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This is a discussion on Accept? within the LGBT forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Divorce would be the last thing she would do why because she is not aware of my feelings which is ...

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Old 01-29-13, 09:06 AM   #11
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Divorce would be the last thing she would do why because she is not aware of my feelings which is a concern and I don't think her husband would allow for her to have another partner whilst being in a relationship already that too another female. I understand that if I did tell her she may tell me she doesn't love me or never talk to me again which would practically hurt me a lot. The goodness of it could be she loves me back which are very few chances of that happening or just simply like me which is not enough. I have kept my feelings hidden from her for the past 10 months going on to 11. I can do it for longer but I wish I could just express myself to her. I've had bad experiences with men and that is why I do not want to love another man ever again. That is when she came into my life and I fell in love with her. Every day and every night I think about her. It hurts to know she can never be mine but what hurts also is that she'll never know.
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Old 01-29-13, 10:16 AM   #12
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Okay, well if anything you do (like explaining yourself to her) wouldn't disrupt the marriage then I don't see any reason why not to express your feelings. But I suggest that you find a relationship with someone that is also not married, though.

Also, I notice from your quote and how you describe her that you have a strong interest in her. I really want to stress that however the situation ends up, don't hurt yourself or do anything in grief or anger. If you have any of those feelings just come back here and talk.

This is a personal question, so you don't have to answer it if you wouldn't care to, but why does it have to be her? Certainly there are other fish in the sea don't you think? Would you be averse to the thought of looking for someone else? And if why not, then for any reason in particular? Once again, don't feel obligated to answer me on this.
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Old 01-30-13, 06:37 AM   #13
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Once I pick up the courage then I will ask her but I don't think that will be anytime soon. You know what I always thought it would be men all the way I would never love a girl as I did not approve of it. When she came in to my life everything changed and now I do approve of loving another woman but I am not entirely sure if it would be anyone other than her it will always just be her I can't replace her. When I said I've had enough of men I meant every word of it but there's no way I would want to let go of her and find someone else. I don't want to fall in love with anyone else because I myself was really scared when I came to realization that I actually love another woman. When I said I would never love a man I thought I would want to stay single all my life. But there's just no room for another woman or any woman. I love her and I hope once in her life whenever the time she will love me back.
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Old 01-30-13, 11:06 AM   #14
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I'm sure that she loves, and does, in fact, have a deep affection for you. But you've had the realization that you are a lesbian, and I think in your situation you might have felt that she will be the only one that you will ever feel that way about. Because she was the first. But there will always be someone out there that is not in a relationship that can love you back and not have obligation to another man or woman. They will actually be able to love you back just as much.

After you have a talk with her, and tell her how you feel, maybe you should go looking for companionship with other women. I'm not saying you're restricted to one gender forever. But I don't think you should ever force yourself to be something you're not. And that means if you're just lgbt, then you shouldn't force yourself to be anything else. So if you never feel romantic affection towards a man like you do a woman, then that is where you should find love.

You shouldn't neglect your duties to your faith just because you're lgbt and because some assholes say or think you're "immoral". I can't really speak for other faiths, so I can only speak for mine. And in Orthodox Judaism, it says not to be promiscuous. Both men and women are forbidden from being promiscuous. So heterosexuality isn't inherently right or correct just because it is between a man and a woman. All sexuality is forbidden besides what is in marriage. And for Orthodox Jews we have the laws of marital separation so even that is restricted. So if you ever have some guy or girl come down on you for being lgbt, and he\she fools around outside of marriage, they're being a huge hypocrite. But that is a Jewish belief, I'm not sure about Islam and if they're allowed sexual relations outside of marriage.

Regardless of what other people think, don't stop with your faith, and don't stop believing.

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Old 01-31-13, 06:04 AM   #15
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Hold on how does that make me a lesbian when I've liked and fancied men in the past? Right now I just can't think about loving another woman it's crazy and loving her will be difficult because my religion does not allow it They don't allow relationships before marriage and certainly not with same sex but I cannot help myself the way i feel. I love her and will continue to love her but I hope it gets easy for me.
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Old 01-31-13, 02:40 PM   #16
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Like I said, I really don't know your preference. I was just trying to be as inclusive as possible. Perhaps you're bisexual? Do you consider yourself lgbt?
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Old 02-01-13, 08:24 AM   #17
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The thing is when I mentioned I will never love a man that is true but as I have 'liked' or 'fancied' men that's different and I'm saying in the future that can happen but I will love the woman I have been loving since exact 11 months today. People have told me I am Bi only the ones I've told about my situation and they say it is very clear from my behavior. I haven't come into terms with it yet but once I know she loves me back then you never know I will come into terms with it.
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Old 02-01-13, 10:35 AM   #18
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Well I hope for good in anything you do.
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Old 02-02-13, 03:25 PM   #19
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That means an awful lot to me I'm just trying to pick up the courage now that when I do return to Uni how I would face her n what I would say. Thanks for your support
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Old 02-19-13, 11:24 PM   #20
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I've mostly accepted it but I still deal with issues from time to time. Honestly, I think with most people it's a lifetime struggle...you try your hardest each day to be more comfortable with yourself.
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