Stuck
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Life's Other Challenges > LGBT


Stuck

This is a discussion on Stuck within the LGBT forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I posted this in another section but it got moved to a religious section and i was told it woukd ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-28-12, 08:55 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
Default Stuck

I posted this in another section but it got moved to a religious section and i was told it woukd be okay to post it here as well. I will leave out my original introduction post and refrain from talking religion. I am in my mid twenties and going to college, I live at home and am a gay guy. Here's where I'm at in life right now..

I've come to the realization that I know what I need to do to progress my life.. more or less.. I just don't know how to get myself to actually do it. That would be being myself I think. This comes down to a lot of different things though, but mainly I need to stop putting on a facade and just do what is natural for me I guess. The thing is I'm too afraid of telling people I'm gay or acting flamboyant (which honestly I would probably be one of those girly gays if I was completely secure with myself). I'm also afraid to tell people what things interest me (what few things do, but like girly stuff) and other things of that nature.

I live in a town where it's not really acceptable to be gay, Especually a flamboyant girly guy. I probably would never be like Chris Crocker or anything (love him btw, you all should watch his YouTube channel these days ;p) but I feel like I'm not a "normal" guy. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I know for a fact I would be looked at differently and I just don't know if I can handle it. I also don't know if I can handle my families disappointment. I live at home and I know they wouldn't kick me out but I'm not sure what they might do (mainly my mom).

I have a couple friends online.. one of which is gay the other same as my family they wouldn't look at me the same probably. My gay friend and I is a whole other story but basically we have a somewhat rocky relationship at times but he is usually there for me. He is also the only person I've told I'm gay. He lives on the other side of the country so there's no way I could get IRL support.

This is why I don't know what to do but at the same time know what needs to be done. This makes me feel stuck because I don't have a good solution either way. One more thing I'd like to add that I think holds me back is my "image". I've had acne since middle school and it's gotten pretty severe over the years - I now wear foundation to cover it up. It used to be noticeable but I use better stuff now - some people know can tell but it's still better than how red and horrible my face looks without it. I also am overweight and again have been since middle school and that used to bother me a lot but it doesn't as much these days (as much as the acne especially). I always feel even more self conscious when I have a bad outbreak and it just doesn't help me feel secure with who I am.

What can I do? I want to be myself so bad but at the same time I don't know if I can handle if in my situation. I am just so insanely insecure. I still have almost 4 years of school and I'm just so tired of hiding myself and not being comfortable with anyone or being able to tell anyone or even being able to talk to ppl normally. My stress and nervousness is getting worse and I don't know what to do.
MarredHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-05-13, 03:07 AM   #2
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
Default

Either no one posts in this section or I am too lame to help. :S
MarredHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-13, 05:39 PM   #3
TTL Gold Member
 
pixystyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: yes
Posts: 10,684
My Mood:
Default

you're not too lame to help..

idk.. i'm not sure where you are, but here (us) alot of schools and stuff have clubs for gay/lesbian/bi/trans/whatever.. have you checked if your school does?? maybe being with people who are gay would help? and i idk.. think you'd be surprised at how open minded people are these days.. while there are and probably always will be people who are not, alot more people are.. much more accepted..
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


non ditelo....

che e una brava ragazza....
pixystyx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-13, 08:59 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
Default

I think my college does have things like that, but I'd be too embarrassed or shy or scared to go. Only one person knows about my being gay and I know they won't tell anyone and they live far away.. otherwise no one knows because I'm always worried it will find its way to my hometown.

