Desperate...just want to be rescued
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Desperate...just want to be rescued

This is a discussion on Desperate...just want to be rescued within the Introductions forums, part of the Forum Announcements category; Hi everyone Sadly I'm not new to suicide forums/mental health forums, but I'm new here. I'm a 26 year old ...

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Old 04-04-16, 05:56 PM   #1
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Default Desperate...just want to be rescued

Hi everyone

Sadly I'm not new to suicide forums/mental health forums, but I'm new here.

I'm a 26 year old female from the UK, and am really at the end, but without the courage to actually end it. I know what I would do and have obtained the means but I'm well aware that I just don't have it in me.

It's all a bit convoluted but I'll keep it short. I basically have very severe social phobia (which is a condition that's still really not recognised in the slightest), severe depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia. They have become me, and I have been largely housebound with absolutely no life for years. I live alone and have no contact whatsoever with anyone besides my parents, who I also really struggle to talk to on any level.

I'm doing an OU degree (Psychology, who'd have guessed) and have recently voluntarily signed myself up to this 'back to work' programme operated by the government for people on disability benefits, where I talk to an advisor. My Dad's coming with me, otherwise I couldn't get there. I've had extremely little work experience, I've just been shut away essentially since I was 19, despite getting mental health support, which didn't seem to help. It's been total hell. Unbelievably I had a boyfriend for many years, who was my one friend, but after hanging on for an admirably long time he had to leave for his own sanity and to pursue his own goals. He won't talk to me and has blocked my number because he is with someone else now and can't cope with any of it.

I'm also trying to go to this Samaritans info day to find out about volunteering with them on their emotional health helpline as a listener, but I'm so debilitated by my conditions in every way that even this seems hugely out of my reach.

I know few people are very happy, mental health problems or not, and especially at the moment; but I feel like there has to be a life out there for me somewhere, however complicated and diffcult it's going to me to untangle myself from all this. I used to have a spark in me, I just want it back, because I can't kill myself.

I'd just like to chat to someone. Thank you :)
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Old 04-04-16, 06:52 PM   #2
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Hey coraline50 welcome.
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Even if our scars donít match thereís no wrong you canít make better if you can figure out a way to change your mind.

And sure thereís things I regret not doing or doing. Those thoughts climb my spine like spiders, and then Iím really the stranger in my own bed,

and that ball of nervous gets pushed into every crack. Thatís whatís holding the bricks together.


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Old 04-04-16, 11:23 PM   #3
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Hey, Coraline, welcome
There is quite a bit here. Can you create a tread in "depression" sub-forum (or any other you see fitting) so we can discuss this freely?
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Old 04-05-16, 09:26 AM   #4
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Hi Shacke. :) No problem. I'm still getting used to this forum, and thought I could give a bit of an outline to why I'm here. I'll definitely do that though --speak again soon hopefully!
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Old 04-05-16, 08:23 PM   #5
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Welcome coraline50!
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agoraphobia, social phobia, suicide

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