When Does Is Stop?
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When Does Is Stop?

This is a discussion on When Does Is Stop? within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; One by one, they dwindle away... In March of 2005, I lost my grandmother suddenly, she was one of my ...

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Old 01-30-11, 11:48 PM   #1
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One by one, they dwindle away...

In March of 2005, I lost my grandmother suddenly, she was one of my first supporters and it was such a shock to find her like that. In May of 2006, I lost my stepdad, the only father I ever really had, the only one who cared. In July of 2006, I lost a very dear family friend, who accepted and loved me for who I was.. In September of 2006, I lost my paternal grandmother, in May of 2007 I lost a maternal aunt, May 2009, I lost a paternal aunt who was always there for me when I was small, in November of 2009, a dear uncle.

On Friday, I just learned the son of my dear friend who passed away in 2006 died unexpectedly. It didn't help how low I was already feeling.

I'm scared to think to the future, is there even a point to it? What with Death always hanging over me like this? I'm terrified that I'm going to lose the last precious people in my life and I'll be completely alone.

I'm scared to open up much to anyone else because I just can't deal with losing too many more people.

I feel like part of my problem is this grief which is still weighing down on me, but I don't know how to fix this. I feel that why right do I have to be happy when they're gone? I feel like, what's the point of trying if no one is there to see you move on and make something of your life. I feel lost, I feel like I'm drowning in this.

I just don't know.
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Old 01-31-11, 04:44 AM   #2
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In my experience the pain of loss does not go away but grows more tolerable. I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news, but that is how my experience has been. I have had to learn that over a period of 15 years.

I think your loved ones would want you to go on, to live as happily as you can in their memory. You carry them with you in your memories and experiences. It is true they can't be with you in person now but they are with you in spirit and I think they would not want you to hurt so much.

There are often support groups for people who have lost loved ones in town. If nothing else, check at the local hospital about that. Ask them about support groups/classes for bereavement as they generally either have them or can refer you to something. Sometimes they are also posted on Craig's List under the major category "groups", if you live in the USA.
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Old 01-31-11, 04:48 AM   #3
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So sorry to hear you went through all this, but as the above poster stated, I'm sure your loved ones would want you to go on and try to live your life.

Have you ever gone to see any one professional to talk to about this? They could help you in ways of carrying around the grief that you are living in.

The above poster mentioned support groups, which I think would be a good way to talk to people that are in similar situations as yourself to talk to.

I wish you the best of luck, and TTL is always here for you when ever you need to talk or vent.
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Old 01-31-11, 10:13 AM   #4
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(((hugs you both)))

Thank you both. I think part of me knows this, understands this, even maybe accepts this, but at the same time, I feel that I'm so deep down that it's too dark to find my way out. I always go back to feeling guilty that I'm still here, when there are times - a lot of times - where I just don't want to be and then also sad because they aren't here. I haven't tried support groups yet, but maybe today I'll do a little research.
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Old 01-31-11, 06:10 PM   #5
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It sounds like finding others who are also suffering loss will be a good thing for you. Right now you feel so guilty, so alone, so battered and broken by what life has offered/taken from you. It is hard to imagine anybody else understanding or supporting you right where you are. At least in the USA, our culture doesn't offer much to the grieving process or the needs of people who have experienced loss. This only adds to your feeling of isolation and crushing sorrow.

I would strongly suggest finding a group, or a counselor who helps people in the grieving process. If you find a group and they seem open to it, be as honest as you feel you can about what you are going through so that people can reach out and help you/comfort you better. Sometimes it is consoling to listen and just participate passively. In my experience people are much more able to offer support or assistance if they understand what is wrong.

((((Hugs)))) and support. Your little nesting place has been robbed of all its comforts and sense of security with these losses. The world is a scary place when you have to face it alone. You are strong and I think when you reach out you will find people in your community who will help you stay strong.
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Old 01-31-11, 06:18 PM   #6
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Sweet Serenity, you do dance in the rain, you just don't know it yet. In time you will see this for yourself. Sometimes you have to dance when you hurt most, to let your tears fall like diamonds in the rainy sorrow of your life. From your tears will sprout flowers, and as you look back you will see that you have left a trail of bright little blossoms that softly sway in the sunshine, just like you.
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Old 01-31-11, 08:13 PM   #7
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hottea654, your words totally made my day today and for once I had happy tears. Thank you so much, I think you just gave me a little bit of my hope back.
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Old 02-01-11, 08:45 PM   #8
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