Originally Posted by taki381
I've always been pansexual, even though up until I was 14 I had no idea what it was, or what bisexuality, transgender, NB, etc was. I only knew about gay and straight. However, I've always been pan. I've had a few girlfriends, a few boyfriends and I've had crushes on transgender people, but never had the opportunity to date someone of that gender.
But here's the thing... I've not integrated into the LBGT+ community. In school, I was the first and only one to come out. I got bullied for it, but that's a whole other story. I've never had a welcome into this community even though I'm part of it and I believe that my sexuality definitely deserves more acceptance and recognition. I'm unsure on how to join the community properly, and feel like I'm part of it. A valued member. I've been one to gay pride and really enjoyed it, made friends but they never continued contact.
How do I become a proper part of it? Do I go to gay/lesbian bars? I just don't know how. I find it extremely difficult to find a girlfriend, too, or at least a girl to possibly begin a relationship with. Despite being pan, lately I've been more drawn to cis/trans women and NB etc folk. I've had many bad experiences with men and with the exception of few who are already a part of my life, I don't want to date men at the moment unless I end up really, deeply caring for someone. But right now I'm more into women. But how do I meet queer women? And how do we progress things? I've tried Tinder and I've tried Her, but it's too awkward and fake. I don't enjoy it. I'm close with a girl and I really like her but she's the other side of the country and I don't think she wants to commit yet because of the distance, which sucks because I'd happily enter into a long distance relationship with her. But for the meantime, if I could meet someone that would be great. I'm just stuck and I feel lonely. I need some help.
Great job posting here, and being so open about stuff!
I'm sorry to hear that you've not been accepted at school and even in the LGBT+ community.
It makes me sad to see that others experience stuff like that.. I guess you've been hanging around the wrong people.
Btw, I'm lesbian myself, and I've struggled coming out as well (small community, religious stuff etc.), so I know a bit how it feels like to be an outsider... and it's not fun at all.. I'm sorry you're struggling with it..
So... about meeting other queer women.. I suggest trying to join an activity, preferably where there are other queer women around. And preferably something that you're interested in. Do you like arts, music, sports, or anything else? Maybe you could look for posters in local gay bars, cafe's, ask some organizations? Idk where you live, but there are gay organizations around most places. They may know of activities in your area. If you're a student, there are often LGBT groups in the schools doing social stuff.. I think it's easier to find someone doing an activity, at least if you're not comfortable going out that much. I think it might be less stress getting to know people there, as it is not such a focus on "finding someone" as it is when you go to bars.. Going to gay bars etc. is a good idea as well, but it is generally harder to get to know someone there, in my opinion, as it's harder to talk and stuff. Could you go with a friend perhaps? I find it easier to talk to people at gay bars etc. if I have a friend with me. I do suggest talking to people online as well. Not sure about which sites, though.. I met my gf online, so it's possible..
But it is harder to do, and not easy to know if the person is honest or not.. or if she is who she claims to be..
Just don't give up on it.. It may happen all of a sudden.. Try to be open to all opportunities, and try to jump into it.. I know it's not easy to do.. but the more open you are about yourself to the people around you, the more likely it is that other LGBT+ people will notice you and make contact. I used to wear rainbow stuff when I was younger, and I was open to my friends that I like women. It helped a bit, as I felt more "free", and more comfortable in my own skin in a way, and other women would know that I was "open to contact" if you know what I mean.. Flirting with women is hard I think, especially if you're unsure if the other person is queer, but I suggest trying it out anyway. Like, smiling, showing that you're interested in the other person, perhaps inviting someone that you are attracted to for coffee or something like that.. without defining it as a "date".. Then you can use that time to try to figure out what the other person may feel, hint at how you feel etc.. I've done that a couple of times, not with any success, though.. lol.. But it could happen.
And the women I went "out" with were very nice about it, we're even friends today.
Oh.. and please don't give up on the LGBT+ community.. There are nice people around there as well as stupid people.. Keep trying until you find the great ones. They exist. I'm sorry it's hard to find them, though..