One by one, they dwindle away...
In March of 2005, I lost my grandmother suddenly, she was one of my first supporters and it was such a shock to find her like that. In May of 2006, I lost my stepdad, the only father I ever really had, the only one who cared. In July of 2006, I lost a very dear family friend, who accepted and loved me for who I was.. In September of 2006, I lost my paternal grandmother, in May of 2007 I lost a maternal aunt, May 2009, I lost a paternal aunt who was always there for me when I was small, in November of 2009, a dear uncle.
On Friday, I just learned the son of my dear friend who passed away in 2006 died unexpectedly. It didn't help how low I was already feeling.
I'm scared to think to the future, is there even a point to it? What with Death always hanging over me like this? I'm terrified that I'm going to lose the last precious people in my life and I'll be completely alone.
I'm scared to open up much to anyone else because I just can't deal with losing too many more people.
I feel like part of my problem is this grief which is still weighing down on me, but I don't know how to fix this. I feel that why right do I have to be happy when they're gone? I feel like, what's the point of trying if no one is there to see you move on and make something of your life. I feel lost, I feel like I'm drowning in this.
I just don't know.