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Old 06-13-09, 01:18 PM   #1
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Hi im new in here but ive decided i nedd to find people to talk to. I went to my dr's yesterday and he has told me i need to see a grief counsoller but im so scared ill end up in hospital if someone heard how bad i feel. The worse thing is i have to see a bereavemnet counsoller about how i feel and my Grandad is still alive , as he has dementia its like ive already lost him. But i feel guilty thinking this and i am scared that im not coping at all. My grandad has terminal cancer, parkinsons, angina, dementia and at the momemt is in hospital with pneumonia. He has been like this for a long time but recently got worse. I am sat at home alone cos im pushing everyone away and feel so alone. please help. x
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Old 06-14-09, 04:15 AM   #2
 
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Hi chell86, I want you to know you are not alone in your feelings! While we may not be in the same situation as you many of us has shared your feelings. I too pushed everyone away from me. I wanted to be alone, but when I was I felt alone and abandoned. It is hard. I am so sorry for your situation and your granddad!
I was in the room with my grandfather the day he died. I was getting him up out of his chair; I was going to take him to the hospital because he was having chest pain. Just as soon as I stood him up his knees buckled and he fell to the floor. He died in my arms right there. I cannot begin to tell you how painful that was for me because I loved him like a father! So believe me when I say I really hate this for you! As far as your doctor’s request, seeing these counselors will not get you put in the hospital, it may however help you to get medication--if you need it. I never felt like I needed any medication, I have never taken any for anything outside of minor aches so it was hard for me to accept it. But I truly feel better now that I am on some meds.

I hope you get someone to talk to, even if it is just on here it can start to help. I have friends that I (IM) with that live 2000 miles away and they were the first step that helped me. From there I got counseling, then meds, and now this forum. And finding people who are going through the same issues has helped me. I have gotten new insights that had not occurred to me until I was on here. Just don't feel like you have to go at this alone. I will help as much as possible and I know many others in here will as well. I hope this helps some!
(((((((hugs))))))))

Last edited by happyplasticmichael; 06-14-09 at 04:18 AM. Reason: needed to add something!
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Old 06-14-09, 03:49 PM   #3
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Thankyou. I feel as though i cant manage to go to the hospital everytime i have been in the past it has played on my mind and i have tortured mself and this time i cant force myself to go and visit, i know this is selfish but how ill i feel at the moment i really dont think i could handle seeing him in pain and suffering. He has been that poorly that i feel it unfair he has to suffer and i hate the fact i have thought it but i sometimes think he would be better of out of this world of pain and syuffering he is in. Im on meds at the minute but i feel they arent helping me at all. Thanks for your reply x x
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Old 06-17-09, 08:09 AM   #4
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Is it the thought of going into hospital that stops you seeing a counsellor or that you feel you will lose control and your emotions will overtake you?

I think you really need to talk to someone, this is eating away at you and it has no way out at the moment. I've been through this too, it is like a poison spreading through you.

I understand you feel like you have already lost your grandad, alive or not, he is not himself. Don't feel guilty, at the moment you are grieving for the grandad you used to have. Watching someone dying is the most awful thing, it feels like it will never end and you know when it does your pain will still go on.

I would really urge you to see a grief counsellor, they are probably more help to you right now, they have helped other people and understand some of the emotions of what you are going through.
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Old 06-17-09, 06:13 PM   #5
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Thanks i just cant help but blame myself maybe if i hadnt imagined him dying he wouldnt be now. Ive just found out he isnt coming home from hospital and im devestated. I feel so sorry for my grandma as she has been married to my grandad for 50 years and its hitting her so hard. God this is soo hard i havent got my appointment through yet and i wish i had a bit of help now i can see my pushing everyone away by the time it gets here.
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Old 06-27-09, 04:43 PM   #6
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chell 86 welcome to ttl, im strawberry!


my gradpa was in a similar situation after a triple bypass surgery.
he remained intubated for over two weeks he could not talk,yet there were tears coming out his eyes.. and i didnt know what to do!! i didnt know if he was in pain!! it was horrible!! after his lung collapsed the doctors had to put a chest tube on his lung to drain the fluid.. and then he got so weak he cought pneoumonia.. and became dillusional. its said in my family that im the strongest one.. so they put me in front of all his medical decisions.. i was so mentally broken i gave up... and didnt want to face him or the hospital. it was too much for me to bear i wanted it all to go away even if that required him to leave us!! it was too much

the doctors put me on xanax for the time being. he said he did not wanted me to regret not spendig what could possibly be his last days... so i had to popped as many pills as i needed to go through it.. my family didnt know about it beacause they put all their trust in my hands.. i felt so overwhelmed.. he recovered after 6 long months..

i do understand whats to be put in that position!! but dont blame ur self. its not selfish to think that someone u love is better off in the other side... i think that`s true love. when u love selflessly, even if that means giving him up.
i hope u get the apointment with the pdoc asap!! in the mean time try to be there for ur grandma as much as ur mentally capable.. take one day at the time.

(((((((((((((comforting huuggssss)))))))))))

strawberry.

hang in there!!!

im thinking of you.

((((((((((comforting hugs))))))))))))

strawberry.
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Old 08-31-09, 05:13 PM   #7
 
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Hi chell 86, in the past two yrs I have lost my 8 yr old daughter, 2 yrs ago today, my nephew (28) died, my best freind died May 3 of this yr, by the end of may I had myself Baker Acted and was locked up for 6 days, and then went into a 28 day drug and alchohol treatment program, I was in so much pain, isolating, and pushed everyone away, and had myself convinced they had abandoned me, it amazes me the tricks our minds will play on us, I also have a niece and nephew 30 and 32 yrs old dying from Huntingtons Disease, I haven't seen them in over 2 years, they have lost their ability to speak and I cannot communicate with them so I do not know what to say or how to act, and when they are gone I am sure I will regret not making more of an effort to visit with them, I already do now, I too am not affraid of dying, but I am afraid of living and not knowing how to cope, therapy and meds are helping, but it is very difficult and most days I don't want to go on, don't be ashamed to get whatever help you need, I am not, I really don't care what anyone thinks of me, they have never been in my shoes and gone through what I have gone through, these things ahve worked for me I hope you find the help you need.........Road Rage

Last edited by Ella; 07-26-10 at 08:15 AM.
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Old 09-04-09, 07:07 PM   #8
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I grieved a lot before my mother actually died, and she was in her right mind still. I thought I was insane, even selfish for feeling grief for someone who wasn't even dead yet. But it turns out that it is actually very normal. After I embraced my grief, I took steps to resolve issues I had with my mom so that after she did die I would have less to feel sorry for...and it did actually help as I think--all things considered--I have handled my mother's death pretty well.

This sounds horrible, but when my mom died--after the initial crying and everything--I actually felt relieved. She suffered for a long time and every day I was tormented with wondering 'is today going to be THE day?' I never knew when IT would happen, and it was all so troubling and depressing. After she did pass and everything settled down, I was able to feel relieved because I didn't have that constant feeling of dread, pity, and anxiety.
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