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I hate gay men. They make me sick!! but im also gay!!

This is a discussion on I hate gay men. They make me sick!! but im also gay!! within the LGBT forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I don't think he's referring to effeminate gay men, but rather hypersexual gay men. I think stereotypes are usually true ...

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Old 05-19-12, 02:51 AM   #11
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I don't think he's referring to effeminate gay men, but rather hypersexual gay men.

I think stereotypes are usually true so the chorus of there are plenty of gay guys who want relationships seems to ring hollow to me.

Most gay men just want casual sex. So I see the dilemma.

File this under problems I wish I had. I have the opposite issue. I'm a girl who wants casual sex but girls aren't supposed to want that. I'm bisexual and find it hard to meet other lesbian or bi girls who want to have sex. So while I've had sex with about 45 men, I've only had sex with 3 women. Thank goodness I'm not a lesbian.

My suggestion is to go on dating sites, like craigslist.org and say you just want a relationship. Don't go to gay.com as that's a hookup site. Maybe eharmony or match. Also gay friendly churches. There are also sports leagues for masculine gay men to establish friendships.
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Old 05-19-12, 03:27 AM   #12
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How annoying.

Sensualgirl, I totally disagree with you on the stereotypes thing. Maybe sometimes they're an adequate generalisation. Sometimes. But when you're actually talking about individual people, those generalisations actually fall pretty flat, so what practical use are they?

Stereotypes are also, dont forget, often a means of bashing marginalised groups of people. You know, all black people eat watermelon and are lazy, all women just need to have babies and not work, vote or do anything else. There was a time when those stereotypes were seen as meaningful generalisations too.

Stereotypes, above all else, for me, don't lead to change. They just simply reinforce the same old stuff.

All that said, I actually kindof agree with you. I don't believe gay men just want casual sex, I think they probably want other things, too, ya know.

But the casual sex thing, is, in my experience, pretty prolific in the gay community. Treating sex as a recreational sport seems to be (again, in my experience) pretty much what most gay men I've met are into. Not all, but definitely most.

Also, I think honesty is a big factor there too. Other groups of people are right into casual sex too, gay men are just a lot more up front about it. Maybe that skews peoples' perceptions, including my own.

Right. I've contradicted myself completely. Actually I don't think I have :=]

Getting back to the original poster lol Rocky112, I wonder if it's not impossible for you to find places to meet other guys where sex isn't the main drawcard? Sensualgirl had some good suggestions. Activity based groups (like I dunno, stamp collecting, hiking, whatever) might also be a good point of contact.

The whole nightclub scene and the online dating thing is pretty much gonna be focused on sex a lot of the time, probably too much for you.

The language you're using is also really strong, in my mind. "Hate" and "they make me sick" aren't just expressions of indifference or dislike for a different approach. Unless you're just completely venting, I'd really pointedly ask here if you don't have an issue with being gay in and of itself? There's lots of places we can learn to hate gay people and hate being gay. Internalised homophobia happens to everyone to a certain degree, but I think it's important to acknowledge it and address it otherwise you just end up hating lots of people, including yourself.
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Old 06-20-12, 04:46 PM   #13
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Hmmm, I never fit the stereo type as a gay guy. Never cared my at all for gay bars (pickup joints) or supported the gay lifestyle. I would much rather spend time at a regular bar. I am 90% masculine and most cant tell unless I tell them. Sorry to say this but not all but most gay men make me sick also. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality
Just my 2 cents - what do I know???
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Old 07-26-12, 04:24 AM   #14
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@rocky112: I have come across your post just now and it's like my own story! I am a 23 year old guy and I am very depressed as I am gay. I really don't want a gay life. I hate effeminate men and I am sad to find that in most of the gay relationships there is no love but all sex.Some time I want to die..I feel suffocated! All these are affecting my career. In my society, being gay is a crime. I can't even share my feelings with anyone. I can't live a gay life but I am afraid of loneliness..I want to lead a life like other 'straight' men...I also want to get married and have children. Life is becoming so difficult!
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Old 07-26-12, 05:02 AM   #15
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Just my 2 cents again on this and something about this situation sucks. Sorry damn we need a pun :-)

When I was late teens I though I would just pretend and get married. I also had many girls get a crush on me. For me, could not do it. I did want a family also.

I find no attraction to feminine men. I find masculine men much more to my liking.

Its just to bad that in this society its a crime to be gay. More for men IMHO.

All I can think of to say is sorry this is affecting your jobs and self esteem. Beleive me living a gay lifestyle is not easy. So, best of luck. Life is full of challenges for sure!
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Old 07-29-12, 08:12 AM   #16
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Thank you for your kind reply Mr. Gene Poule. I agree that being gay is not a crime. But I can't disclose my sexual identity in my society. I can't hurt my parents. I will have to live alone though I hate loneliness.
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Old 10-26-12, 06:36 AM   #17
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I was saddened by reading your post, but I can also identify with a lot of what you said. First of all, I would encourage you to stop thinking about sexuality as being dichotomous. We're taught that there are two kinds of people, straights and gays, and that they have nothing in common. In reality, there is a whole spectrum of sexual orientation - there are many gays in the world who you'd never know were gay (indeed you describe yourself as such), and many straight people you might mistake for being gay. What I'm saying is, these labels that we use all the time because we live in a world that necessitates them, are not always helpful or accurate. The word homosexuality only came into existence a little over half a century ago and up and until then we didn't conceptualize sexuality using the terms "homo" and "hetero". Back then, "gay" identity didn't exist - it couldn't have because the word "gay" or "homosexual" or any word bearing a similar meaning had not yet been invented. But same-sex relationships have existed since time immemorial in every culture worldwide, so hopefully knowing that will help you to broaden your conception of what "homosexuals" are like. There is no such thing as a "typical gay guy" just as there is no such thing as a "typical straight guy". Nor is there such a thing as a "gay lifestyle" although we've been conditioned to believe otherwise. What exists is a huge variation of personalities, mannerisms, beliefs, cultures, gender identities, and lifestyles across the spectrum of sexual orientation. I know exactly what you mean when you talk about the "flamboyant" gay guys you meet in clubs - yes, those stereotypes are out there, and yes, there are people who seem to fit the stereotype. But ultimately, this is a social construct and not an accurate representation of the diversity that exists among the population of gay people in this world.

