a gay man stands alone
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a gay man stands alone

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Old 10-10-09, 01:05 AM   #1
 
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Unhappy a gay man stands alone

Is there any gay friends looking to just be friends? I have tended bar at various clubs and certainly met many people from all walks of life and always has been interesting. i know "of" a lot of people, but don't really "know" a whole lot of them. A lot of people know of me as the bartender from various clubs i've tended bat at, but don't really know me. it is a common thing for us to make assumptions or put labels on people without even knowing them. Sterotyping, predjudices, categorizing and making our own judgements of people does happen without out us even realizing we're doing it. I am a psychology major with minor in communications/behavior. i am by no means even close to perfect but is interesting studying our behavior and why we do things the way we do and what causes it and how. there are certainly many gay men out there that are true and real people/friends, but they can be so hard to find or meet. I have experienced LONLINESS for quite some time now with a lot of depression of course following it due to not really being able to find true friends, or at least friends that just wanted sex to be a part of relationship. ughhhhh . lol I am told all the time...."You are so different than what i thought you'd be like." What did you think I'd be like i ask all the time. I am so often told they were afraid to meet me thinking i was stuck up or prick or even not gay! lol They are surprised more times than anything always complimenting me about how nice i am and pleasant to be around with such a caring attitude towards people. as i am told a lot that i am a good looking guy with a great personality it seems to scare people so much which is in some ways not surprising with society and media showing us such hot perfect men and giving gay men the wrong impression of other men at times. They see a man that is attractive and instantly put him in that "out" circle of their relationships. Their friends, family and lovers are in that "in" circle however. Ie: some people see a black man and immediately think bad, thief and gang or player. Just because he is black he instantly gets placed in that "out" circle with an apprehension by people to meet him. I get placed in that "out" circle way too much with people looking and thinking oh check that attractive guy with his sexy voice and serious look and put immediately in "out" circle. The few friends that did accept me in and took chance to meet me before thinking anything about me prior were the best of friends and always told by them that they were glad to have met me being such a dedicated person to others and helping people, listening as a friends and just being there. HOWEVER, THERE IS NOBODY THERE FOR ME OR FOR ME TO BE THERE FOR THEM. I transferred to a small city with it's good college to finish degree and now regret it. The city is too small with not a whole lot of people to meet. the gay men that sre here have been just wanting a sexual relation or just "hooking up" for pleasure. As well as very few under 40yrs old with most of my past relationships always with men 23-33 yrs as to who i "connect" with. I WONDER AT TIMES IF I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH MY JUNIOR YEAR HERE. The lonliness is eating away every day. I am a person that believes in "The power of positive thinking" - Dr. Norman Vincent Peale being a great book- as well as some of my professors! Yet i can only think positive so much with reality hitting all the time with the results showing nothing for friends. Granted i have moved around a lot and has caused friendships too drift apart or be lost but why can't there be at least a few people that would be beside you no matter where or what? A friend to talk to, connect with, share daily thoughts with, support in times of despair and so forth. Yes a 45yr old guy willing to listen and be friend with sometimes just wanting sex as well. Where are friends that are similar interests, lifestyles, experiences and at same level ? No doubt a boyfriend or lover would be the greatest !!!! - but even just a friend to hang out with and study with at campus regardless if they were a students or in college. I would almost rather meet a guy not in college or just his high scholl degree and working at a local clothing store and just an average humble, realistic and down to earth guy. As each day goes by i am getting older and older and more and more LONLINESS and LONLINESS with it's DEPRESSION that comes with it. Why am i gay? why did i have to be gay? it seems like living a straight life would have brought me so many more cool, honest, down to earth and not just looking for sex with no judgement on looks or if "in". Straight guy friends!! god i wish i could find them. I WISH I COULD TAKE AWAY THIS GAY SEXUAL ORIENTATION. I need to maybe just get outa this damn college and city!!!!???? I WILL END UP WITH A DEGREE IN COUNSELING AND PSYCHOLOGY WITH A MASTERS IN LONLINESS AT THIS RATE. WISCONSIN IS LONELY AND EATING AWAY AND FREEZING MY WARM HEART AND PERSONALITY WITH IT BEING A FEELING OF COLD, DARK AND LONELY.
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Old 10-10-09, 01:10 PM   #2
 
