Hi. I'm not sure what I'm doing here, I just don't always feel like I have anyone to talk to... I get so tired but I don't sleep. I stay awake and think... I'm so tired of thinking, so tired of arguing... for no reason...
sometimes I get so tired of hearing myself think.
Been in and out of therapists offices for years, been in and out of my psychytrist's office for years... really need to go back, or find someone who can help...
Just feel alone. powerless. stuck in a rut, stuck in time.
I'm 30, a teacher (and a good one, tho I don't feel up to it).
I wear a thick mask - always have.
I'm a bit of a writer and an artist and a musician. In my mind you kind of have to be when you've got no other outlet of expression as an only kid, so it's habit I guess.
Just feel alone. Always just wanted a home, somewhere to belong...
sad.

hey strawbean, boy do i know how that feels, i left hours ago for the night, and i'm back here again wide awake
i'll bet you'll find something of a home here, and so many people who care
you should check out the music forums, creative writing, and art gallery

Thanks, Dragontears.
That would be nice, certainly.
I did check out the art gallery. Pretty cool. I'll have to see if I have any stuff to share.
It is nice to know that other people feel this way, too.

Hello strawbean welcome to the forums.:) You'll met some incredibly nice and caring people on here who feel like you do.

i thought you'd like that, check out jupiter's stuff in the gallery, she's brilliant

If you want a place to belong this is it. We are a rag tag family of sorts. Not related by blood, not close in distance but in love and heart. We take care of eachother here at ttl. Welcome to the family.

I wanted to talk about a lot of things. But I'm not sure in what forum to do this.
And I don't want to bum anyone out.
When I was a kid, I was raped, and sexually molested and basically invisible.
I was horribly depressed and unaware for years.
I thought about suicide all the time.
I finally found help years later through a good friend, who helped me find a therapist, and I've become aware of things, and learned to deal.
But I still fight with depression, and it influences my life. I think I should go back to a psychiatrist - I still think about suicide sometimes (esp on weekends when I'm not busy - I learned a long time ago that keeping busy helps keep me from thinking),
and now I'm trying to figure out my life still - what I'm going to do in my future, whether or not I should have kids - don't want to mess them up, even tho I've learned from others, and am really great with kids.
Especially when I'm not depressed, that is.
Ideas on how/where to talk?
Should I talk about different subjects in different forums?

You're not bumming everyone out, it's my pleasure to listen and know I'm not alone.

That sounds alot like what I went through....I was molested by my cousin and I've been depressed for a long time too.

You wont bum anyone out.. if we didnt share then nobody could really get any healing now could they? Just pour it all out.... I understand you pain... I was sexually abused as a child too...

Welcome Strawbean, I am glad that you found this site. It can be very helpful. The people here are a very loving group of people. Look forward to seeing you in the forums. I am sorry that you are having a hard time. I hope that you can find some solice here.