Grandpa would love my company. Im going to see him Sunday when I get back on Days off. I really hate it because I know he will be next. We actually were so prepared for him to go that we neglected to see when She had troubles of her own. =[
He had an operation a few years back that caused a massive stroke. He has dementia really bad and several weeks ago we had to have a family meeting where we signed a paper that he did live in the house he lives in and he owns it...It's horribly sad to watch.
Most of my issue right now is regret. Yes I spent lots of time with them, but most of it was talking to Grandad because we really didn't expect him to live so long.....My Mom (grandma is her mom) tells me that Grandma wanted it that way. And she really did. No one loved the way they did...No man loved a woman more, no woman loved a man more. She taught me how I'm supposed to be with my husband.
It just hurts so deep. My Poppa (my dad's dad) I lost a few months ago, I lived with and I'm still hurting from that. He was pretty much my dad because he was a jerk for so many years after my parents divorce. I really feel like they were the 2 people I was closest to. My Grandparents raised me.....Poppa was my surrogate father and Grandma, I was her mini-me. I was told so many times @ the funeral how everything I said sounded like her and I look so much like her. And my favorite "You are the strongest person I know, you got it from that woman."
Life so hard, Iím so confused. Broken down, my soulís been used. And I know there wonít be an excuse,but sometimes you got to cut the pain loose. Now itís been a long 25 years. Living life with all these fears Iím holding on for a better day. Pray the sun will come and stay. Shine on me, shine on me<3
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