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New to this. Here's my story.

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Old 03-11-11, 11:25 PM   #1
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Default New to this. Here's my story.

I am 18 years old, a full time student, and great at showing proper emotions towards society. I have suffered with depression for as long as I can remember.

My first encounter with suicidal thoughts was in 7th grade. My mother became ill after having a gastric bypass and had multiple surgeries to correct each new issue that came up. She became addicted to pain medications and alcohol. At the age of 12 or 13, I became the parent in my house. I cooked, cleaned, and took care of everyone in my family as much as I could, and in this, I grew to be more mature than most people my own age. To be honest, most people at just about any age. I watched my mother drug herself every day and night, fall down stairs, then go into a rehabilitation facility to get her life together. To this day, it still doesn't really help.

When all of this was happening, my father, a driver for a trucking company, had a terrible accident that killed a 4 year old child. He was making a right turn and the trailer of the truck hit a parked car. Because he thought he only hit a guard rail, he drove away never expecting anything to come from it until the police came and arrested him. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter. My most prevalent memories are of having to lay in the same bed as him when I was young to make sure he didn't commit suicide during the night while my mother was away or in the hospital. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of the little girl who was killed in that accident. We think of her constantly, and pray that her family has forgiven what is really the unforgivable.

What brings me here today is that I have lost my best friend, my support system. On January 20th, my only real friend went missing from a parking lot. 5 days later, his body was found in the woods being shot multiple times by someone he considered a friend. I have completely lost who I am, and I don't know where to really start picking up the pieces. I went to a hospital after feeling very suicidal, and even that hasn't helped me. I have no one to talk to about any of this, and the people I have tried to talk to just tell me that there are more horrible things that could happen. Right now, this is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I have lost friends to car accidents and illnesses, but nothing has been as bad and as heartbreaking as this. It just tears me up that no one new will be blessed by his presence ever again. It feels like my world has crashed, and there's no one to help me pick up the pieces. No one really understands how it feels to have no one, not even your family. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish this pain on anyone. I just wish someone would take the time to not tell me what to do I guess.

Is there any helpful advice on how to handle this? I really have no clue where to truly begin. Any helpful information would be amazing.
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Old 03-12-11, 03:39 AM   #2
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Hi SarahSue,

Reading your story is really heartbreaking as I also lost 3 friends to tragic circumstances. One committed suicide after visiting me, another was murdered and my best friend lost her fight against terminal illness. This all happened to me when I was aged between 16-18. Further to this I also had great difficulties in other areas of my life and became the sole care person to my Mum and Dad.

I can advise you that the pain never goes away and people often say that it eases with time. I have not found that this is the case however I have learned to live with everything through finding closure. By this I mean that I have written letters to each of my friends and discovered that I appreciate life so much because they were in mine and made it better. Although I no longer have them I know that the memories, thoughts, laughter and tears that we had together made me the person I am today and I would hope they are proud of me. I have gone on to raise money for charity to show that good can come out of darkness. Unfortunately bad things happen to good people. You will find your way through this and if you want to chat more or ask anything more specific that you thing might help you then please get back to me. Be kind to yourself. xxx
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Old 03-30-11, 05:45 AM   #3
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hi sarah, i read your story with tears in my eyes, and i am so sorry to hear of your loss, no one ever gets over a death they learn to live with it, time is a healer that is true, i lost my dad last christmas very suddenly, we found him dead in his chair from a heartfailure i get good and bad days and at first felt suiicidle and didnt no how i would go on, i had counselling and take antipresants, take every day ads it comes? have you had any counselling? join a support group or berevment group/ i do voulentaty work and it has helped me, i hope my reply has helped somewot, and i wish you luck, kind regards cath x[years old, a full time student, and great at showing proper emotions towards society. I have suffered with depression for as long as I can remember.

My first encounter with suicidal thoughts was in 7th grade. My mother became ill after having a gastric bypass and had multiple surgeries to correct each new issue that came up. She became addicted to pain medications and alcohol. At the age of 12 or 13, I became the parent in my house. I cooked, cleaned, and took care of everyone in my family as much as I could, and in this, I grew to be more mature than most people my own age. To be honest, most people at just about any age. I watched my mother drug herself every day and night, fall down stairs, then go into a rehabilitation facility to get her life together. To this day, it still doesn't really help.

When all of this was happening, my father, a driver for a trucking company, had a terrible accident that killed a 4 year old child. He was making a right turn and the trailer of the truck hit a parked car. Because he thought he only hit a guard rail, he drove away never expecting anything to come from it until the police came and arrested him. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter. My most prevalent memories are of having to lay in the same bed as him when I was young to make sure he didn't commit suicide during the night while my mother was away or in the hospital. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of the little girl who was killed in that accident. We think of her constantly, and pray that her family has forgiven what is really the unforgivable.

What brings me here today is that I have lost my best friend, my support system. On January 20th, my only real friend went missing from a parking lot. 5 days later, his body was found in the woods being shot multiple times by someone he considered a friend. I have completely lost who I am, and I don't know where to really start picking up the pieces. I went to a hospital after feeling very suicidal, and even that hasn't helped me. I have no one to talk to about any of this, and the people I have tried to talk to just tell me that there are more horrible things that could happen. Right now, this is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I have lost friends to car accidents and illnesses, but nothing has been as bad and as heartbreaking as this. It just tears me up that no one new will be blessed by his presence ever again. It feels like my world has crashed, and there's no one to help me pick up the pieces. No one really understands how it feels to have no one, not even your family. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish this pain on anyone. I just wish someone would take the time to not tell me what to do I guess.

Is there any helpful advice on how to handle this? I really have no clue where to truly begin. Any helpful information would be amazing.[/QUOTE]
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