My shep/lab mix that I had from the time she was 6 weeks old passed away over the weekend. Precious was 11.
I am a shut in, my agoraphobic tendencies do limit me. I'm home on SSI because I just can't deal with human beings. My whole world revolves around home; the kids and pets, my house yard and gardens.
8 years ago I had ye ol total mental breakdown and slipped into a depression that came close to ending me. It may sound odd but the one thing that kept me from committing suicide wasn't my children or family members or significant other; they would all survive with a decent quality of life without me. It was my dog who would have had a sucky life without me and I couldn't do that to Precious so we made a pact. I promised her I would take care of her for the rest of her life.
I kept my promise. I was there petting her and talking to her when she took her last breath.
It started a lil over 2 weeks ago when my daughter came into my room and it was Mommy there's something wrong with Precious. Mutt spent a few days at the vet, came home and had another episode and we ended up at the last vet that saw her. He drained a lot of fluid from her pericardia sack and poked it full of holes. He explained that the heart tumor like what she had usually took German Sheps out at 8 or 9 years old. He told us she would die by a bleed out. He told us we were just buying a little time with her, he said if we were lucky a couple weeks. We got two weeks to the day of the procedure and we all made sure they were the most spoiled weeks of her life. She was not suffering and even got to do some of her usual things. She ended on a good day. She didn't want to leave me I could tell and she wouldn't go until I started telling her that she was going to go play in the snow. (she loved snow swimming and doggie snow angels) She was seeing things that I was not. I'm not particularly spiritual but there are 10 dimensions we cant see vibrating in hyperspace... angels? loved ones who have already crossed over? both? She saw the other side. I know when my time comes she will be the first thing I see bum rushing me moms home and 10 to 1 she'll have our Guinea pig on her back and our 3 legged cat Ditto will be right behind her. As much as it hurts to lose her it was worth all this pain to have her for so many good years. My life would have been so much less then it is without her if I had kept living at all. I thanked her for everything she did for all of us and I told her she did a good job.
I don't feel as safe here without my big dog. I worry about tripod kitty and the pig being outside without our protector. I miss hearing the jingle of the tags on her chain when she shook. I keep looking in all the places she liked to lay down. I step around phantoms in the living room and kitchen. I go outside when I don't need to...
I think that yes in time I will train a new pup to be a good dog, but not just yet. I do need that special love a dog gives her mom. and I need to give that back. Precious wants mom to have that love and be protected. I'll share my life with another dog that needs me but not yet.