Secondly, I want you to think about what causes you to say that you "hate homosexuals". It seems to be a very strong statement considering that you don't seem to have had much experience meeting gay people or getting to know them. So you visited a couple clubs and encountered some gay guys you didn't click with. I don't think that warrants deciding that you hate all gay people. My guess is that you're projecting your own internalized self-hatred or lack of self-esteem onto others who you perceive to resemble you in some way. The fact that you feel such need to highlight the differences between yourself and other gays you've met seems to support this as well. First, you need to be able to accept yourself and your sexuality. Then, you'll see others in a different light.

You said that the things you truly want in life are to have a relationship, settle down, and raise a family. Well, you can do all of these things as a gay man and if you don't believe me, look around and you will see plenty of examples of gay couples and their families living very conventional lives - lives that are not characterized by "vanity, superficiality, and oppression" but happiness, love, and self-fulfillment. That's not to say that you don't have a tough road ahead of you, but if you simply choose to accept the person you were made to be, I guarantee you things will get better.
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Old 12-23-12, 01:05 AM   #18
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Default youre not alone

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Originally Posted by rocky112 View Post
I am a 26 year old masculine gay guy. I have accpeted being gay and I am dealing with it day-to-day. Lately I feel so depressed inside at the point of just wanting to die. I feel so alone in this world and I would love to find a life-partner but that's the thing, I can't identify with other gay men and I can't get along with them. I can't stand theirattitudes. I've tried meeting and adjusting to gay men but at the end I just feel like i have nothing in common with these people.

I also feel disgusted around them, by their mannerism and their vulgar behavior. I also hate the gay scene which is just everyone having sex with one another, that's all that most of these people think about!!! I stopped going to gay clubs ages ago it's just a place to cruise and find a hook-up. It's just sleazy environment. I only go to str8 places!!! and not to say some str8 places arent the same...gay places take it to another level of nastiness.

I am also a very good looking guy, all the girls I meet always have a crush on me and are all good girls. I get depressed because why do i have to be gay when I have all these beautiful girls that like me who want to have a relationship, settle down and raise a family all the things I truly want in life..Their girls with quality and this is sad to say I have NOT met a gay guy of quality in my entire life..their all the same to me...

I don't want to be gay anymore and live in this lifestyle of vanity, superficiality, opression. I wish I can just die, don't understand why god made me like this....WHY?? WHY??? what did i do to deserve this lonely life with people i dislike
------
Hi Rocky...youre not alone I feel exactly the same as you -to the letter. I dont feel like the gays are "my people" but every now and then you get a surprise and meet a nice, non stereotypical one. I live I the gay party/sex mecca of miami and its pretty bad here but just as you and I exist others do too, not to sound cliche but you have to believe its possible first before it can happen.

Wishing you well,
Eric

Last edited by Cushi; 12-23-12 at 01:26 AM.
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Old 12-23-12, 07:26 PM   #19
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I know exactly how you feel Rocky112. Many (but NOT all) gay men are extremely insecure. I'll explain in a minute why this comes into play.


I'm 32, very masculine, I love being gay and I love myself, I'm incredibly successful (work in the Empire State Building in Manhattan), I'm a landlord/property owner in Chicago, handsome, healthy, in-shape, have a great family life, a handful of very close friends who are like family to me. I'm very loved and I love life very much. I struggle with mild depression simply because after many years I still haven't found a compatible match to me and I do indeed crave that deep connection on a level more meaningful than simply sex. I love being gay and I'm open about it. I love who I am, I am self secure, friendly, open.

With all of that said, the minute I step inside of a setting where gay men dominate the numbers... I'm singled out. Gay men can be incredibly cruel. For absolutely no reason they give horrible looks, they pass judgement on complete strangers who haven't even interacted with them. The list goes on and on. They key here is that they are insecure. Being insecure, one of the best defense mechanisms is to reject someone before they have the chance to reject you. So the game most insecure gay men play, is that they are incredibly rude, nasty, bitchy and judgmental to complete strangers ...... because it makes them FEEL safe and empowered. In their minds, they've already rejected the new guy, so they're permanently safe.

So my first bit of advice to you buddy..... go join a Gay sports league, join a Gay professional society or human rights group.... where you're more likely to meet gay men who are approachable, self-secure, friendly, compassionate and caring.

The second bit of advice.... continue to love yourself. Don't ever change.... love yourself, love life and stay strong and true to who YOU are. Fuck anyone else and how they judge you or if they treat you poorly.

Best wishes bud,
Tim
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