struggling (long)
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struggling (long)

This is a discussion on struggling (long) within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; i lost my best friend late last year and im still struggling to keep it all together.... He was my ...

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Old 03-23-12, 04:13 AM   #1
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i lost my best friend late last year and im still struggling to keep it all together....

He was my beloved pet 'Rougar' a rottwieler i got when my dad left me, i was lost and bitter when he left and was self harming, being 14 my schooling went to shit and i didnt care about anything, i stopped riding horses and basically hid myself from the world.

When i got rougar it was an instand ray of light, a little puppy who needed me to look after him, he wouldnt lie to me, wouldnt hurt me, and would love me unconditionally. i stopped me wanting to die

He was my world and made everything else, all the problems just background noise.

There was an accident with one of my partners family members.

They were preparing to take measures to ensure rougar would be destroyed.

As distrought as this was i couldnt bear having the police or the ranger come to our house and take him from me.

So i took him to the vet and did it alone, i held down my baby and watched him die, all because my partners family member provoked him.... he was only 5y/o

I am still with my partner but since rougar died, its been a real struggle, as long as my story is already, theres alot of complexities.

Im struggling, and i dont know how long ill last ....

Last edited by Chilli; 03-23-12 at 04:15 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-23-12, 06:43 AM   #2
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Hi Chilli.
For a start, what you did for your friend was one of the bravest and most noble things I've heard of. The fact that you decided to accompany him to his transition from this world to the next was by far the best thing you could have done under the circumstances. He went happy, and peacefully, and no-one can be as true a friend as that.

However upsetting it may be for you to hear this, you mustn't forget he was one of the more powerful breeds man has manipulated, and with his genetically engineered strengths, has become something of a Frankensteins Monster. Something which it's creator undercalculated, didn't understand, and feared. He obviously had no vicious streak in him, but everybody has a breaking point, and unfortunately he was pushed to his and struck out, quite probably only to defend himself, but struck out nonetheless, and to all and sundry it was seen as an attack.
Whoever goaded such a powerful creature to such a point strikes me as a thoughtless or inconsiderate person(and probably deserved their injuries), but the law is the law, and once he struck back, his fate was sealed.

For your partner, please don't tar her with the same brush as you do her sibling. It more than likely hurt her two-fold, seeing a family member physically attacked, plus watching partner having to destroy the thing he loved. GIve her some credit, cut her some slack.
Try sitting down with her and talking through everything, including your bitterness at the whole incident, but be extra vigilant in reassuring her of your feelings for her, and of her endurance and coherence since then in your relationship.

I know how much you must hurt.
I once lost such a friend too. Billy, a golden spaniel, who again was raised from a pup. He came with me everywhere, even after he'd been hit by a car he came running, limping and crawling to the roadside just to get to me after it happened, and he survived months after that.
Being a dog, he barked and growled a lot as we played and teased around my backyard, which irritated our neighbour at the time.
I came home from school one day, and he was lain on his side in our garage, a tiny trickle of blood from his mouth. The neighbour had given him strychnine on a piece of meat just before I got home, he was still warm to touch. I probably missed saving him by less than an hour.
In a fit of temper, I lobbed a large stone across our 6 foot dividing wall, smashing his 5ft high by 10ft wide bay window. He knew it was me, but had no proof, so I revelled in my crime.
I'm not suggesting you find a large rock or anything..........
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Old 03-23-12, 07:17 AM   #3
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I'm a chick, and my partners a dude, it was not peaceful, he fought it and a 15 minute procedure turned into a 2 hour ordeal. My partner has pretty much palmed me off, waiting for me to get over it. Him and his family have continued their lives happy and appearing unaffected.

Her injuries were minor, a few stitches, he was completely defending himself as he was restrained, she came at him.

I agree, the breed has a discusting label, and more importantly people need proper education, this could happen with any breed mind you.

That being said, you wouldn't run at a Rottweiler though and grab it by the neck would you?

Common sense is not as widely known as it should.


And for one persons incredibly stupid actions, my world is gone.
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Old 03-23-12, 07:19 AM   #4
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Sorry to hear about billy, trust me when I say that I can relate to the pain you feel/felt
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Old 03-23-12, 06:37 PM   #5
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Firstly, humblest apologies for the chick/dude faux pas, I feel like a right one now !!!

Your partner 'palming you off', inconsiderate to say the least, but while not condoning his attitude, I do understand it. Not everybody can relate to an animal as a conscious and feeling creature as some of us do, and find such deep feelings childish or immature. If I might suggest, again, that you and he just sit down and talk about it? Let him know how deeply upset you feel, and try to get this out in the open and cleared. If he isn't prepared to listen to and at least try to understand your feelings(he doesn't have to agree with them), then perhaps it indicates a less than perfect relationship between you, and maybe you need to reevaluate some things? A little support in a relationship is a basic.

The Rottweiler breed does have a somewhat unsavoury reputation, however I know it's only down to the individual dog, and how it's treated and reared, but when there IS an attack, it's noted by everybody since the dog is so powerful and it's harmful potential is so well known.
In fact, did you know my friend 'Billy's' breed, golden spaniel, are more notorious for being tempremental and attacking than the Rott? They're just not as strong or large, so are not considered such a threat.

Please don't think I'm being harsh Chilli, but it's been a year now, and you really should try to move on with your life. Perhaps it's the perpheral complications of the whole situation has kept the pain alive in you rather than the actual loss of your friend?
Maybe, if you changed a few of these circumstances, the pain would subside? Your memories of Rougar will always be there, good and bad, but it's time to let him rest now.
He's happy now, isn't it time you were?

Life's a bitch, huh?
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Old 03-23-12, 10:00 PM   #6
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It certainly is
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