I'm new to this, so i apologize in advance for my inability to create this post.
My idol throughout my life has been my deceased brother, we have a 21 years age gap so i watched and experienced his pain at an early age.
He was a rose without spikes, someone who was incredibly gifted in intelligence having an IQ of 175.
I loved to spend time with him talking about everything since movies to philosophy, sometime i would wake up in the morning and wait by his room door for him to awake just to say hi, hopefully i did not annoyed him.
His depression story began wen i was 3 years old, he started with an undiagnosed depression and probably anxiety issues, later became an eating disorder this time he was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa becoming weak and frail to the point that he had to be hospitalized for quite some time, every day me and my family would go and see him.
I loved to watch him smile.
One day he was discharged from the hospital but he had to attend to some doctor's appointments to regulate his medication and to allow a way to express himself to an specialist.
After some years he became more stable he looked happier or so we thought, his first suicide attempt was unsuccessful, after that we all fell.
I tried to get closer to him but i never talked about it, i felt uncomfortable just thinking about it, i didn't want for him to go but i didn't knew how to help.
A year went by and again all seem to be going in the right direction but he attempted to kill himself.
My parents tried to control him after that, by fear, i saw the ending, tried to diverge his course to no avail.
I remember that night i was in my room working-out and i saw him in the hallway, our eyes meet and he smiled so i smiled back as a way to show him that i would always be there for him, he carried on to the kitchen.
The later day i found his lifeless body in the bathroom.
I wrote this text maybe as a way to immortalize to my friend, brother and idol