lost my mom
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lost my mom

This is a discussion on lost my mom within the Lost to Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; Thank you to everyone that has replied. It really does help to know there are people out there that can ...

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Old 07-20-06, 02:09 PM   #1
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 4
Default lost my mom

Thank you to everyone that has replied. It really does help to know there are people out there that can relate and understand. I have really been struggling the last few days. It is really starting to sink in that she is gone. I have leukemia and finished my last chemo treatment and my first thought was to call me mom and then I remembered that she was gone. I loved my Mom deeply and she lived with me until about a year ago and it just got to where I couldnt take care of her anymore and fight my cancer too. I also have two children one that is 11 and one that is almost 2. My Moms illness was really starting to affect my 11 year old with grades dropping and problems in school so I had to tell my Mom and Dad that I just couldnt do it anymore. I guess that is where my guilt is coming from. She did try to commit suicide while she was living with me but I found her in time. My mind knows I did the right thing but my heart feels that I should have tried harder. My daughter is really having a hard time also and I am trying to explain things as well as I can but it is really hard when you dont understand things youself. She knows first hand about my Moms illness, but apparently my Mom promised her she would never do anything to herself again. Any advice on how to explain this kind of thing to child would be helpful.
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Old 07-20-06, 11:21 PM   #2
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 11,959
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Tami

Damn, I just feel so deeply for your pain. You have to know that you did the best you could and you made the right decisions. Your mom had her own will in what she decided to do and there was nothing you could do to stop it. I don't know how you live with that, but I am sure you will find a way to make peace of it. I say I don't know, but I really do. My son committed suicide and I know the depths of pain involved. It is just so hard and I feel for you.

Quote:
My mind knows I did the right thing but my heart feels that I should have tried harder.
Let you mind win this one. It is able to reason better; our hearts make the struggle all that much greater.

Your daughter is understandably having a hard time. She doesnt know why grandma would leave her. She is probably dealing with her own issues of guilt and doesnt even know it.

The thing that helped me the most was going to a suicide survivors support group. It was so good to be able to talk to others who truly understood. It was refreshing in a way and the problems in trying to talk to people who dont get it vanished in the group. I would suggest you try that and take your daughter if you feel she is ready.

There are tons of great books out now, too - even some for teens dealing with it. Just keep talking to her. Don't assume she is ok, even after a few months. The suicide rate is very high for immediate family members and close friends after a loved ones suicide. All of you are at high risk, so make sure you know that.

You might also talk to the school counselor and her teachers. They need to know how difficult this is for your daughter and they need to ask her how she's doing and make sure they dont ignore it. When my youngest returned to school (high school) after his brother's death, everyone acted like nothing happened. It made it unbearable for him - all the pretending that everything was fine. He wrote an essay about it a few years later and until I read it, I had no idea how bad it was at school.

Those are my thoughts for now. I have a ton, of course, about this issue, but this will be enough to think about.

I am so heartbroken for you.

Irishred
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