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This is a discussion on RIP within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; A year has passed since you, the only person who ever liked me, the only person that loved me, have ...

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Old 03-04-15, 05:14 PM   #1
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Unhappy RIP

A year has passed since you, the only person who ever liked me, the only person that loved me, have died in car crash. I think i cant really explain in words how much you mean to me.
10 mins more and it will be 5th of March. For most people just a regular day. Day where they will go to job, school, have fun, talk, love... just an ordinary day. But for me, its the day i lost my heart. Its the day when you suddenly vanished.
I remember how we talked every single day at exactly 10pm. My parents never knew about you and your parents never knew about me and we knew eachother for lots of time, i am really sorry but i cant recall the exact date.
You were my ex-girlfriend, damn i still wonder what could have been if you didnt move to that city... Would we still be together? Would you still be alive? Would i be happy? I keep pushing those questions in my mind on and on again.
I havent mentioned this topic for so long. I just crash when i talk about it, but i need to idk... show you how much you mean to me. I visited your grave once, burnt a letter to you on it. Did you ever get it? I never made a copy of that letter and i still remember every single word i wrote in it.
You were just so... idk.... you had something in yourself, you had something that made me happy. In the days i contemplated suicide as a teen, you were there, you talked to me, you turned me from total wreck to happy person. I slept well coz of you and coz of rest of my friends. But those friends betrayed me. They made a bad joke about me, spread it around as rumor and threw out with it every person that i considered my friend, except for you. You were there for me. You were on the phone with me, after i self harmed then. You were giving me hope when i didnt think there was any.
I will never forget you, i never talk about you unless forced to. I keep you in the back of my mind every single day.
It ticked midnight now. The year has passed officially. With this i want to let you know that, even though we separated back then when you were forced to move to different city, that i loved you. Not in physical way, but you were attractive, way above my pitiful league, you were amazing person, i loved you as a friend. And you loved me as one too.
Why did the God take you? You had life to live, you had people that love you, everywhere and i had you to love me and i loved you.
I am alone now, burried in memories of those days with you, those wonderful memories.
I know what you would say to me now, you would smile softly through the telephone and say "Everything will be alright". You were only person that i would believe those words. They were so honest, always. You were the most positive person that i known

I could write this forever but i am just breaking more and more. I am sorry, i know you wouldnt want me to cry, but i miss you, you left a hole in my heart. It hurts every day and i wont talk about it anymore. i will let the pain sync in. I know you would want me to be happy. And i promise you that i will do my best, i really promise you. I just wish you were here, that voice of yours.... sweet and soft and.... i cant write more.

Please, rest in piece, i know you are in Heaven right now. if Heaven is on sky, i know you are looking at me from above, every day at 10pm.

RIP my bestie, hope to meet you again, in hopefully long time. I wish i came sooner, but i wont,,, i must fight, i know you would force me to fight and i am gonna fight, not for myself, but for angel, for you,
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Old 03-04-15, 06:10 PM   #2
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Wow, that was really deep and moving. You have an amazing soul.
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Old 03-04-15, 07:39 PM   #3
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That is a great way to honor your friend. I hope she is at peace watching over you.
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Old 03-04-15, 10:51 PM   #4
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You're a good guy nsdimitrije. Take care of yourself while I'm gone, ok?
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Old 03-05-15, 01:17 PM   #5
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Thank you guys, and i will try lucid.

Keep thinking about her whole day... this is why i rarely mention her, coz i know how much i miss her every second. :( I hope these feelings will go back to backside of my mind soon. :( She is gone but not forgotten, but cant afford to think about her if i plan on kicking the depression out of my mind.
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Old 03-06-15, 06:17 PM   #6
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Awe You're a good person, Dimitrije. I didn't know today was the day. If you need to talk, I will be here.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because in the end those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. - Dr. Seuss
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Old 03-06-15, 08:33 PM   #7
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I was just watching a movie celebrating the life of a friend who was killed in a crash a few years ago by watching a movie his friends made with photos and video clips of his. Some people are unforgettable. When I got on here the first article I read is this one about the same kind of thing. I'm sorry you lost her. I'm sorry for how it hurts and how you can never replace that person in your life. I hope you stay strong and hung on through the anniversary pain. It's no fun to be where you are.

Share tears and private miseries of loss with you.
We have to become creative problem solvers, not just tolerant burden barers.
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Old 03-07-15, 08:46 AM   #8
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Thank you guys a lot.

I am feeling a bit better, but still low. Miss her so much... Hope that tomorrows coffee with friends will lift me up a bit...

So sorry you are going through similar thing hottea. :(
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Old 03-07-15, 09:00 AM   #9
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nsdimitrije~This posting was so eloquently done. Just know that we're here for you.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ~ Bruce Lee

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
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