Two years and it feels like yesterday
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Two years and it feels like yesterday

This is a discussion on Two years and it feels like yesterday within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; My precious little angel, Brianna died at the hands of the nurse who was caring for her as we slept, ...

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Old 08-25-09, 09:52 AM   #1
 
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My precious little angel, Brianna died at the hands of the nurse who was caring for her as we slept, she must have fallen asleep and Bri, aspirated, and choked to death, it must have been horrible for her, scared and all alone, mommy and daddy could not save her, our lives have been forever changed, I am physically disabled, but even if I was not, I still would not have the energy to do anything, I am so depressed, and unhappy, I cannot find pleasure in anything, or anyone, most days I do not want to get out bed, I am a born again christian, but I cannot go to church, or pray, I have no one to talk to, most or all of my freinds feel I should have gotten over it by now, my wife and I don't talk about it much, for fear of upsetting each other, my meds don't take away the pain and sorrow, Brianna was only 8 yrs old, our youngest child, she had CP and a seizure disorder, but her doctors said her condition was not life threatening, I am only 49, but I am ready to go home to be with God and Brianna , I feel like I have no purpose to go on, I am crippeled, and can't work and have no life, all the things I used to enjoy are meaningless to me, I have lost my daughter, my health, my job, about to lose my home, I am really tired.
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Old 08-25-09, 10:17 AM   #2
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Everyone is different. I know a friend who got over her grandmother's death in less than a few days, I know another friend who hasn't gotten over his grandpa's death for years (and still thinks about it).

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I just wanted to let you know that although people believe you "should" have gotten over it now... the thing is, you haven't yet. You still need a little more time or maybe a lot more. And that's perfectly fine but try not to let grieving take completely over all your other life activities and responsibilities. (Eating, sleeping, hygiene, exercising, working, paying bills, socializing etc.)

I don't know how you feel because I never experienced a death of a very loved one. God loves you, your daughter would have continued to too if she lived on, I don't think anyone would want you to end your life. Please don't.
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Old 08-25-09, 11:27 PM   #3
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(((((((((((dvdwit81))))))))

first of all let me welcome you to this forum. i truly hope u can share ur feelings and heal along the way. we are here to read and give u our insights or just our support, but you have someone to talk to. its not good to bottle ur feelings up i understand why u dont approach such delicate subject with ur wife since its pretty probable it can revive a lot of emotions. i admire ur strengh and ur decision to decide being part of a religious community. perhaps u dont have someone u trust enough to share ur feelings around you, but once again u can always come to us.

i think so wrong to put an expiration date on someone`s grieve. she is ur baby girls no one else`s. u dont have to justify ur reasons for still being affected by her departure... its perfectly understandable. give ur self the time u need to overcome this situation,and let in God`s hands the things u have no control over. after all he is the only one who has a right to judge us,yet he is not judging you. why should other ppl feel entitled to it??

my best regards!!!!

(((((((((((((welcome!! )))))))))))))))))))))0

((((((((((((((candid huggsssssss))))))))))))))0
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Old 08-26-09, 08:12 AM   #4
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Hello dvdwit81, welcome to TTL

So sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-27-09, 09:33 AM   #5
 
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I feel cheated, and it makes me angry, I have worked so hard to provide for my family, and a lot of long hours away from home, there is so much I missed, Mommies get all the fun time, the fun stuff, the cute stuff, the first words, the first steps, the bumps, the bruises, the scrapes, all the little ouwwies, the tea parties with their little girls, the princesses, the bubble baths, I can go on and on, it is so hard for me to see Brianna, life gets so busy and I have forgotten so much, I wish I could sit back all alone with my thoughts and just think about Brianna, and see her smiling face, remember her laughter, playing in the pool, riding her little bike, where have all my memories gone ? When I see parents with daughters my Brianna's age it makes me so sad and angry I think it is not fair, why should they be happy and I should be so miserable, what have I done wrong, why should my life be so meaningless and useless, why should I have to lose everything in my life, I have lost my daughter, my job, my health, I'm a cripple, I have no income, I am fighting for SSD, I'm about to lose my home, I've lost my Harley, whats next, whats next, I'm afraid to wake up and see what tommorrow will bring, more bill collectors, more pain, more sorrow, when does it end ??????????? I can't breathe
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Old 08-27-09, 05:12 PM   #6
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dvd, i'm a struggling Christian, too. if u ever want to talk about the spiritual struggles of this, there is a Christianity section here, too.
((((many hugs)))) i'm sorry for your loss.
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