I feel like I'm suffocating the real me...[Trans-rant]
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I feel like I'm suffocating the real me...[Trans-rant]

This is a discussion on I feel like I'm suffocating the real me...[Trans-rant] within the LGBT forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; So, I recently turned 18 and I've identified as trans* for a while. I haven't come out to my parents ...

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Old 09-19-13, 08:24 PM   #1
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Unhappy I feel like I'm suffocating the real me...[Trans-rant]

So, I recently turned 18 and I've identified as trans* for a while. I haven't come out to my parents yet, but I have come out to a few of my friends. They're all really supportive but lately I find myself playing pretend(I mean, acting like I'm okay and perfectly happy the way I am right now) more often than I used to. I used to only act happy when my parents were around, or people that I knew wouldn't be as open to the idea of it. I still identify as male(even though I'm biologically a female), but I just feel like the real me is being suffocated and killed off by the 'Happy-As-Is' act that I've been putting on for years. I don't know what to do... The only solution I can think of is coming out to my parents... But I have to live with them for the next year so I can finish high school and leave for college. I can't make it another year pretending to be happy as something that I know isn't right... But I just... I don't see any other option except to come out to them... And unleash the hounds of hell that are my parents' very judgmental and closed-minded opinions on everything... Help?!
I just need to be able to freely express myself the way that I feel necessary... But I also don't want to disappoint them(again) with news that they won't like... Or accept(Ever)... I just want to get it over with so they can hate me for a couple of months... And then go back to caring for me like their oldest child... And I could act the way I want to... I shouldn't feel so caged inside my own mind, as well as my body... Please help... All advice is appreciated.
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Old 11-11-13, 06:36 PM   #2
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hey there buddy, i have also identified as trans for a while, actually since i was a kid i just thought i was a boy. i have always been tomboyish growing up and very masculine as i got older. i am now on testosterone and although i still struggle with transphobia and dysphoria, i am much happier now being who i really am and i love myself and my life. i realized the more i pushed away those feelings of wanting to transition or being true to myself the more depressed and isolated i felt. there is a whole world of resources and access available for trans people whether you're ftm, mtf, genderqueer, undecided, sure, unsure etc. you have to google it and look for it depending on where you live.

i understand that it's harder for you because you're young and you still live with you parents. i also started thinking about transition when i was around 18 years old and it took me over 10 years to begin my full transition. meaning living as male, using my male name full time, making people understand that "i go by he/him/his", using men's rooms, and getting on testosterone.

i did feel suffocated like you for many years also. i know its hard man, i was there. but in the end, it's your life and you're gonna have to do what's right for you. eventually i did, even though it took me 10 years i'm glad i did. i even identified as a lesbian for many years and never even came out to my family, finally took me 10 years to come out to my mom and she doesn't acknowledge me as male. i have to accept that she just feels that way and for that reason i could only be around her for so long at a time. and i haven't even come out to most of my extended family even though my voice has dropped alot, my body and my face has also changed. i am very masculine now, much more so than before. the challenges are there and will still always be there, (that comes with the territory of being trans), but i am so happy finally being who i really am, seeing myself in the mirror as a dude and having other people see me the way i see myself.

there is hope, you will find a way to navigate it.
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Old 11-12-13, 04:39 PM   #3
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I am also trans*, I am now 21 I first tried coming out to my parents when I was 13 and then again at 17, it only recently as in the last couple of weeks they have started acknowledging the fact I have lived in role for over 3 years. When I was forced to be 'female' I found it suffocating as well. I agree with lifeisatransition support sites are really useful. If you are going to come out to your parents I suggest you find them not just for you before you go to your parents find leaflets find websites etc that can answer their questions, find support sites for them so they can talk to other parents in their position. I think we sometimes forget transition is a big ordeal for them as well as us.
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Old 11-24-13, 02:17 PM   #4
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What's trans? Is that someone who feels in between genders, in between sexes, or like they're trapped inside the wrong body?
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Old 11-24-13, 05:19 PM   #5
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Trans* is an umbrella term that refers to all of the identities within the gender identity spectrum. There’s a ton of diversity there, but we often group them all together (e.g., when we say “trans* issues). Trans (without the asterisk) is best applied to trans men and trans women, while the asterisk makes special note in an effort to include all non-cisgender gender identities, including transgender, transsexual, transvestite, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, genderfuck, genderless, agender, non-gendered, third gender, two-spirit, bigender, and trans man and trans woman.


androgynous: having the characteristics of both male and female.

cisgender: a term for non-trans people, meaning that someone's body and gender identity match.

crossdresser: someone who enjoys wearing clothing and accessories intended for a different gender role. This can be done for both sexual and non-sexual reasons.

drag: a type of expression that typically involves exaggerated performance of gendered characteristics. A performer is called a drag queen if they perform as a woman or a drag king if they perform as a man.

F2M: female-to-male.


FTM: female-to-male.

genderfuck: someone who appears visibly gender variant.

Genderqueer [adjective]: any individual that doesn't -- or won't -- adhere to the expectation of the only two gender presentations that which our culture allows, as based upon one's ministerial and external 'birth sex'. (as in, "When Patrick was a kid, he didn't realize the extent of how genderqueer he was, despite his inherent tomboyishness on the playground.")

Intersex: The preferred term advocates use to describe people diagnosed by physicians with primary or secondary sex characteristics of both sexes. Some trans people self-identify as intersex, based either on a clinical diagnosis or on their personal conception of their identity. In some cases, trans people have claimed to be intersexed not based on any medical evidence, but because they consider it more socially acceptable.

MTF: male-to-female

M2F: male-to-female

MF: male-to-female

M-F: male-to-female

queer: an overarching term for anyone outside gender norms, including gays, lesbians, bisexuals, as well as trans people.

trans-: a prefix related to transgender, i.e. a trans-friendly business

trans (noun): transgender: "She's a trans." Sometimes considered offensive.

transfolk: also trans folk, a gender-neutral term for trans people collectively, regardless of gender.

transman: also trans man, a trans person who identifies as male.

transsexual: someone who wishes to take all the steps necessary to be accepted as completely as possible in their chosen gender.

transvestite: an outdated term for crossdresser, primarily used as a clinical diagnosis.

transwoman: also trans woman, a trans person who identifies as female.

VGV: visibly gender-variant, a term used by some to describe anyone whose appearance or actions do not match their culture's arbitrary expectations for people of their sex.

Are a few definitions by no means exhausted all completely accurate google is your friend though :)
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Old 11-25-13, 11:17 PM   #6
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very well said, Greavsie13. i would also have to say that alot of the struggle that transpeople face has a lot to do with lack of awareness and education. people have these distorted, twisted ideas of what trans is and before learning or asking questions they make assumptions. it's great that people like SensualGirl ask if they don't know. raising awareness, asking questions, advocating for oneself and the entire trans community is the only way to fight/eradicate transphobia, violence, and ignorance.
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