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This is a discussion on Today within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; In a previous post I talked about how I sent my ambulance service to transfer my grandma to a bigger ...

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Old 01-22-13, 12:01 AM   #1
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In a previous post I talked about how I sent my ambulance service to transfer my grandma to a bigger hospital. Sadly, that beautiful woman went to heaven this morning.
I'm having trouble with my emotions. I refuse to be upset in front of my grandad and I'm too busy taking care of everyone else crying and what not that Im about to lose it. I'm glad my family sees me as someone to depend on like that but I can't handle it.
I also went to go pick out a scarf for her for the funeral today and it killed me. I couldn't find anything pretty an I just wanted her to be pretty.
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Life so hard, Iím so confused. Broken down, my soulís been used. And I know there wonít be an excuse,but sometimes you got to cut the pain loose. Now itís been a long 25 years. Living life with all these fears Iím holding on for a better day. Pray the sun will come and stay. Shine on me, shine on me<3

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Old 01-22-13, 12:05 AM   #2
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ohhh :( i am so sorry
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Old 01-25-13, 11:37 PM   #3
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Yesterday was the funeral and I started a fight with my family (which is over now thank god). THe last image of my grandma was in hospital, attached to 45 machines and a huge ventilator taped to her mouth......They wanted a closed casket...and not just closed to the funeral but closed to the family....I foudn that out about 30 mins before the funeral home closed the night before...I couldn't make it to another town over an hour away. I was mad and upset. My cousins and I would see my grandma like that for the rest of our lives. Well that casket was opened for the family after the funeral. I needed it. I am still grieveing just as hard as day one. I dont know what to do
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Life so hard, Iím so confused. Broken down, my soulís been used. And I know there wonít be an excuse,but sometimes you got to cut the pain loose. Now itís been a long 25 years. Living life with all these fears Iím holding on for a better day. Pray the sun will come and stay. Shine on me, shine on me<3

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Old 01-25-13, 11:51 PM   #4
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i'm sorry. did she live with you, were u very close?
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Old 01-25-13, 11:59 PM   #5
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I am so sorry for your loss! Nothing makes something like that just go away. Do you have anything you can do that will help you feel more comforted for this time? Some folks go to church or spend time with loved ones who were also close to the deceased. It can be good to spend time around others who are also feeling the effects of the loss, if you feel they would be accepting of that. Do you think your grandpa would welcome your company? He might need you more then you realize...
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Old 01-26-13, 12:03 AM   #6
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Sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-26-13, 03:12 AM   #7
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Grandpa would love my company. Im going to see him Sunday when I get back on Days off. I really hate it because I know he will be next. We actually were so prepared for him to go that we neglected to see when She had troubles of her own. =[
He had an operation a few years back that caused a massive stroke. He has dementia really bad and several weeks ago we had to have a family meeting where we signed a paper that he did live in the house he lives in and he owns it...It's horribly sad to watch.

Most of my issue right now is regret. Yes I spent lots of time with them, but most of it was talking to Grandad because we really didn't expect him to live so long.....My Mom (grandma is her mom) tells me that Grandma wanted it that way. And she really did. No one loved the way they did...No man loved a woman more, no woman loved a man more. She taught me how I'm supposed to be with my husband.

It just hurts so deep. My Poppa (my dad's dad) I lost a few months ago, I lived with and I'm still hurting from that. He was pretty much my dad because he was a jerk for so many years after my parents divorce. I really feel like they were the 2 people I was closest to. My Grandparents raised me.....Poppa was my surrogate father and Grandma, I was her mini-me. I was told so many times @ the funeral how everything I said sounded like her and I look so much like her. And my favorite "You are the strongest person I know, you got it from that woman."
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Life so hard, Iím so confused. Broken down, my soulís been used. And I know there wonít be an excuse,but sometimes you got to cut the pain loose. Now itís been a long 25 years. Living life with all these fears Iím holding on for a better day. Pray the sun will come and stay. Shine on me, shine on me<3

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Old 01-29-13, 10:14 PM   #8
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I'm feeling really guilty. I hate this feeling.
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Life so hard, Iím so confused. Broken down, my soulís been used. And I know there wonít be an excuse,but sometimes you got to cut the pain loose. Now itís been a long 25 years. Living life with all these fears Iím holding on for a better day. Pray the sun will come and stay. Shine on me, shine on me<3

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Old 01-31-13, 11:41 PM   #9
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i don't think she'd want you to feel guilty
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Old 01-31-13, 11:48 PM   #10
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Sorry for your loss
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