I think I already posted a thread about this, but needed to make a new one. I saw the documentary of Hicks' life a few weeks back after my gf got me a bootleg copy. But tonight I went to the premier here in LA.
This probably needs some exposition- for those who don't know who Bill Hicks, he was a little known stand-up comic who died 17 years ago at the age of 32. He was as bold a social commentator as you can find, up there with George Carlin and Lenny Bruce. Personally, the thing that has always amazed me about Hicks was his poise on stage. I wouldn't call it confidence, but just some peace he had with himself and in everything he believed. He was going to say what he wanted to say and never cared what anyone ever thought of him or his opinions.
The filmmakers and some of Bill's friends were there. Before I even got in the theatre someone who I assume was with the production company filmed a quick 1-minute interview with me just asking about my thoughts on Bill. It was crazy to see so many people who actually knew Bill at the event, it somehow made me feel closer to Hicks.
Then watching the movie; it didn't matter at all that I had already seen the movie it was still an amazing experience. Have you ever found someone or something obscure, like a band for example, that speaks to you so strongly that you almost like
the fact that they're relatively unknown? You somehow feel that thing is yours
and yours alone? Hicks' comedy would seem like something that would fall into that category for me, but I really have never felt that way about him (well, maybe the first week or two). I really had wished there was someone to share his profound social commentary with. Tonight I got to sit in a theatre full of people who I'm sure felt the same way. Laughing at jokes so biting that, although we'd all heard his jokes several times before, were still as effective as the first time we heard them.
At the very end of the film they showed Hicks' famous "Its just a ride" speech. (can be heard here: YouTube - Bill Hicks - It's Just A Ride
) I've heard it dozens of times before and could recite it by heart. But somehow, tonight, watching the speech again it literally felt like Bill was speaking directly to me. It was an amazing feeling. I've never done hallucinogenics before (Hicks often used mushrooms) but as Hicks was talking to me I just thought to myself "This is it. This is 'tripping'. My mind is going to a place its never been before." It felt almost as Bill was projecting that poise, that I spoke of above, into me.
Last night I posted some pretty dark journal entries. In a nutshell I was explaining how I felt completely detached from the universe. I didn't just feel disonnected from people, but disconnected from any sense of meaning, self, or significance. If those feelings could be summed up into a single question ("why am I here?", "who am I?", whatever...) then tonight's experience felt like it was leading me towards the answer. I guess it was in some way a spiritual experience.