Light at the end of the tunnel
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Light at the end of the tunnel

This is a discussion on Light at the end of the tunnel within the Inspirational Quotes and Stories forums, part of the Inspiration category; I found this site years ago when I was in a dark place in my life and was hopeful of ...

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Old 05-11-18, 09:36 AM   #1
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I found this site years ago when I was in a dark place in my life and was hopeful of finding what I wanted and needed which was help.
Let me begin to talk a bit about myself that led me to the dark place of trying to end my life.

I was sexually abuse by an uncle at age 9 (told no-one), sexually abuse by my father at age 11-16 (and was afraid to speak up) at age 16 I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend (who is now my husband) and he convinced me to tell my mother. I listened to him and finally confessed but my mother didn’t believe me, she took my father side; my father had convinced her that I had made up the story to have an excuse to leave the house. I left my house at age 16 after my confession and moved in with my boyfriend and his family. Although, I left my home I still visited because of my younger sister,( I promised I wouldn’t abandoned her although she didn’t know why I left. I held that anger towards my mom for so long for not believing me. The day my father tried choking my sister to death because she was caught talking to a boy my mom hysterically called crying telling me how she had to intervene to save my sisters life but even then she didn’t believe that he could of touched me, I finally told my sister the reason I had moved out and she believed me yet my mother’s denial started putting doubts in my boyfriend thinking I had made up the story to trap him. At age 28 after having 2 children with my husband he confessed he had cheated on me and had a child with this other woman (9yrs younger than me). I felt like the building had collapsed over me yet I forgave him (which I would later regret). A year later of his confession I had my son which I believed brought us closer and I felt happy. Until I saw the messages, the calls, the pictures and realized years later that my husband although he confessed he never ended the affair and lived a double life with her and myself. I felt worthless, as though the world had swallowed me alive. I attempted several ways to kill myself several times thinking everyone would be better off but all my attempts failed and he would say I was only doing it for attention. It hurt me more than anything else, than the formal abuse and I couldn’t understand why. Till my therapist highlighted I saw him as my prince, the one who rescued me. I had put him on a pedestal and when he failed it tore me apart. I couldn’t understand why the person who would say “I love you” every night would be saying “she’s crazy” to the other woman. I blamed her; I hated her for destroying my home, my family, my life. I couldn’t take the betrayal, the humiliation and just wanted the years of sheltered pain to stop so I looked for a way out. Till the day I opened my eyes and had my kids wiping away my tears I began to understand, THEY need me and I had enough. Instead of trying to end my life, I wanted to end my marriage. Packed up his things and asked him to leave, go be happy with your mistress.

Funny thing that it took him to see how he was going to lose his family for someone he thought he loved. He stayed but ended the affair for good and now struggling to get custody of his child.

I am not going to say I fully trust him after everything that had happened and that I conquered my depression but at least I was able to step out of the dark place I was in and began to see a light. My children were the answer not to end my life. Now I continue to fight day by day to have the courage to live for them.
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Old 05-11-18, 01:36 PM   #2
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@shadow===it takes a lot of courage to tell your story here and we cannot imagine your pain,suffering and dissapointments in your life..incest and sexual abuse is the worst what can happen if one is young like you were young...in most of the cases it creates disgust,trauma and sometimes a lifetime anger,anxiety,then what your so called husband did is even worser because your trust must have been totally broken to learn that the father of your children was no more then a cheating asshole with no life respect and values towards you..i think it's a crying shame that things can happen this way..that's why i said that you deserve our respect for bringing this in the open on this forum,we do not judge here...we listen...and we try to find a way to give solace and to accept the fact that nobody will like your story,but everyone will admire your guts for telling us...one of my facebook friends got abused by her father at age 8,she developped a trauma,got ill of fybryomyalgia,got a disgust of having children(so never had any)but told her husband to be what happened and he accepted her but felt disgusted towards her father...she broke up relationship with her parents and just like your mom her mother could not believe that her hubby could do things like thathow does it come so far i ask myself?does a married couple not have sex enough or is it just the influence of porn..it gives such a total wrong idea of what sex should be,me thinks.
..Belgium is full of these stories like yours and very often it is disguised or denied by the monsters who did it...where is society gone to?thanks for posting your story...we can only see and notice that you're a good Mom who lives for her kids==the credit goes entirely to you,shadow...
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Last edited by tigerlover; 05-11-18 at 01:40 PM.
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Old 05-11-18, 04:08 PM   #3
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This is beautiful. I appreciate your story. I am glad you were able to overcome it all.
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