My Idol
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My Idol

This is a discussion on My Idol within the Lost to Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I'm new to this, so i apologize in advance for my inability to create this post. My idol throughout my ...

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Old 02-26-17, 08:19 PM   #1
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Default My Idol

I'm new to this, so i apologize in advance for my inability to create this post.
My idol throughout my life has been my deceased brother, we have a 21 years age gap so i watched and experienced his pain at an early age.
He was a rose without spikes, someone who was incredibly gifted in intelligence having an IQ of 175.
I loved to spend time with him talking about everything since movies to philosophy, sometime i would wake up in the morning and wait by his room door for him to awake just to say hi, hopefully i did not annoyed him.
His depression story began wen i was 3 years old, he started with an undiagnosed depression and probably anxiety issues, later became an eating disorder this time he was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa becoming weak and frail to the point that he had to be hospitalized for quite some time, every day me and my family would go and see him.
I loved to watch him smile.
One day he was discharged from the hospital but he had to attend to some doctor's appointments to regulate his medication and to allow a way to express himself to an specialist.
After some years he became more stable he looked happier or so we thought, his first suicide attempt was unsuccessful, after that we all fell.
I tried to get closer to him but i never talked about it, i felt uncomfortable just thinking about it, i didn't want for him to go but i didn't knew how to help.
A year went by and again all seem to be going in the right direction but he attempted to kill himself.
My parents tried to control him after that, by fear, i saw the ending, tried to diverge his course to no avail.
I remember that night i was in my room working-out and i saw him in the hallway, our eyes meet and he smiled so i smiled back as a way to show him that i would always be there for him, he carried on to the kitchen.
The later day i found his lifeless body in the bathroom.

I wrote this text maybe as a way to immortalize to my friend, brother and idol
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Old 02-27-17, 10:43 PM   #2
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Wow. I can't imagine finding someone like that... You are very strong.

I know what it's like to see a sibling go through that. It's hard to understand and you just feel so helpless. My younger sister had a bad eating disorder and suicidal thoughts, made worse by my mother attempting to control her, and ran away with a pedophile. It was like losing her too. She doesn't contact my family anymore. She was truly the sweetest most kind-natured person I've ever known, and I worry about her a lot.

How have you coped with his death?
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Old 09-04-17, 12:05 AM   #3
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I'm also new, I've struggled with my friend (I would consider my brother) committing suicide. It was hard, as I've slightly aged, it's harder but easier. I myself struggle with suicidal thoughts. I'm thing from my perspective I feel peopel should hear is suicide while so hurtful, is sometimes just a chapter in a much, much bigger story. The brightest stars burn short, the only way he's lost is if you give up. Love his memory and carry it. Show the world what he had to offer. Love for the people we loose and fight for those we still have. Forgive yourself and love. That's where we find hope
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Old 12-03-20, 08:58 AM   #4
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Sorry to hear that, it feels weird to see someone alive and then next hour or so, see them dead. It just doesnt resonate. It good that you looked up to your brother. I supposed you can learn from this, and always discuss your concerns and feelings with others. All the best in recovery. Time heals. I listen to a music track that me and my mother used to listen to together. Michael Jackson Fly away.
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Old 12-29-20, 02:57 PM   #5
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It's really hard to lose someone to suicide, there's always this guilt that you wish you could have done more to help the person.
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Old 01-07-21, 01:59 PM   #6
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Grieving is not just one feeling, it usually involves a range of different feelings. Over time, it can help you accept and understand your loss. Many people can feel very sad for some time after the death of someone close to them. Spending time thinking about the person you have lost can be a quiet but essential part of coming to terms with their death.
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