Not dealing with mom after dad's death
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Not dealing with mom after dad's death

This is a discussion on Not dealing with mom after dad's death within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; My dad died in October 2008 at the age of 84. His death was sudden. In fact, while he was ...

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Old 08-21-10, 09:19 PM   #1
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My dad died in October 2008 at the age of 84. His death was sudden. In fact, while he was on the palliative care unit (where he lived a total of 3 days), he asked my mom if he would be going home. She said "No." Then he asked if he was dying. She said "Yes." He replied, "Damn."

It's been almost 2 years, and i still can't deal with my mom without my dad.
Mom has always been "the unhappy type" and i figure i inherited my depression from her. Dad was strong and could handle bad news and tough situations. i always looked up to him and saw him as the kind of adult i wanted to be. Mom was never a role model for me . . . i wanted nothing more than to NOT be the depressed, negative, insecure sad-sack that she was.

Unfortunately i seem to have been born unhappy. My mom told me that she always knew i was an unhappy child. I don't know why my parents never got me any help. My big sister says it's because they were born in the 1930's -- that they consequently didn't believe in psychiatry.

I have a hard accepting that since my mom's mother was being treated by a psychiatrist that my parents arranged for her when she had to come live with us. It took a suicide attempt in college for me to get help. oh well.

so anyway, now that my navigator is gone, i can't figure out how to talk to my mom or visit with her. I live 6 hours away, and it's hard to motivate myself to go see her when it won't make her happy (and will stress my ability to maintain my happiness or positive contentment).

Avoiding her is wrong. My brother and sister (who live within 30 minutes of mom) don't understand me. But it just haven't figured out how to deal with visiting her or even talking on the phone.
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Old 08-27-10, 10:48 PM   #2
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hi, scoops,
yeah, sometimes parents are hard to communicate with. i don't communicate with mine very well myself, so i can't give much advice. i'm a good listener, though, if u want to post more about it. . .
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Old 09-16-10, 04:21 PM   #3
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Scoops,

My dad died a couple of years ago too and i also can't deal with my mom or anyone else really for that matter. I also couldn't deal with the rest of my family and was so messed up i didn't even make the funeral. I feel soo messed up all around. I'm so sorry for your situation. Sometimes things are so hard and too complicated to explain and no one understands and people think badly of you but it's not that your bad...you are doing your best. I don't judge you and i hope things look up for you and that you can love yourself even if others think poorly of you. I don't think poorly of you. I believe we can navigate ourselves..it just takes some quieting down of our minds..Sorry if i have said anything stupid or upsetting..i'm feeling messed up today..Take care! Sincerely.
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