I've been on this website since 2008 (I've had other usernames) , but never did I imagine that one day I'd be posting on "lost to suicide", nevertheless, here I am.
About 6 years ago, my depression hit me so so so bad that it was one of the lowest point in my life, I had serious social anxiety, I had work issue (bad temper manager, so many error during work as a new employee and not enough help) , family problems (arguments with parents), and problems settling into a new country (another long story)
I joined a suicide support forum to help me to cope. And eventually things got better.
During my time in the support group I met a friend who was a ray of sunshine, she had her problems which was why she was there in the first place. But she never really talked about her problems, instead she always gave me the warmest and wisest words to help me.
As times go on as I was feeling better I began to stop attending this support group , she also slowly left too , but we kept in touch.
My job began to get really busy and I hadn't been able to talk to her much , maybe once a month.
2 days ago I received news that she... was gone.
She didn't reach out to me, last time we spoke she was completely normal, she expressed that she wanted to talk to me more on skype, I agreed but she never login again.
I've tried to message her but she never read them.
I don't have anyone to talk about this with, no one in my life knew I attended the support group , only the people in my support group knew.
Our only mutual friend, her bf, is too damaged to even bring up the subject.
I want to help her, I want to turn back time to the moment when she said we should talk, I wish I didn't wait until a next time. But wanting is useless, no one can turn back time, so while it's too late for me , it may not be for you, so hear me out.
Through this post , I want to say that,those who are considering suicide, please reach out for help, there will be lots of people who will at least try their best to help.
Granted there might not always be an immediate solution, but if you have the courage to end it, then why don't you use this courage to seek help? You are a ray of sunshine to somebody, I wish you can reconsider before letting it become endless years of darkness for those who love you.
Now when I think about her, it hurts.
I also want to say that, if you are thinking about getting in touch with someone you love, don't wait until next time for there might not always be a next time, do it now!
Lastly may you have peace in your heart.