honest than I have been. The only thing I think you have left in this is to wait and see - personally I don't believe you should be looking to be in contact with her if she is not trying to be in contact with you.

I am not sure I believe you will follow that advice, but it is your life in the end, and different lessons will be learned in different ways, of that I can assure you.

I will always wish you well of course. Please do take care and think first.
Thanks my friend I do appreciate your honestly and the fact that you are willing to spend your time just to help me. It really means a lot. However I don't completely agree with you on everything you said but a lot I do agree with. I understand you are just trying to help but I know this girl better than you do. I don't think she would just leave me for good. Perhaps she is in a very tough situation where she is unable to contact me because of her parents or other outside forces or perhaps like last time she needs a break.

I know what I did was wrong. I really hurt that girl and damaged her life badly with my abuse. I myself admit that. But I sincerely learned from my mistakes even though you may not believe me. I will always love her and cannot live without her that is why I will continue to try to get her back somehow. Even though you may not believe me I promise you I have learned from my mistakes and am not the same abusive man I used to be. Again I sincerely thank you for your help and advice.
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