Guys, for 6 months I have been keeping myself isolated from the outside world and simply every member of my home. Because I do not get on with them ,etc.
I always skip my sleep at countless nights, and feel rather disconnected to everything around me and feel 100% insomniac to rest. Almost feeling like my own sleep will eat me up ,rather afraid to close my eyes and just dose off. So I sleep off the whole day where I can just lock myself up in a room, and depart from pain. (Truth is I have nothing to live for in the day, besides always being present for the emotional aching).
This leads to me not eating at all.. so I end up eating late at night or atleast late evening. Also mentioning in a previous thread I have had hair loss problems, due to weak chemicals to my scalp (Cuz of stress/anxiety/overthinking) and not eating to be staying up with my nutritions.
I sometimes feel lonesome, I want to be able to talk to someone on my level of understanding and mindset. I usually get adviced that I should talk to people then. But I do not take in heed. I feel different from everyone, the people I talk to and therefore expect the most obvious from them in a meet-up or conversation. Most individual seems to be the same, chatting what they did, their needs, their own shit, who they love, who they crush. And it drives me not 'insane' but drives me asleep. It is typical and "Yea yea... i know" sort of thing. So I do not want to put up with unnecessary elements. Mostly I would open up my laptop and begin spending some time for communication on here. Or just random chatrooms over the website and troll people to release some stress.
But even then, though the internet is not everything... a piece of me does not want to socialize with strangers online because on the internet people seem to be showing their true colors and it is easy to render what one is like. Thus, hate to be judged... which happens alot on internet. So basically im not bothered/interested at all.
The one individual I seem to be giving a crumb of my attention to, is that guy I had met out of nowhere on a random day and time. And seem to have clicked on with by long talks and discussions. Even then... I do not get that much of a chance to talk to him and neither does he with me. (Circumstantial) --- Life sucks for the best sometimes that way.
However... I just feel numb and empty. My health deteriorates , losing my hair, tiresome and glum face. I usually would curl up somewhere and end up crying just feeling the pain, but not knowing 'why' im crying. Almost like you get cut and the pain is all you feel... but you don't know why you're cut.
Sometimes I just cry for no reason. I sit anywhere in the house, and just drop dead asleep wherever i am...
I feel gone.
I just had felt like sharing this, knowing it is a depression forum and well... expecting you guys would feel a little mutual toward this.