Don't you hate when fears come true?
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Don't you hate when fears come true?

This is a discussion on Don't you hate when fears come true? within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; So since I don't really know where to turn I decided to post here. My boyfriend of a little over ...

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Old 03-11-13, 08:58 PM   #1
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Unhappy Don't you hate when fears come true?

So since I don't really know where to turn I decided to post here. My boyfriend of a little over 6 months broke up with me the other night. The week after Valentines he seemed really down and off one day after work and later he said it was because he'd been thinking about 'us' and felt like he was losing his connection. That since we both need to work on ourselves we could do it together or apart if it doesn't work out. I'd been trying to get the courage to finally be closer to him, tell him about my problems with depression, and be fully intimate since I'd never actually had sex yet. He came over and spent the night and we seemed to be okay after talking it out. I finally told him about my depression, how I used to be suicidal, how my dad committed suicide and surprisingly he told me he's dealt with depression too and tried to kill himself at 13. I even told him I felt ready so we had sex that night. I kind of thought we were okay but then I got the feeling again that he wasn't okay and we weren't okay. That day he messaged me that his aunt died but that he felt nothing. He realized his problem is that he hasn't been feeling anything, not with us, or with anything else just no emotions. I told him I understood and that I would be there for him just like he said he'd be there for me. Then the other night when I took him home we had this long talk and he eventually worked his way to saying he wanted us to go back to being friends. He's never stayed friends with an ex before since things usually ended badly but he stressed that he really does want us to be friends and that its nothing I've done and that I've been great. We both need to work on our own issues and that if he gets better and feels something again we could get back together or at least be great friends. I agreed that I do want us to at least be friends because since we have similar issues and he didn't freak out when I told him about my problems I can probably tell him anything. I've been mostly okay though it made me realize I have more feelings for him than I realized because I am sad and have been crying here and there over it though I didn't until the next day. It just hurts because I had this weird fear that if I ever told someone about my problems they would just want nothing to do with me after and same thing that if I ever slept with someone then they would just leave me right after and that's kind of what did end up happening. I think he really does want us to stay friends like he says, and still do things together and hang out and go places but as just friends. He said he didn't want me to feel like another person is leaving me. We both work together too so it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be still seeing him but I can't help but feel sad and awful about all of this. As usual I feel like maybe I could've done something different for things to be better because I'm the type to blame myself for things beyond my control. Like maybe if I'd been better I'd be enough to help him be better and I really do want him to be happy and get through this. I don't really know what to do since this is my first serious relationship and I've never been in love before so I'm not sure if I actually love him but I know I do really like him and trust him more than I ever thought I could anyone. I just wish I knew what to do now...
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Old 03-11-13, 10:01 PM   #2
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hey alice...... i am so sorry for what you are feeling. i understand it completely, and i know it hurts. i hope you don't try to take all the responsibility for what is going on though. you have some issues, he has some issues. you can't fix his and he can't fix yours, but you can continue helping each other along.
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