I know this forum is for people grieving over a loss. My loss hasn't happened yet, so I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, but I'm grieving too.
My grandma is dying. I brought her home from the hospital today, and she's on hospice care at home. They can't tell me how long she has, everyone is different. But the doctor feels like its a day or two.
It's so hard to deal with. She doesn't look like herself, but like a skeleton. I can't seem to help her get comfortable, she's always picking and pulling at her clothes, and the bedding. The hardest thing is that she is getting anxiety attacks now. She'll try to get out of bed and stand up. I can't let her, cause she can't support her own weight. It is so hard when she is panicking and I can't seem to help sooth her.
When I talk to her sometimes if I'm lucky I'll get a little shake or nod of her head. Some times she tries to talk to me, but it's so hard for her to find the words she's looking for, or to get them out. Usually though I can't tell if she's sleeping or if she can hear me. I want to help her, but for the most part I can't.
I keep thinking I should have spent more time with her these last months. I keep thinking about how scared she is, but don't know how to help her find peace with what's happening. I don't think she understands what is happening anymore. Most of all I think about what I'm going to do when she's not here anymore.