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RIP my Dad

This is a discussion on RIP my Dad within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; This Sunday I turn 21. I have planned this party with my friends the night before and the day of ...

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Old 02-18-10, 11:45 PM   #1
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This Sunday I turn 21. I have planned this party with my friends the night before and the day of I plan to well, I donít have plans simply because I feel this ball welling up in my chest getting ready to choke me and I just pray it does not happen.
This Sunday will be the 5 year memorial of my Dadís death. I remember it all so crystal clear it kind of makes me sick. My dad woke me up by singing his loud crazy version of happy birthday and I was making breakfast and getting ready for my sweet 16. Him and my mom were fighting but he kept asking me how I was and how it felt to be so old at 16 and if I needed a cane. Even in their fighting he was still so good. He got up to go the restroom but only made it to the bedroom before he couldnít breathe. He was so afraid and we couldnít figure out how to get his oxygen tank to work. He asked to me to call 911 (if you knew my dad he never wanted to go to a doctor or the hospital ever so this alone scared me). I flagged down the paramedics and got them into him. They checked him out only to find his oxygen levels were way to low. He fought them to stay home because he was wearing oxygen and wanted to be at my birthday party but I told him it was okay. He could go get checked out then be home in time for dinner. After all with all his other hospital trips this is usually what happened. So he left with the ambulance and my mom and I got ready to go and went to the hospital about 30 45 min latter.
When we got there he was in a bed in so much pain he was crying. And his oxygen was not helping much. The doctor came in and told us they would have to intibate (AKA shove a tube down his throat so he could breath) him and move him to ICU. He said no so my mother and I fought with him. He finally gave in and they had us leave the room so they could put him to sleep and move him. Nurses started rushing in and out and one told my mother and I not to leave that things were not looking good. They called us in while they performed CPR. There was no response and they called him at 4 26.. I was born at 6 26 only 16 years earlier. With no respect for the dead they left us alone with him strapped down with a tube still in his throat eyes wide open and he looked so afraid. My daddy was gone and I still have yet to cry without getting mad at myself and shoving it to the back of my head.
I just needed to vent again thanks for reading
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Old 02-18-10, 11:50 PM   #2
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Oh my God I am so sorry. My grandpa died on my sixteenth birthday but it would be nothing like watching it happen. I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man and I hope you still hold onto all the good memories of him. I would celebrate my birthday as a memorial of my life and his instead of the day he died, but that's easy for me to say.
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Old 02-18-10, 11:56 PM   #3
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Yea, that's rough man, my dad hardly took care of himself either... Somethin I kinda picked up from him. Cancer had spread all over his body, I was thirteen when it happened so we was around the same age when we lost our fathers. It hurts sometimes, I miss mine too, but the important thing is we we're blessed to have them with us in the first place, mourning is always hard, hope you're able to cope.
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Old 02-20-10, 03:29 PM   #4
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Its nice to know other people know what i am going through from experience. Makes me feel a bit less like a huge baby
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Old 02-20-10, 11:34 PM   #5
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Somethin like that's rough on everybody buddy, even without depression, glad you're not feeling alone on this. We'll always mourn, but with time comes change and acceptance. Good luck on that
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