Watching her die...
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Watching her die...

This is a discussion on Watching her die... within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I know this forum is for people grieving over a loss. My loss hasn't happened yet, so I'm sorry if ...

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Old 08-17-13, 03:32 AM   #1
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I know this forum is for people grieving over a loss. My loss hasn't happened yet, so I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, but I'm grieving too.

My grandma is dying. I brought her home from the hospital today, and she's on hospice care at home. They can't tell me how long she has, everyone is different. But the doctor feels like its a day or two.

It's so hard to deal with. She doesn't look like herself, but like a skeleton. I can't seem to help her get comfortable, she's always picking and pulling at her clothes, and the bedding. The hardest thing is that she is getting anxiety attacks now. She'll try to get out of bed and stand up. I can't let her, cause she can't support her own weight. It is so hard when she is panicking and I can't seem to help sooth her.

When I talk to her sometimes if I'm lucky I'll get a little shake or nod of her head. Some times she tries to talk to me, but it's so hard for her to find the words she's looking for, or to get them out. Usually though I can't tell if she's sleeping or if she can hear me. I want to help her, but for the most part I can't.

I keep thinking I should have spent more time with her these last months. I keep thinking about how scared she is, but don't know how to help her find peace with what's happening. I don't think she understands what is happening anymore. Most of all I think about what I'm going to do when she's not here anymore.
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Old 08-17-13, 05:38 AM   #2
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Hello Kajay,

I'm so sorry about your Grandma. I know how you are feeling, as I lost my brother at the beginning of this year after he had been seriously ill for 6 weeks. Just being there for your Grandma makes all the difference believe me. What you are doing in caring for her at home is amazing. Hold her hand and talk to her gently about anything, this will reassure her. If she's having panic attacks, is she able to take anything like benzodiazepines to ease the anxiety? What emotional support are you receiving, if anything. You need emotional and physical help at this time too?
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Old 08-17-13, 09:27 AM   #3
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The doctor prescribed some meds for her anxiety that we are giving her now. I'm doing what you recommended, just sitting in there with her, holding her hand and talking to her, I just hope it's enough, I don't want her to be scared. What help am I getting? None, but that's okay, the focus right now can be on her, this last day or two is precious.
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Old 08-17-13, 04:44 PM   #4
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I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can only imagine what you are going through. I know it is hard, but I am sure your grandma is so very happy you are there now. Be strong and we are here for you :)
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Old 08-18-13, 12:31 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by kajay15 View Post
The doctor prescribed some meds for her anxiety that we are giving her now. I'm doing what you recommended, just sitting in there with her, holding her hand and talking to her, I just hope it's enough, I don't want her to be scared. What help am I getting? None, but that's okay, the focus right now can be on her, this last day or two is precious.
Losing a dear family member is never easy. I suspect people can often feel the shortness of the time they have left in their subconscious, even if they cannot articulate it. She may be feeling anxious about leaving you. Like Maple said, reassuring her that you are with her and its okay can help. Human touch, holding her hand is also a good idea. Hang in there as it sounds like it won't be a long period of time. I think you are doing the right thing.
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