I Lost someone special, now I'm more messed up!!!!!!!
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I Lost someone special, now I'm more messed up!!!!!!!

This is a discussion on I Lost someone special, now I'm more messed up!!!!!!! within the Lost to Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I've been in and out of phycatric inpatient hospitals since the age of 13. During my 4th or 5th one, ...

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Old 07-11-06, 06:42 PM   #1
 
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Default I Lost someone special, now I'm more messed up!!!!!!!

I've been in and out of phycatric inpatient hospitals since the age of 13. During my 4th or 5th one, I became friends with a gurl that was just like me. We did everything together, including excaping from the ward we were on. We became very close. I was on the unit 2 months the first time with her. The next time I went in she was in 3 days later. It was weird but it's like we knew when eachother were in. Anyway after the third time of being on the same unit together for 4 months straight, they told her she was going to be sent to a larger and longer term psycatric hospital in 3 days. She became sadder then what I had ever seen her. She didn't eat, didn't talk, stayed in her room all day. The day befor she was supposed to leave, I found out I was going to the same place. I was so happy. I thought this would make her happy. I snuck into her room after 30min checks, and woke her up. I told her what they had told me. She looked me in the eyes and started crying, she told me if she was locked up any longer she would die. She wanted me to help her get out of the hospital tonight. I didn't know how much trouble I would be in. She saw the look on my face and said that I could come with her.I imediatly saw this as a chance I needed to take. So after 11:00pm checks she snuck to my room, whitch was closer to the door. And we waited for the night supervisor to come through the door like he always did. Sure enough he came through the door not thinking to wait to see if it closed because everyone was supposed to be asleep. We ran out the door and headed down the stairs. We went out the side door. And we were free. We got to a nearby park and sat down behind a tree. She said we should lay down and rest awhile that she'd keep watch. So I lied down and fell asleep. I woke up sometime later and saw her asleep. I sat up and shoved her shoulder I asked if I should watch now, she didn't answer me. Then I looked down and saw a tiny bag which we got our night time snacks in it had 2 pills in it. On the other side of her was an orange juice cup from breakfast. NO, I thought . I got closer to her, I put my ear by her mouth, she wasn't breathing. I grabbed her and started shaking her telling her it would be okay, she didn't have to do this. After about 10min I got up ,I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I couldn't leave her there. But I didn't think I could carry her all the way back to the hospital. I decided I had to try. So I picked her up and started running. I got to the street across from the hospital and I couldn't carry her no more. I set her down and started screaming it felt like an hour befor someone came. Then he called more staff from the fasility. I was brought back to the ward and , I still went to the other psych unit.
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Old 07-12-06, 09:22 PM   #2
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:( :( That is terrible, so sorry for you and your friend.
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Old 07-12-06, 10:19 PM   #3
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My gosh dear, my heart breaks, tears cry, & my deepests sorrow goes out for you. I'm so sorry. If you want/feel like talking more, we're all here to help, even if it's just a ear/sounding board to listen.

Blessings!

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Old 07-18-06, 08:30 AM   #4
 
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that's horrible.... like I couldn't even imagine that and to be honest I'm suprised/proud that you're still even here.
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Old 07-19-06, 11:44 PM   #5
 
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you are an amaizingly strong person. this is a tragedy that no one should have to face. my dealings with loss to suicide are not as direct as this but i do have some experience in recovering from the severe pain and heart break it causes. we are all here to help..
good luck
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Old 07-20-06, 02:25 PM   #6
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breakes for you. My mother died last week from suicide to I am feeling some of the same things as you as far as guilt. You did not cause her death. You had no idea what she was planning. I hope you continue with your own treatment and are able to get better.
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