My best friend lost her sister. What do I say to her?
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My best friend lost her sister. What do I say to her?

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Old 07-20-06, 11:28 PM   #1
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Default My best friend lost her sister. What do I say to her?

Hi

I hope I can get some good advice. My best friend lost her sister 2 weeks ago and I know she is looking for some advice. She has expressed her pain and feels somewhat ashamed. So far I have just listened but I really would love to have something more helpful to say.

Any advice?

My friend is in her 40's and her sister also. She left 3 kids behind and a wonderful husband. My friend is so sad and I want to help.

Thank you for your time and support
Tesse
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Old 07-20-06, 11:39 PM   #2
 
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Tesse

I am so sorry for you friend, but so happy that she has someone like you in her life. Bless you for that.

I think the best thing you can do is listen to her. Encourage her to talk about her sister - memories and fun things. Focusing on the suicide is good for the times when she needs to do that, but at others', she just needs to talk about her sister in the same way she would if it was a car accident.

She also needs to know it is OKAY to talk about it and that it is OKAY to be sad for a long, long time. People will start assuming that she's moving past it or they will completely ignore the word "suicide." People get very weird about this stuff, mostly because they don't know what to say and are trying to be nice. But it makes the person who is dealing with it absolutely nuts. A SUICIDE occurred and they need to talk about it.

Another good thing is to pick a few books about suicide - like survivor stories, books that explain the process of healing and so forth. She doesnt need books that are "technical" about suicide, but more of the emotional response and how to get through it. I can suggest some if you are interested.

She should also go to a survivors suicide support group. These are so good for people as they try to work through the intense grief of a suicide. They meet people on the same journey and can share in ways that others' wouldn't understand - just like on here.

And she needs your friendship. She needs to know that she can call you at any time - day or night - just to say "I'm so sad" or just to cry. That's all she will want - just to release - and knowing that you are available (or others) makes all the difference. Those late night/early morning hours are horrible when you are all alone and nobody hears your cries.

Family members are at high risk of suicide in the month following a loved ones suicide. They are weak, vulnerable, confused, and in such despair that they, too, decide it would be the easiest route.

Ok - that's it for now. Hope some of this helps. let me know if you need more. This is my "area" so to speak.

Irishred
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Old 07-21-06, 12:23 AM   #3
 
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irishred

Thank you so much for your advice. I will implement what you have said. And yes, any suggestion on books would be helpful. I was thinking on buying her a book or two but didnt know which ones to get.


Thanks again

Tesse
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Old 07-21-06, 09:49 PM   #4
 
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I feel for the position you're in. Just be there... to talk talk talk... your friend has just climbed on an endless roller coaster of emotions, and your support will get her through this. I found "Grieving a Suicide" by Albert Y. Hsu to be helpful... especially the first few chapters. It made me feel "normal" to know that the emotions I felt weren't "too intense"... feeling like your body and mind is inside out is very normal. It helped to know others were out there just like me.
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Old 07-21-06, 09:51 PM   #5
 
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dissins

i am glad to hear about that book. it was on the list i sent to tesse, but i hadn't read it yet. now i will! thanks

irishred
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Old 07-22-06, 12:03 PM   #6
 
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Thanks again everyone for your replies. It has been very helpful.

Irishred- I never recieved your list of books or I would have responded. Sorry. I will email you my email address again.

Tesse
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