hypersexuality and failed relationships
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hypersexuality and failed relationships

This is a discussion on hypersexuality and failed relationships within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; i think its kinda funny how i always end up back here when my life takes a new turn whether ...

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Old 10-20-21, 12:34 AM   #1
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Unhappy hypersexuality and failed relationships

i think its kinda funny how i always end up back here when my life takes a new turn
whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is honestly beyond me at this point

i am finding dating harder and harder as time goes on
i'm continuously treated badly by my partners despite my best efforts to be a good girlfriend

sometimes i worry that i make it easy for people to mistreat me. a lot of unresolved sexual trauma causes me to be hypersexual and i fear that as long as this behavior continues, so will the mistreatment that comes along with it. i feel like i gain nothing from sexual acts; i feel disgusted and used even after things that are consensual. i feel like i dive in head first into relationships and get attached too fast. i don't really know how to format my feelings about all of this. i'm kind of a mess right now.

recently i got out of a toxic relationship and a week later i went on a date with a guy i had met briefly a few years ago. things were great, he was very sweet and caring. we started dating on the 30th of September. as time went on, i uncovered some unsavory details about this guy. his friends are extremely bigoted and awful, and he even let a slavery joke about me slip once. he apologized, but he has a tendency to make excuses and tried to excuse his behavior by comparing it to me making lighthearted jokes about white people. i am half white, and even if i wasn't, i don't think i should be punished for punching up with literal racism. a few days later, we were hanging out and he didn't have a cigarette so he snapped and screamed at me out of nowhere when i thought we were having a good time. again, he apologized, but his apology was laced with blaming and excuses. when i cried (a trauma response from emotional abuse as a child) he told me it "wasn't gonna work out if i was bothered by everything he says"

i'm afraid of leaving him. i'm terrified of being alone. i want things to work out so desperately. i never have relationships last very long and i'm beginning to think i'm the problem. that there's something fundamentally wrong with me and that's why no one wants me for more than three months. i know these thoughts are irrational but its just how i feel. i am exhausted. i am so tired of being treated like this by the people i adore. i'm disgusted with myself for getting sexual with him so fast. i feel like if i leave now it will only prove how easy i am.

i don't know what to do or how to process these feelings
i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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