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Old 06-20-20, 05:29 PM   #1
New Member
Join Date: Jun 2020
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 1
Default My story

This is my first time writing anything, I'm here because I haven't got any family or friends, 3 kids one is 4 months old, iv always been on my own my mum left me when I was 9, dad made me homeless because I was pregnant at 17 I lived in a hostel and lost everyone, his dad was very abusive and controlling for many years, now I have a new partner with my young baby and it's nightmare, I think I'm struggling with some sort of depression since the birth, I feel to ashamed to get help to be honest, I also have physical health problem that's left me house bound for about a year now and live inconsistent pain, iv had very little help and no emotional support what do ever,i haven't had a visitor come see me for about a year now, and no phone me anymore, people just don't like me. So I'm the problem only my partner's friends and family come round for him, I feel lost and lonely, I have no one to talk to or who even cares about me, my partner abuse to me is getting worse, he keeps leaving me with the baby more and he does ery little to help around the house, everything is an argument coz he thinks I'm pathetic as I'm struggling with everything, he calls me horrible names every single day i have to try and hide my feeling from him, everyday at some point i cry private without no one knowing, I put a fake smile on most days just to get through the day but it's getting harder and harder to keep strong his violence and lies are getting worse and he terrifies what he could do to me when he's mad, I seen he's been trying to meet other women and hasn't done in the past, no one wants me or loves me, I really hate myself I can't remember last time I looked in a mirror I'm just a fat ugly abnormal thing, mynonly way out of this pain is to go, I'm no good to my kids I can't take care of them or maintain my home anymore and I hate myself for being a terrible mum to them they deserve better then me,nmy partner hates me anyway he just does thing for me so he don't have u hear me moaning he would never do anything just because he loved me he's only here because he loved the kids, there's no point in staying here anymore it's a pointless life, my kids are better of without me, and no one else would even notice I was gone, sorry for the long post but I have no we're else to turn with anyone who understands me
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Old 06-21-20, 10:28 AM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: A Fruitloop Daydream
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Hey Charlotte92, welcome to TTL.

I am not great with advice. I am fairly quiet and don't usually even try to give out advice. But, your post couldn't just be left at hello. So, here goes.

You need to get to a safe place. Abusive relationships never lead to good outcomes. You can't get your head straight without being away from the stress you are currently under.

I am sorry you are lonely. I have that problem myself. Being quiet leads to few real life friends.

I am not sure what more I can say. But if you want to chat more about things. I will see what I can come up with.

Please take care. Road Ratt
Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.

- Listener
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