I'm Nicky, just recently turned 20, and am a University student.
I have been battling with several eating disorders for over a year now, caused by dieting and poor body image gone too far. I associate all of my emotions with food. I struggle to stop thinking about it, but know that when I'm unhappy, I turn to it.
In saying that I am, by no means, overweight because I exercise a fair amount. But my constant swinging between uncontrollable binge eating, crash dieting, and starving myself is exhausting me. But I can't stop.
I only became aware of it being associated with my depression when I went overseas for 3 weeks a few months ago. For the first time in years, I was truly happy and having a good time. And surprise surprise. I barely ever thought about food, and 2-3 bites of anything and I was stuffed. Returning home at my goal weight of 110 pounds, I managed to fall back into old eating patterns, putting me back at 115. In my obsessive state, I see myself as fat. And now I'm back to square one. Dieting, bingeing, and being unable to stop.
I always tell myself that things that make me happy will bump me on to the road to recovery. Things like exercise, hanging out with friends, sex. But in the end, It's always the same. I'm alone.