My dad died in October 2008 at the age of 84. His death was sudden. In fact, while he was on the palliative care unit (where he lived a total of 3 days), he asked my mom if he would be going home. She said "No." Then he asked if he was dying. She said "Yes." He replied, "Damn."
It's been almost 2 years, and i still can't deal with my mom without my dad.
Mom has always been "the unhappy type" and i figure i inherited my depression from her. Dad was strong and could handle bad news and tough situations. i always looked up to him and saw him as the kind of adult i wanted to be. Mom was never a role model for me . . . i wanted nothing more than to NOT be the depressed, negative, insecure sad-sack that she was.
Unfortunately i seem to have been born unhappy. My mom told me that she always knew i was an unhappy child. I don't know why my parents never got me any help. My big sister says it's because they were born in the 1930's -- that they consequently didn't believe in psychiatry.
I have a hard accepting that since my mom's mother was being treated by a psychiatrist that my parents arranged for her when she had to come live with us. It took a suicide attempt in college for me to get help. oh well.
so anyway, now that my navigator is gone, i can't figure out how to talk to my mom or visit with her. I live 6 hours away, and it's hard to motivate myself to go see her when it won't make her happy (and will stress my ability to maintain my happiness or positive contentment).
Avoiding her is wrong. My brother and sister (who live within 30 minutes of mom) don't understand me. But it just haven't figured out how to deal with visiting her or even talking on the phone.