I should probably see someone but I don't like doing that for the same reasons.. annonymous on the Internet seems like the only way for me to be comfortable. Thanks for the post.
MarredHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-13, 09:16 PM   #5
TTL Gold Member
 
pixystyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: yes
Posts: 10,684
My Mood:
Default

why would your hometown care?? and i can understand shy/embarrassed/whatever.. but maybe just check it out?? you never know..
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


non ditelo....

che e una brava ragazza....
pixystyx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-13, 04:27 AM   #6
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
Default

I am the type of person to think about every detail, every possible situation and outcome. I worry about all of the possible occurrences and if there is even a remote possibility that someone else could find out around where I live it would be disaster. It's a small town and where I work it would be easily spread and I would run into everyone and e constantly ridiculed. It's a very old fashion area with lots of churches you can imagine what it would be like.

It's extremely unlikely that anything would spread but it's still possible..

That's the main thing stopping me.. I might risk it if I was more confident in myself and I thought I could handle the crap I would get for it. There's also the whole body image thing and other self esteem issues that add to me not wanting to go.

I know it seems like I should just try it but by brain just works out all the horrible possibilities that I just can't

Last edited by MarredHope; 01-08-13 at 04:30 AM.
MarredHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-13, 04:24 PM   #7
TTL Gold Member
 
pixystyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: yes
Posts: 10,684
My Mood:
Default

i don't need to imagine, i know exactly what it's like.. grew up in the south.. tiny place where everything that was different than they are or what they believed in was "of the devil" and everyone but them is going straight to hell.. pass the snakes and say amen.. :)

idk.. there's always the chance of criticism, but you also need to be true to yourself... in the end, that's what matters most...
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


non ditelo....

che e una brava ragazza....
pixystyx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-13, 09:03 PM   #8
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 21
Default

I know you're right I just wish it wasn't so damn hard lol.

Thanks for the kindness :))
MarredHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-13, 09:37 PM   #9
TTL Gold Member
 
pixystyx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: yes
Posts: 10,684
My Mood:
Default

hard i know.. but worth it i guess. :)

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


non ditelo....

che e una brava ragazza....
pixystyx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-13, 01:52 PM   #10
TTL Silver Member
 
Mitza's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: in my bubble
Posts: 7,691
My Mood:
Default

Reading this is like going back in time for me.. I can relate to almost everything that you said.. Well, apart from the fact that I'm a lesbian woman.. lol..

I am so sorry you're in such a difficult place right now, and I really wish I was there to give you several hugs. I'll give you this virtual one though....

I'm not sure where to start, but I wish it would be easier for you to be yourself... Coming from a tiny place myself - and from religious parents - I can relate to the fear of anyone knowing. It's horrible.. And it is tiring.. But there is a way out of it. It might take a while but it's there. Please remember that. And also please try to think in the middle of it all, that you are ok. You are great the way you are, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Is there any way you could move out for a while? Share a flat with someone? I'm thinking that it might be easier for you if you're a bit further away from your family.

I was online for quite a while talking to people on various forums before I told someone in real life, so I can relate to that too.. What you could try though is someone professional, like your doctor or some health staff at the college perhaps?

I'd also recommend trying to find some gay student groups. If you tell them that you want to be anonymous I'm sure they'd respect that. I can understand that it's scary, though.. I would think you could meet someone from there in a "safe" area like a cafe or something. No one would know if you're just sitting there having a cup of coffee, right? I did that once myself, and the guy I met was very nice. :) I also remember the first time I went to a gay bar - I went around the block for an hour before I went in.. I finally did though, and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.

You don't know how your family and friends will react before you tell them. But I understand that it can be scary, and I also would recommend that you have some support around you when you do. Because it can be really hard if they react negatively. I waited for a while before I told my family, and I'm glad I did. Though it wasn't easy to wait either.. It's a decision you will have to make though. When to tell people and if you feel ready for it... I must tell you though, that it felt like a relief when I finally told someone. It's so much better not having to hide it all the time.

It can get better, and you can be happy with who you are. I'm now living with another woman, we have an apartment and my family invites us home for Christmas...

You're not alone and you can get through this.

Many hugs from me.
__________________
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step." - Lao Tsu -
"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing." - Hillel -
Mitza is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:19 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2