He's causing me to be upset and tied down. Am I expecting too much?
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He's causing me to be upset and tied down. Am I expecting too much?

This is a discussion on He's causing me to be upset and tied down. Am I expecting too much? within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I am 19 and he's 22. We have been dating for 6 months now. At first it was good, I ...

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Old 10-01-14, 10:29 AM   #1
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Default He's causing me to be upset and tied down. Am I expecting too much?

I am 19 and he's 22. We have been dating for 6 months now. At first it was good, I first persued him but then he persued me and we met by gaming and crappy pasts. He wanted the relationship first and I gave in, and was lenient on my standards. He did stuff more with me and came after me more and said I love you first etc. I could stand his flaws at first too, being not very attractive and really geeky etc. He also didn't have a job and at first I understood why (he is on disability and supposedly that sorta ruins oppurtunities for him) but its been awhile and I just don't think he even tries to get one. He lives with his mom and she has two other kids which have learning disabilities (I love them though) and they live off the government with EBT too. No jobs or anything. He spends his money mostly on weed and his family,family makes sense though his mom mooches off him but not weed. I like weed but when I can afford it. HE sells it but makes no profit and gets fucked over a lot.
Thing is my parents gave him a job, but he cost them too much and he doesn't do anything to help himself and gets annoyed that they don't let him work anymore. He's still nice and sweet to me, but we just don't do things much anymore aside from sit in his house or my house. We don't even see eachother much anymore, which I don't mind but feel tied down from. He complains so much about the smallest things sometimes it drives me insane and he doesn't take me on dates (he can't afford it) when he does buy me things (which I don't ask) its weird stuff like cheap jewelry for promises and things he knows I really don't care for I told him when we met. I always get him things he wants.

I can't trust him with delicate technology either, like controllers or mics because he breaks them or his friends do. I'm getting to the point I don't ever want to get him things. He always says he is going to do something with me or get me something but doesn't pull through. I always do stuff for him and keep my word and I'm beginning to want to stop. The thing is, is that I've talked with him about it too but he says he is going to change and doesn't. I work and do things for myself he just gets to sit at home and play games or constantly hang out with friends who basically mooch off him and fuck him over but he still chooses them over me.

I've tried distancing myself, but he gets upset and cries and tells me over and over how much he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I can't take the laziness, I have never had a guy go out of his way to take care of me or spoil me and i feel like I want more sometimes. I told him about a guy who basically date raped me and for awhile he didn't associate with the guy but now they talk like everything is ok. This hurt my feelings so bad.

I feel like he's trying to trap me in a relationship almost and he gets butthurt if I bluntly say something about him I don't like or if I doubt him. Its like he doesn't live in reality, he says a lot but doesn't do anything. He complains so much I can't stand it.

I keep telling him I am unhappy with the way things are going, and he acts like he is upset but then the next day its all hunky dory. We've worked through somewhat of a rough patch before but I'm getting to the point I really don't want to salvage the relationship or try too even if he did change. He doesn't do anything for himself, but keeps telling me all these things he's "going" to do and never does. there is always an excuse.

I work, and I take care of my family and I am still improving my life. I feel like I'm growing where he will never change and I just don't want to have sex with him anymore or anything. I love him, he's a good friend but I don't romantically love him i think. I feel like I'm the only girl who will put up with him, even though I'm unappreciated, but I have guys offering to take me out all the time and things like that. I haven't even explored life yet. I mean my bf has done some things for me but it was always free ride things and I feel like he just wants everything for free sometimes.

Is there anything I can really do? I'm not sure what i should do right now.
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Old 10-01-14, 02:55 PM   #2
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your current relationship doesn't sound like a 'happy ever after one'. I don't think you are willing to sacrifice most of your lifetime to a relationship like this. I think you're completely aware of what you could, should and must do. It won't be a walk in the park, but it's nothing compared to wasting a lifetime.
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Old 10-11-14, 02:39 AM   #3
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I think it is obvious that you shouldn't be with him, because you sourself just said that you don't find him attractive. By being with him, you are practically fooling him. He is as much a victim in this relationship as you are. It would be best if you pursued different paths, I think.
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