For those of you who know about the organization "To write love on her arms" then you'll know its a group for depression, suicide, and addictions. As a college kid I'm frequently on Facebook and they had an event a few days ago for a To write love on her arms day, where you just literally write love on your arms, but there are shirts and other merchandise you can buy to support the cause too. I learned about the group after seeing someone with a shirt and I happened to look it up and then stumbled upon the facebook group. So for the day I wrote love on my arms with a red sharpie as my own way to show my support, and I was happily suprised to learn that others did it too including one of my best friends. They don't know all the details of the darker sides of my past, but she at least knows I was very depressed years ago and while I've never been one to cut myself I'd had the thoughts that go with it.
Sometimes, like many people do, she can be overdramatic when she's stressed about something, jokingly saying she wants to die or kill herself, and I always tell her that if I'm not allowed to then she's not. Of course the difference is that if I were to say it I might be a little more serious. She's never been truly depressed but she at least understands to an extent and it was nice to see she wrote love down her shoulder. Even though its been almost 3 years since my dad killed himself, I've never told anyone outside my family because I've always felt it would make things so awkward and strange, that they would feel they had to treat me differently somehow, and it would especially make such conversations such as jokes about suicide that much more strange if they knew that it bothers me more than they know.
Then there are people who blatantly joke and make fun of such acts and are exactlly the kind of people who encourage me to hide and lie about my life. He's one of my newer friends from class and sometimes he really annoys me when he acts the way he does. He has a very sarcastic sense of humor, to the point where its hard to tell when he's serious if ever. He flat out told us we were stupid, that the act was stupid and it was quite upsetting that he would take it so lightly. Its sad to know there are people who don't understand how serious things like depression, suicide, and drug addiction really are and that they go so far as to make fun of it. I have another friend who upset me like that once before, saying that she didn't believe in depression and thought it was a stupid made-up thing, and that she couldn't understand how anyone would want to kill themselves.
Even with such people in the world, little things like To write love on her arms are a nice little reminder that I'm not alone in my feelings and thoughts, and that there are people also suffering and people who understand that pain. There are people out there who care and want to help, and it was great to show my own support for others and a reminder to myself that everything will be okay, even in this small way. I feel like I'm a step closer to being more open about my past and my pain, and hopefully closer to healing just a little more.