Kinda confused
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Kinda confused

This is a discussion on Kinda confused within the LGBT forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I believe I've openly established here that I'm a male to female transgender, but something is coming up in my ...

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Old 08-16-14, 12:20 AM   #1
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I believe I've openly established here that I'm a male to female transgender, but something is coming up in my mind. I'm starting to get confused about my gender. I feel as though I want to be female, but lately I've been posing as a male to a lot of people. I do it mostly to mask the transgender thing to strangers. I feel as though there isn't a real need to openly admit it to people I don't know, or in a place where it's not part of the discussion.

For example, I play a lot of computer games, some online. When I play I mostly pose as a male because of my voice still being masculine and not wanting to draw attention to the subject because I'd seem like an attention whore, it may spark a debate, and/or it's simply not a place it must be brought up.

I'm not sure what I feel right now. I guess I'm getting used to appearing like a man to certain people, but at the same time it doesn't feel as good as being a woman. Could anyone possibly help with this subject? Someone who is or has gone through this and give some wise words or advice, or maybe someone who just wants to help and be "touch and go" with it?
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Old 08-16-14, 05:00 AM   #2
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Be whatever feels right to you. Dont care about other peoples opinions.
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Old 08-16-14, 01:31 PM   #3
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Hi Asha. I agree with what Nsdimitrije has already said, but beyond that it is a subject I know little about.

I just wanted to point out that many of the more popular online games have guilds/clans specifically for LGTB players. Maybe you would feel more comfortable/find it easier being yourself if you joined one?
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Old 08-16-14, 03:49 PM   #4
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Well I really only play 2 online games at this point (Team Fortress 2 and Garry's Mod) and neither have specific guilds, clans, or groups for LGBT people.
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Old 08-17-14, 06:19 AM   #5
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I've never played Garry's mod, but have seen Team fortress on Twitch. I'd have to drink a LOT of coffee before I'd be able to cope with that sort of hectic action, lol.

I must apologise - when I said online games I was speaking more about MMORPG's. Games like Elder scrolls online, Lord of the rings online, The secret world and, of course, World of Warcraft all have LGBT communities to a greater or lesser extent. Final fantasy XIV has at least 20 LGBT and many more LGBT friendly groups and has a 2 week free trial if you're interested.

I don't know if these are the sorts of games you would enjoy or would like to try, but if you want any more information, feel free to PM me. I spend a lot (almost all) of my time playing MMORPG's as an escape and distraction from real life. It helps me to cope with things. Maybe it will, for you too? You can be whoever you want to be in a roleplaying game
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Old 08-23-14, 11:59 PM   #6
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Hi Asha, I read your post and it doesn't strike me that there is any confusion at all in your position. You play a male role in order to not rock the boat or inspire uncomfortable debate, but inside you are definitively female. I don't see anything inconsistent about that. In posing or playing the role you are in fact showing your sensitivity to and consideration for the feelings of others, perhaps at your own expense. Hopefully with people close to you you are able to be yourself, and try to see the playing of the male role with strangers as generosity on your part while feeling secure in the knowledge that it isn't a sign of confusion.
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Old 08-25-14, 07:08 PM   #7
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Have you been showing your female side for a long time? What I'm thinking is that perhaps you're just not entirely comfortable with it yet? I can also understand that it can get really tiring to always "spark a debate" or have to defend things, being noticed etc.. for just being you... I'm lesbian myself, so I know a bit about how that feels... Though it seems like it's even worse for transgender people.. I'm sorry it's so hard.. I don't think it matters really what you decide you are. You are you, and your real friends will not care which gender that person has... I wonder, have you talked to anyone professional about this? Maybe that could help to sort things out? Or someone else who identify themselves with being transgender? Idk if there are any LGBT support groups or organizations nearby - or online? I've found that talking to someone that feels a bit the same has helped a whole lot with accepting myself. You're not alone feeling like this.. That's for sure..
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Old 10-06-15, 10:42 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asha Celeste View Post
I'm not sure what I feel right now. I guess I'm getting used to appearing like a man to certain people, but at the same time it doesn't feel as good as being a woman. Could anyone possibly help with this subject? Someone who is or has gone through this
Hi Asha. I haven't been through this myself but I do have some very close friends who have, including two ex-lovers who were, or are now, MTF transgendered and another who is non-binary.

It's okay to be unsure what you feel! A lot of people take many years to explore and work out their feelings about various emotional issues (not usually gender, but often family/relationship issues). And it's especially hard when your feelings aren't what society is quite forcefully telling you that they should be. Take your time, just be mindful of how you are feeling at any given time.

It's also okay not to fit into the traditional gender binary - whatever society says! Many countries are now routinely allowing people to change their legal sex, but most countries still apparently feel very strongly that everyone should fit exactly into one of the two traditional boxes, Male or Female. But some people feel they just don't fit that system. It may be that you are "fundamentally" female, if that feels better as you say. But you can also be non-binary - neither exactly male or exactly female, but some mix of male, female, and possibly neither. If you feel you want to be male in some contexts and female in others, perhaps this could be you?

It's also okay not to be just one gender throughout life - again, regardless of what society currently says. Gender transitioning is supposed to be permanent for legal purposes but the truth is that gender can change over your lifetime, just like hair colour or sexuality can (I know plenty of people who have been straight at one time in their life but gay at another time - luckily we are not legally required to register our sexuality, like we are supposed to with our gender). The word for people who feel their gender changes over time is genderfluid, meaning fluid over time. Again, the fluidity could mean going between male and female, but it could be more complex, going between some mix of male, female and non-binary gender.

I don't know if these issues are of interest to you but I thought I'd mention them since nobody else has mentioned the possibility of being non-binary or genderfluid. Hopefully one day, the law will be less rigid about forcing us all into roles of being "male" or "female" for no particular reason. Things are already moving in the right direction.

The best advice I've found is, concentrate on being the best you that you can be. Only you can know exactly what that is, and don't worry if it takes a while to home in on it.
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