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This is a discussion on confussed within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; hi, i am new to this board so let me just start by saying that i am glad to see ...

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Old 07-08-06, 08:06 PM   #1
 
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hi, i am new to this board so let me just start by saying that i am glad to see that there is a place like this to talk. i have tried in the past to committ suicide with two failed attempts and now i am getting that feeling again. i know that it is not the answer but, sometimes i just feel it is the only way. i was in a relationship for four years with a guy named nick. he was 18 when we met and i was 22. we had our first child with in a year of our relationship. she was a blessing we both loved her dearly and still do. when i got pregnant with our second child that is when everything went sour. he wanted to abort but, i had been down that road once when i was 13 and raped so i was not about to go there again. i decided to keep it and i thought he had suppoted me with that. boy, was i wrong. i was seveen months along when he just one night picked up and left. he met someone new and didnt want to be in our life. while he was dating her he kept calling me and wanting to see me and i was stupid enough to go along with it. it went that way for a while off and on. he went to the hospital to see our son being born and stay with me for the first week. he told me that it was over with her. it wasnt. he left again then came back. finally when our son was about 5 months old he moved back in and cut all ties with her. thats when he got a new job and our lives were getting on track. i started noticing the way he would treat me. calling me names all the time. calling me his ex girlfriends name to get me upset. telling me she was better in bed and thoings of that nature. i knew at that point it wasnt right but i loved him what was i to do. our son is 1 and a half now and about a month ago i started going out with his sister on friday nights. we would go to the bar and hang out with some friends and i ran into someone i knew from my past. i found out he had got a divorce and we started to talk. we would meet there every week and eventually i fell for him and vice versa. i broke it off with nick and now i am with matt(the guy i knew from years prior). but the problem is nick still wants to be with me. he calls me constintly and yells at me and tells me how much i am hurting him. i know i still love him but emotionally i cant handle our relationship. i cant stand the name calling and the emotional abuse not to mention that when i told him i wanted him out he hit me. i miss him all the time and i think that maybe it would just be easier for us as a family to get back together. i cant bring myself to do that though. i care about matt so much and i know he would never treat me the way nick did. the problem is that i have two children with nick and i have them all the time. i have to fight with him to take them on sundays for a few hours. i know i shouldnt bother but i want him to see them and i do need some time for myself. it is hard enough trying to find out how i am going to get a job and afford daycare with no money at all. i get $200 a week from nick for the kids but after food and diapers and such there is not much left. i feel that i put myself in this position so i shouldnt have anyone feel sorry for me, but you know he put me through so much that no one saw that its not fair for me to get all the blame. i think that sometimes my kids would have a bettter life without me and that if im not here they cant hate me for breaking up with their father. my life is so messed up right now i just need some advice. should i stay with matt and possibly live a normal life and be happy. or should i go back to nick for the kids sake anfd be in a relationship that is not fair to me. someone help me please
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Old 07-08-06, 09:34 PM   #2
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This is a very depressing story. :(:( What I would do is call Nick; talk to him on the phone and just see how he's doing. If he yells at you so much as one time, say good bye and leave him in the past. If he doesn't, just talk everything out with him and see if he's a calmer, better person. If he is, start seeing him again; meet at coffee shops or some place casual where the two of you could just talk face to face about what you both feel. If he hasn't calm down from the last time you've seen him face to face, leave. If he says he's sorry for what he's done, and he asks for another chance, and you can see in his soul that he's really, truly sorry for what he's done to hurt you, and he's willing to make amends, let him. It will probably make both of you feel a lot better, and just go from there. I'm looking at things from his point of view right now (I'm in his shoes. Sorry), and I can feel that he's really in pain. Try to very, very slowly give him a second chance, and if he's mean to you so much as one, more, time, leave. Make arrangements for him to see the kids, but share your life with Matt. I pray that this helps you, and that you have a happy, healthy life, be it with Matt or Nick. Good luck, big sister. Love you.
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Old 07-09-06, 05:31 AM   #3
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What's up grasshoper? First off let me say your life is not messed up. You got two beautiful kids that will never hate you. Yes, they love their dad but you don't want to get back in a relationship with him. He seems coo-coo. You don't need that stress in your life and your kids don't either. And what you said about your kids being happier without you is simply dumb. Your kids need you and you need them. How is it going to get better by you comitting suicide. I thought about suicide before then I think about how my family and friends would feel. And like you said suicide won't solve anything. You shoud let your kids contiue to see their father but you shouldn't get back in a relationship with him. It's unhealthy, man. Enjoy your kids, enjoy your new boyfriend...and enjoy life. Life ain't perfect there are going to be times you're down but things will always get better. You take care of yourself and fall in love. Keep your head up! Good luck.
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Old 07-17-06, 09:23 AM   #4
 
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I agree with B.
This man sounds like someone that will drag you down. (Nick that is). Your children will never hate you! Even if they say mean things, they never mean it, its just how kids are. Mentally/physically abusive relationships are not something you want to be going back to... I really think your kids would rather grow up with a happy mummy. I know I did. I really don't know what else so say! Ditch the loser! By all means go for Matt, live life to the fullest and don't ever let anyone hold you back. Nick sounds like a liar and a cheat.
And a cheetah never changes its spots.
(Thats what my mum says anyway).
You asked if you should go back to Nick 'for the kids sake'. You also said that you have to fight with him to take them on Sundays! Does he really sound like 'wonder-dad'?
I bet you love your children more than anything. So much so that you'd sacrifice your happiness for them, by getting back with their dad. How could any child not have a great life with such a loving mother? They need you, and I know you're going to be there for them, whatever happens. And they're going to be there for you too, and give you kisses and cuddles when you're feeling blue.

Anyway, best wishes, and goodluck with whatever you decide! :D
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