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Is it possible to be grieving for somebody who isn't dead?

This is a discussion on Is it possible to be grieving for somebody who isn't dead? within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I don't understand why everyone I try to get close to ends up leaving me or they use and abuse ...

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Old 05-14-09, 10:19 AM   #11
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I don't understand why everyone I try to get close to ends up leaving me or they use and abuse the trust and love I give them. Just when I appreciate how much they've filled my life, they're gone just as quickly as they came in without so much as a 'goodbye, thank you for being my friend' or I find out that they're lying. And the pain that is left behind is so bad that I'm often left wishing that I had never met them.

I'm sick and tired of being hurt. Sometimes, I wish I had a heart of ice cold stone so I wouldn't get hurt anymore.
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Old 05-14-09, 07:16 PM   #12
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(((((BT))))))
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Old 05-14-09, 08:03 PM   #13
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Don't I understand that feeling. The trouble is when you build up walls, and create ice hearts, you also keep the people who would love you forever out. It's hard not to, and sometimes we have to put up a wall for a while....

idk but right now you're grieving and I think that's okay, it'll take a while to process this, but if you can, don't let it hold you down from loving, learning, and experiencing the rest of life.
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Old 05-14-09, 08:45 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlbinoRat View Post
Don't I understand that feeling. The trouble is when you build up walls, and create ice hearts, you also keep the people who would love you forever out. It's hard not to, and sometimes we have to put up a wall for a while....

idk but right now you're grieving and I think that's okay, it'll take a while to process this, but if you can, don't let it hold you down from loving, learning, and experiencing the rest of life.
Maybe that's what happened to Clayton...

I feel really silly for missing Clayton when everyone else here acts like he's never existed, even his friends. I feel like I should've gotten over it by now. I learned about what happened to Clayton back in Feburary.
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Old 05-14-09, 09:32 PM   #15
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You know I actually think it's more normal not to forget about someone. When you lose someone you care about you don't stop thinking about them after a few weeks a month or two. They stick with you sometimes for years, and depending on who they are it could be forever.

Have you thought about reading what people do when they're grieving? I once found an article on grieving that said whether it's for someone we've lost through death, or if they've just gone away grieving is normal.

What about working to find closure? Or (well I just said that because I had a sentence I wanted to say but I forgot it, but I thought it was good and forgot and put another sentence in there, but closure can be good too).
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Old 05-15-09, 04:17 PM   #16
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How can I find closure? I'm scared that he'll return and I'll have fallen out of love with him.
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Old 05-15-09, 06:01 PM   #17
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I didn't know how to verbalize my answer to your question, just because closure means so many things for different people. So I went and did some research so that I can link you to some things that could help.

Creating closure doesn't mean that you're stopping the love that you have for a person. For example when someone dies, and create closure, when we let them go, that doesn't mean we stop loving them any less. We've just made peace with it. It's the same with relationships. Sometimes in the beginning you may have to close your heart while you're going through the process of finding that peace. But it doesn't have to stay closed to that person or to anyone else forever.

Here's a link on grief it talks about ways to heal from it: Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement

There are other links on grief, but this was at the top of the list.

Here is a quote in a thing I read on Closure (I didn't like the article itself but I liked this): "Closure, although it sounds final, doesn't have to be. It's a simple act of letting the past be just that. The past. It doesn't mean that you can't ever open it again to take a peak or that you can't ever have it again. But it does mean that you have to let it go as it was, because the way it was, is surely gone. And given that for whatever reason it didn't work, it is probably good that it can't be that way again. After all, it didn't work. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be, or that it was, but in a different form than the way it was."

For me Closure is making peace with the past. It isn't dismissing the event or the person. It's accepting the things that happened, so that I can move forward in life. It's really hard to do, and takes a lot of time. But when I think of closure I think of 'making' peace. It's not sayings it's over goodbye. It's letting the dust settle.

At least that's what it is to me. I know right now in my life I am seeking to continue to find closure/peace in a lot of unclosed areas of my life, while trying to keep on going. And I think it's worth it. Making peace and being at peace with oneself.

Easier said than done I know >,<, but when you're ready, it will happen.
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Old 05-15-09, 08:20 PM   #18
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when I wrote the letter to my father several years ago, it didn't mean I stopped loving him. It meant that I was grieving a loss - acknowledging something that wasn't going to be. It is still an expression of love but it is also an expression of a need to move on with your life and this is how you're going to do it. The world does move and in order to live, you need to move with it and this is not wrong - it is a reality check and it does not diminish your heart's capacity in any way. Please BT be kind to yourself and free yourself in a loving manner.

((((hugs)))))
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Old 05-15-09, 11:45 PM   #19
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((((((((BT)))))))) i'm sorry u feel so hurt
i don't know why u worry u will fall out of love with him, do u feel it is wrong if u do?
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Old 05-16-09, 09:50 AM   #20
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I would feel very wrong if I did fall out of love with him, BG. I don't know why, but I don't want to fall out of love with him.
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