As a mother myself, I am so sorry for your loss and extend my deepest sympathies. I too have lost both my parents, and understand how grieving can feel like a living hell. But I am also certain there is no pain in the world quite like losing a child and my heart truly goes out to you.
It's clearly so raw because two years isn't really that long. There isn't a right/wrong way to grieve, nor should there be any expectation about how long it takes. Please be gentle with yourself and take as much time as you need to come to terms with your loss.
I came across the following passage by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, and hope it gives you some form of peace in the way it does for me
The reality is you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to.