Sorry if my post seems a little long but my longing to belong and the battle for the past 31 years to feel as if I'm loved and have friends doesn't seem to be nearing any time soon. I have been described throughout my life as someone who looks like a rat. I have been called Ratboy, Ponoccio, monkey boy, ape man, etc throughout my life. I was severely picked on in in my early days by both guys and girls. Guys made fun of me because I was skinny and weak and girls made fun of my face as well as being skinny. To this day, I still feel like I look skinny. I workout 5 days a week, I run and lift weights but I seem to not be able to get as big as most guys who have all the luck with women and have a lot of friends. I literally have no friends, a friend being( someone I can call and talk to, not text or email, someone to hang out with and have fun with ie go to the movies, swim, run etc). Every weekend that goes by and I see zero calls on my phone it makes me feel like I'm better off dead. If no one seems to like me because of the way I look and my enadequate social skills does that just make me seem to be a bad person? I am somewhat socially inept because I am afraid of people because I feel when people look at me they look at me as if I'm retarded. I'm still haunted by my school days and the memories of being picked on which even lasted up into my 20s. I'm 34 years old now, and I have determined that I need serious help. I don't know what to do. I'm currently in the Navy but I feel uncomfortable with talking with a Navy counselor and I don't have the money to seek out a civilian therapist. I have never had a girl friend nor have even kissed a girl. It seems like people think I'm gay because I don't have a girlfriend for someone my age. I'm stuck in my command for at least 3 years and I'm beginning to tell myself that I will not have a social life or a a girlfriend for at least 3 years until I move on to my next post. I figure I have t somehow seek therapy and learn how to communicate and make friends. That way when I go to my next command or go back to college I will have the basic skills to one day be happy and be a normal and regular looking guy. I feel that I must get a makeover and plan on having cosmetic surgery on my nose, teeth, and jaw. With so much attention on looks, I feel I don't even stand a chance with women. As with guys, they seem to be afraid to hang around someone who looks skinny and looks like a rat. Must I endure 3 more years of my decades long battle to fit in? How do I cope with having to be alone for the next 3 years while I get my facial surgery, seek therapy, and gain further jobs skills at my job? How do I keep myself from thinking thoughts of death or severe injury to myself which are occuring ever more frequently especially due to the fact I'm having severe difficulty making friends in the military? Is there hope for me? Or, am I destined to always be alone and will just be viewed as somoene as bad as convicted felon? Will I go to Hell because no one likes me? Could I be experiencing punishment from a past life? Do people just subconsiously not like me just because I'm around and for what I look like and who I am? If I wasn't afraid of going to Hell, I think I would have done in with myself along time ago. Please help.

First off you certainly ain't goin to hell, what religion do you follow? Make sure you've made the requirements for your religion and you won't go to hell. I'm a really open minded person and have studied many religions, but have yet to find one where there is no way to be saved. In my case (christianity-protestant) all I have to do is accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and saviour. Off of that topic though, because religion can become troubling (example: disagreements) all steming from different people's points of veiw, but we all have our own point of veiw and religion and what-not cause we're entitled to it, and feel free to talk about it in the faith forums

I think people that judge people by appearance ain't really that smart. People make fun of other people and laugh just to have the pleasure of feeling they're the shit themselves. Pay that shit no mind. It's up to you or not whether you get your cosmetic surgery, but I feel like you can live a normal life either way. Get you some buddies while you're stationed there and learn you some moves so you'll be ready to approach someone with a comfortable attitude that you'd like to date. Getting friends is as easy as thinking up a bullshit ass topic just to make conversation. "You see that show last night" ect. People used to think I was retarded when I was on alot of ritallin that shit zoned me out when I was a kid. People still think I'm off cause of the crazy shit I say :p lol. I don't give a damn, that's them, I'ma do me. Take pride in who you are and what you do and fuck what anybody else thinks, read shadow's quote in my sig. Welcome to the forum and I hope you stick around, as you can learn alot more there are plenty of people just like me and just like you on this forum. All our circumstances differ, but we're all one big supportive family

Venom