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Suicide and depression highest amongst homosexuals. Why?
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Originally Posted by uwl4u View Post
is there any gay friends looking to just be friends? I am a psychology major with minor in communications/behavior. I am by no means even close to perfect but is interesting studying our behavior and why we do things the way we do and what causes it and how. There are certainly many gay men out there that are true and real people/friends, but they can be so hard to find or meet. I have experienced lonliness for quite some time now with a lot of depression of course following it due to not really being able to find true friends. I am told all the time...."you are so different than what i thought you'd be like." what did you think i'd be like i ask all the time. I am so often told they were afraid to meet me thinking i was stuck up or prick or even not gay! They are surprised more times than anything after people meet me and always complimenting me about how nice i am and pleasant to be around with such a caring attitude towards people. I am told a lot that i am a good looking guy with a great personality, but the attractiveness seems to scare people so much which is in some ways not surprising with society. They see a man that is attractive and instantly put him in that "out" circle of their relationships. Their friends, family and lovers are in that "in" circle however. Ie: Some people see a black man and immediately think bad, thief and gang or player. Just because he is black he instantly gets placed in that "out" circle with an apprehension by people to meet him. I get placed in that "out" circle way too much with people looking and thinking oh check that attractive guy with his sexy voice and serious look and put me immediately in "out" circle. The few friends that did accept me in and took chance to meet me before thinking anything about me prior were the best of friends and always told by them that they were glad to have met me being such a dedicated person to others and helping people, listening as a friends and just being there. However, there is nobody there for me or for me to be there for them. I transferred to a small city with it's good college to finish degree and now regret it. The city is too small with not a whole lot of people to meet. The gay men that sre here have been just wanting a sexual relation or just "hooking up" for pleasure. I wonder at times if i will make it through my junior year here. The lonliness is eating away every day. I am a person that believes in "the power of positive thinking" - dr. Norman vincent peale being a great book- as well as some of my professors! Yet i can only think positive so much with reality hitting all the time with the results showing nothing for friends. Granted i have moved around a lot and has caused friendships too drift apart or be lost but why can't there be at least a few people that would be beside you no matter where or what? A friend to talk to, connect with, share daily thoughts with, support in times of despair and so forth. Where are friends that are similar interests, lifestyles, experiences and at same level ? Lonliness and lonliness with it's depression that comes with it. Why am i gay? Why did i have to be gay? It seems like living a straight life would have brought me so many more cool, honest, down to earth and not just looking for sex with no judgement on looks or if "in". Straight guy friends!! God i wish i could find them. I wish i could take away this gay sexual orientation. I need to maybe just get outa this damn college and city!!!!???? I will end up with a degree in counseling and psychology with a masters in lonliness at this rate. Wisconsin is lonely and eating away and freezing my warm heart and personality with it being a feeling of cold, dark and lonely- help me stop being damn gay? Support gay pride when i am not even proud of it? Are we all just fooling ourselves that we are so proud to be gay? Yea----right! Suicide rates in youth high with gay teens. Proud? Lets find a way to stop homosexuality. It"s killing a lot of people. The ones that are not physically dead........are like me and just slowly dying inside with thoughts of "is this world real or it's people?".
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Old 10-14-09, 03:58 PM   #3
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((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you feel so alone.
You are not alone here though.
<3
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Old 10-23-09, 03:25 PM   #4
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So sorry you feel lonely.

I dont think being gay has anything particular to do with why your lonely as im a lonely person too. Its so hard to find friends , i wish i had some though im lucky cause i have people i can talk to on here and other forums at least we have that.

Just be proud of who you are, which by the way, you sound intelligent and honest. Keep up your positivity as you have been doing and finally before you know it you will have friends.
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Old 12-23-09, 06:58 PM   #5
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I know how you feel buddy, sorry you're going through this. I guess it's necessary to figure out how to make your own life overall right?

Thanks for writing, and well put.

Pete
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