I think I am only just realizing that my mom is gone. She really was my best friend and I am just sick over losing her. Towards the end her mind was gone and she was weak and sick and probably in pain... she didnt really know what was going on around her and she didnt really know who ppl were anymore and she told me that she wanted to go be in Heaven and that my love and the love of my dad and siblings was holding her here on earth and she didnt want to be here anymore. So, I guess I am grateful that she passed peacefully in her sleep at home in bed and not in a "home" with nurses she didnt know all around her. Its been a little over a month since she died and I just dont know what to do. On monday I had a dream about her and kept wondering if I had been there and not ten hours away could I have done more? I feel guilty for moving away from her 2 years ago but I had to go and start my life, at least thats what I thought. Turns out this life here sucks. I visited whenever I could and we talked on the phone and she had my siblings and my dad there with her.... I dunno what Im saying really, I just wish she didnt have to go....

Hey hey,

I'm 40 and I haven't lost a parent yet- but I can imagine what it feels like. It doesn't mean I know.

I've lost a lot of people I love, though. There's always this utter sense of loss for me that no matter what I do, I can't bring them back. I know that might sound dumb, but there it is.

I don't mean to get religious here, but I do think that when people die they're still out there somewhere. For example, I still talk to my grandma even though she's been dead for over ten years. That might sounds psychotic or even just overly spiritual. But I think there's a lot to be said for talking to dead people.

Even if you don't believe in life after death there's still memories, there's still those strangely ephemeral waves that people create through their very existence. I think it's worthwhile remembering the good times. Remembering what people said. Evoking them in your own mind.

We only miss people because we love them. And we only love them because they're worth it.

I'm sorry- that was probably a bit waffly.

From what it sounds like, you mom loved you and the family very much. You sound as if to already be on the right path since you understand what she was likely going through. There wasn't anything you could do to help the situation other than what you did. It was likely difficult for her to let you guys go, but you have to understand that it was in everyone best interest... She's no longer in pain, the family is able to begin the grieving process knowing shes no longer in pain, and so forth. But no one is rushing you to "get over it", she was your mom and best friend, take your time, smile, and be happy because it's probably what she would want.