a story btw it sux
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a story btw it sux

This is a discussion on a story btw it sux within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; this is a story im writing its a rough draft and its unfinished tell me what u think Thoughts fill ...

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Old 08-08-10, 04:46 AM   #1
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this is a story im writing its a rough draft and its unfinished tell me what u think


Thoughts fill my head and I fall to the floor. I try to block it out but it fills my mind, the voice telling me to get the razor out. The one I hadn’t used in months. To hurt myself like I used to, but I wasn’t going to give in. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it. I looked down at my wrist, at the scars that had been there for a year now. I’d counted them over and over 13...13 scars on my left wrist alone. I’d cut the same ones over and over, never thinking that the scars would remain for so long. I clenched my arms and felt my fingernails brake through the skin. I felt the blood run down my arm warm, fresh , and not from an accident. When they saw the marks there’d be numerous questions, but it felt good, the pain that is. I didn’t feel dead anymore but I knew it was wrong. I pulled my hands away and stood up, ignoring the voice and walked to the bathroom. I got a towel and got the blood off not to noticeable, but when it scabbed over they’d see it the crescent shapes, four in a line on both forearms. I shouldn’t have done it, but its to late now. I whispered to myself “well this is not how I planned to spend my Saturday nigh” I went back into my bedroom and changed into a long sleeve shirt. Then I heard the phone ring so I ran downstairs and caught it on the fourth ring I was home alone so no one else was there to answer it “hello” “hey, Anne this is Gracie. Are we still meeting at the movies tonight?” “What? oh yeah, totally 7:30 right?” “Yep, well seeya there.” “k later.” I pressed the END button on the phone and flopped on the couch. I looked at the clock 5:46. I got up and slowly started up the stairs and into my room I picked out some clothes and went to the bathroom I pulled up my sleeve and looked at my arms I’d need to wear a long sleeve shirt to the movies so I got a quick shower and got dressed then straightened my hair and went downstairs. 6:23. I went in the kitchen and grabbed a soda and sat on the couch grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels nothing on I threw the remote aside and let my head fall back and I closed my eyes. Why did I ever agree to doing this? oh yeah so I could fit in. Like I ever will. I fell into dreamland, where I fit in and I wasn’t the outcast.
I was in school sitting at the lunch table with a group of people I only dreamed of talking to. I woke up I had this dream almost every time I fell asleep. I looked at the clock 7:04. I had to go I put my soda down, and grabbed the keys to dads car he loaned it to me for the night I only lived ten minutes from the theatre so I wasn’t in a hurry. I parked and sat there for a few minutes when I saw gracie and the other kids from school walk in I got out and went in I found Gracie “hey grace” “hey!” why was she always so entheusiastic about everything? “ready for the movie?” “yeah, sure” we were seeing some scary movie I’d forgotten the name of it we bought tickets I bought a red bull to help me stay awake. then we went to find seats I sat by Gracie she was the only real friend I had. We talked through the previews. when the movie started it got quiet I got my phone out and started texting one of my friends from my old school. I’d been going to this school for two months and only had one friend well atleast one I acctually knew. I had a lot of “friends” I guess just not good ones. I didn’t fit in anywhere I never had. Everyone here was preppy I was the only one that wore jeans and a t-shirt every day. oh yeah and hi-top converse. all the other girls wore skirts and nice little designer shirts. I could wear that if I wanted to but I was a tomboy through and through. I wear some make up occasionally. all the other girls wear god awful amounts. Gracie wasn’t any different on the looks but she was nice and she was down to earth unlike the others.
I pulled my legs up and hugged them with my head resting on the top. Gracie looked over “whats wrong?” “nothing im just tired” “oh are you going to be ok” “yea ill be fine” “sure?” “yeah” “Ok” I wish she didn’t worry about me so much. I stood up. “where are you going?” “To the bathroom” “oh ok” I walked to the bathroom and went to the mirror I looked horrible. I turned the water on and splashed my face. then went to the counter and got another red bull I downed the other one in two drinks. I went back to the movie and sat down. The movie sucked at least what I saw of it I was to deep into my mind to pay much attention.
I kept running my fingers over the scars. they were slicker than the rest of my skin. I wish they would just disappear but then I tuittgg5p6
wouldn’t have the constant reminder not to do it again. I dozed off and awoke to Grace shaking me awake. “Anne, Anne are you ok!? “what?” “you were screaming and shaking!” “oh I I just had a bad dream” I thought back to it, it was me. I’d sliced my wrist open and it was pouring out blood. I’d never had that dream before. I looked down and I was clenching my wrist for a second I thought I saw blood. but it disappeared. what the hell was going on? The movie wasn’t over but grace was worried so she drove me home. We left my dads car there. I tried to convince her I was fine but she wouldn’t listen. When we got to my house she told me she was going to stay over that night to make sure I was ok. We ordered pizza and watched a movie. I passed out on the couch. I fell into dream land. I was in a forest, it was night time. I looked around. I heard something I spun around my heart racing. Nothing. The voice came again. I fell on my knees holding my head in my hands. I felt something run down my face. I pulled my hand down. my wrist was sliced open like in the last dream. I woke up screaming and crying Grace who had fallen asleep in the chair rushed over to see if I was ok I was sure I was bleeding I felt it on my I looked down and it was running down the sides of my forearm and on to my jeans.
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you try not to think about it....tryings not enough...to late the pain sets in and all i think about is needing you in my life again......
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Old 08-08-10, 07:55 AM   #2
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At first I thought the flow of this was a little disjointed, but as I read it a second time I think that kinda adds to the pain being described. Ive never been a cutter myself, so it is kinda hard for me to relate to this type of behavior, but I think i understand it much better now.

I hope you continue to work on this piece, a few grammatical errors to correct but then again... that's what the re-write process is for.

thanks for sharing this wake.
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Old 08-10-10, 06:46 PM   #3
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:P dnt know if thts good or bad but r welcome....
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you try not to think about it....tryings not enough...to late the pain sets in and all i think about is needing you in my life again......
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