I just found the community and I could really use some advice. I'm a newly wed, only 5 months married. But I feel like my marriage is already over. Just to be clear both my husband and I suffer from mental health issues. I am diagnosed BPD and he is diagnosed bipolar, both with major depression (of course).
We eloped in December and are still planning a wedding for the summer with friends and family, but more and more I don't think we will make it.
My husband has become distant and even sleeps in the spare bedroom. We never, Never, have sex anymore. Its been two months now. Even when we did have sex, (only like 10 times since we've been married) my husband has not been "into" it and can't keep things going (I'm sure you can follow those hints). I feel that he is not attracted to me anymore. I am overweight and it's getting worse as I eat to self soothe.
We barely talk, hug, or kiss. There is very little affection at all. He spends hours on his phone texting, FB and whats app with friends that are girls. He is very secretive with his phone and turns it off if I am near. He changes the passcode often.
He has told me that he doesn't want to go through the wedding and complains that it will be "hell". He was married before and complains that he has already done this and doesn't know why we would want to have a wedding. I want a wedding as I have not been married before and won't give up on having that day for myself.
He also complains that we are spending so much money on the wedding and how much we have to work to pay for it. But here's the thing. He has not paid for one PENNY of the wedding. I have paid all of it so far. My dad is planning to give us about 1/4 of the money , but we haven't gotten it yet. He complains that he has to work late doing a second job to afford it, but he is working at a second job because he has debt from before we were together and his payments eat up most of his salary. I make the same amount as him and I tutor as well. So basically we earn the same. Yet, I have money to put towards the wedding. I have bills too, I also spend money to self- soothe. So I am making payments on my debts and paying for the wedding. On top of that he is often out of money so I end up paying for groceries, household bills and all car care and gas on my own.
I feel like I have married a bum! Last night he was supposed to be tutoring and I found him at the bar instead. He is drinking away all of his money while I work to keep us afloat.
My friends are trying to help me. I think that want me to try and work it out with him. I know I don't want to get divorced, because I stupidly do love him. But here you don't know me or him. Having read that, if you managed to get through all of it. Should I stay?
Thank you for the help.