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Is it possible to be grieving for somebody who isn't dead?

This is a discussion on Is it possible to be grieving for somebody who isn't dead? within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; ohh hhh. .. ok, i get ya. .. i don't know. .. i think sometimes things need to be worked ...

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Old 06-01-09, 04:41 PM   #31
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ohh hhh. .. ok, i get ya. ..

i don't know. .. i think sometimes things need to be worked through, and sometimes things need to be settled by not giving it a place anymore, but idk, i'm not a therapist ...
but it sounds like it's something that still really bothers you. ..
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Old 06-02-09, 01:57 PM   #32
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I'm tired of being hurt, but at the same time, I'm getting used to it. It's become such a part of my life that I fear that I would be losing a piece of myself if I got over it. I don't know if that makes any sense.
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Old 06-03-09, 07:27 AM   #33
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Why is my heart still holding on to hope that he'll return when my head tells me that he's not coming back? I can't keep living with the false hope that he'll come back, so how can I get myself to realize the truth? Yet, I dread that day when it finally does hit me that he's gone.
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Old 06-03-09, 07:48 AM   #34
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(((((((((((((((((Boulevard Traveler))))))))))))))))))))

sorry your still hurting so... :(
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Old 06-03-09, 08:36 AM   #35
 
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hey BT...i just noticed this thread and could only think of this line i heard once...

if you love someone you have to let them go, and if it comes back then you know it was meant to be

keep it in mind and try not to be so, well to pick a bad word to use dramatic..., I mean he has problems right now, there is no assuming what extent they go to. Perhaps he is lost forever, maybe its just meds and he'll bounce back. Maybe you'll have fallen out of love with him by then, maybe not...maybe it will be in twenty years.

Whatever the case, these things always play around in our minds when we're separated from someone we care about. The bottom line is you don't have to act as if he didn't exist, or ignore it, or fall out of love or in love ... you can just leave it at what is. He is in need of help right now, he is getting that...hope for the best for him and know this is not the time for him to be engaged in relationships. Meanwhile you live your life, don't dwell on him or the two of you cause that cannot happen right now, but if in time he returns and things are as you left them then you can pick up where you left of. If you have in fact fallen out of love by then, there is nothing you can do and he will understand that things change. He will be ok, and it is not up to you to predict the future and prepare for it now. Just take it as it comes.

Sorry about the use of the word dramatic, I'm not meaning it in the sense that you are exaggerating, but that perhaps you are overthinking it and its turning into a serious drama in your mind, when in reality there is nothing to be done and nothing expected of you right now. It is upsetting to any person when they want ot be involved in someone's life and help them through thick and thin and cannot, it is natural and you should not feel as if there is anything wrong with that - you are a good person and the type of friend any of us would be lucky to have around. But then I don't think any of us would ever wish for someone to hang their hopes on us and our recovery whilst we are undergoing treatment...so you must see he would be ok with you moving on no matter what. And at the point where your paths cross you will know what feelings remain and if it is worth taking up a relationship, remaining friends, or just leaving it as a good memory of the past.

If it really won't let your mind rest, you can try perhaps contacting someone who you know is close to him and see if they think it would help to have his friends from uni around to reassure him its all ok. Otherwise I really think you are doing the right thing...and you really have nothing to feel so much anguish over...though it does show what a kind hearted and genuine person you are and that's always nice to see in ourselves when faced with adversity. :)
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Old 06-03-09, 07:36 PM   #36
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It's ok, sybil, I needed to hear it. His friends really want to be there for him too, but he hasn't talked to anybody. As I said, the last time I spoke to him, he sounded so cold and distant. He sounded like he didn't want to be talking to me. Was that his depression speaking? Maybe, maybe not.

I wish I can just forget about him and move on, but I can't. Hardly a day goes by when I don't think of him.My tender little heart is like a sponge. Push it and it leaks. Sometimes, I wish I had a heart of ice cold stone.
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Old 06-03-09, 07:44 PM   #37
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So sorry dear....I'm sure it was the depression talking...as I recall he was pretty ill wasn't he...please forgive me if I'm wrong.

If you don't mind me asking where is he now?

You are too kind and giving to ever have a heart of ice...

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Old 06-03-09, 08:16 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by totallyamazed View Post
So sorry dear....I'm sure it was the depression talking...as I recall he was pretty ill wasn't he...please forgive me if I'm wrong.

If you don't mind me asking where is he now?

You are too kind and giving to ever have a heart of ice...

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If he landed in the hospital, then yes, he was pretty ill.

I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I guess the only real consulation I do have that I know he's not dead. If he was dead, I would've heard about it from one of our mutual friends.

I wish I wasn't so kind and giving because I get hurt that way.
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Old 06-03-09, 08:57 PM   #39
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I'm sorry your hurting...I hope that time will heal your pain...

I thought I remembered him going to hospital...it can take along time to get better depending on the severity of his illness...I'm sure he never intended for you to be hurt...
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Last edited by totallyamazed; 06-03-09 at 09:01 PM.
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Old 06-03-09, 09:21 PM   #40
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I hope time does heal all wounds, or rather makes it easier to deal with.

I don't believe that he intended to hurt anybody either. I think that his problems just got out of control. I hope he gets better and gets his life back together.
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