I know that there is no way I can't convince you that this is not one of their tricks, but I don't care. I am Me. My name is Valarie, I feel I don't have much longer to live, and I wanted to tell someone about my life. This is the only autobiography I'll ever write and, God, I'm writting it on toliet paper.
I was born in Nottingham in 1985, I do not recall much of those early years, but I do remember the rain. My grandmother, she owned a farm in Tottle Brook, and she used to tell me that God is in the rain.
I passed my 11 plus and went to girls' grammer. It was at school I met my first girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. Her wrists...they were beautiful. I thought we would love each other forever.
I remember our teacher telling us it was an adolesant phase that people outgrew. Sarah did. I didn't.
In 2002, I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year, I came out to my parents. I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand. My father wouldn't look at me, he told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing.
But I had only told them the truth; was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, yet it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch; we are free.
I've always known what I wanted to do with my life, and in 2015, I starred in my first film, The Salt Flats. It was the most important role in my life. Not because of what it did for my career, but because it was how I met Ruth.
The first time we kissed, I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again.
We moved into a small flat in London together. Ruth grew Scarlet Carsons for me in our window box, and our place always smelled of roses. Those were the best years of my life.
But America's war grew worse and worse, and finally, came to London. After that there were no more roses. Not for anyone.
I remember the meaning of words began to change. How words like 'collaterial' and 'renditioning' became frightening and how words like 'Norsefire' and 'The Articles of Allegience' became powerful. I remember how 'different' became dangerous. I still don't understand it; why they hate us so much?
They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I never cried so hard in my life. It wasn't long until they came for me.
It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place. But for 3 years, I had roses and apologized to no one.
I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch, it is small, it is fragile, and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.
I hope that whoever you are, you escape this terrible place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better.
But what I hope most of all, is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you or kiss you...I love you.
With all my heart, I love you...