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This is a discussion on My Story within the Grieving forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; My name is David, I had 6 children now I have 5, Brianna passed away August 31,2007, Bri was adopted ...

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Old 08-29-09, 08:01 PM   #1
 
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My name is David, I had 6 children now I have 5, Brianna passed away August 31,2007, Bri was adopted at 2 days old, My wife and I already had her two siblings for two years, the fact that they are adopted is irrelavent, they are and always be my children, the fact that I am not their biological father is is not important, they are my neices, children, She and my nephew have Huntingtons Disease, they are 30 and 32 yrs old, before my neice went into a nursing home she asked my wife and I to raise her children as our own, and we have, we have had all three girls tested for HD, Brianna would be 10 now, Gabbrielle is 12, Jasmine is 14, Gabby and Brianna tested negative for HD, unfortunately Jasmine tested positive, her doctors say she will be kucky to live beyond 20 or 22 yrs of age, so my wife and I will be burying another child, Brianna had cerebal palsy and a seizure disorder, her codition was non life threatening, however she was bedridden, requiring constant care and nurses around the clock because she was an asperation risk, the nursing staff were aware of this, her night time nurse fell asleep and Bri, vomited and choked to death scared and all alone, I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been for her, she couldn't cry out , she couldn't speak, she couldn't move to try to help herself, it must have been horrible, mommy and daddy could not save her, we trusted these people to care for her as we slept, before we got the nursing care my wife and I took turns staying up all night with her constantly at her bed side, although she could not speak she was fully aware of here what was going on around her, she laughed and smiled when we read to her and played with her and when we hugged and kissed her, she was an angel, trapped in a f%$#ked body, she was, and was expected do do better with speech and physical therapy, My wife and I still feel guilty for sleeping and not being there for here, as a matter of fact, my wife and I our marriage was in trouble and we were seperated at the time and I was not at home when she passed, and I will never know if had I been there I might have made a differance, when I was there I did not sleep, I woke up several times a night and checked on Bri and the nurses, that is my cross I have to bear, by the time the nurse discovered Brianna it was too late, and she tried to cover up what had happened, she cleaned up the vomit and tried to hide the bedding, when she woke up my wife and kids Brianna was already gone and cold to the touch it must have been a couple of hours, not knowing that, my then 18 year old daughter, tried to do CPR as the nurse stood there and did nothing, I will never forget by the time I got home Brianna was on the floor near the front door where my daughter put her when she took her out of bed to do CPR, Brianna's hospital bed was set up in the dining room where she could be near everyone and be a part of everything that was going on we never excluded her from anything, fireman tackled me in the front yard when I arrived at the house, and would not let me near her body until they were done with their investigation, because there was a nurse present they took her account of what had happened, all lies, until we uncovered the truth, yet ubtil this day she has not been charged with anything, had it been just my wife and I home alone without a nurse the cops and the dept. of children and family would have been up our butt and be trying to charge us with neglect and abuse, we do have a lawsuit pending but no amount of money will change anything, we just want to be validated, and the blame put where it belongs and if the nurse does not get any jail time at least they can strip her of her licsence so she cannot do this to another family, we found out after the fact that her and her husband were sued up in NY and lost everything, most likely for the same reason, they are both nurses and had quite a bit of money and a good lifestyle, so I can only speculate how they lost everything, haven't had the money to do a backround check to verify our suspicions, From 0 to 4 years old Bri was a normal, healthy, vibrant child, and then she started to regress and lost her ability to walk and talk and the doctors did not know why, to this day they still do not know why this happened and we even had doctors accuse us of abuse and neglect, and think that we allowed her to drown in the pool or tub and not report it, the next 4 years was a living nightmare, in and out of the ER, with seizures, and no one knew why, the state of FL, took her from us for 8 months until we could prove our innocense, Brianna suffered terribly at the hand pf the state, seperation anxiety, nursing home abuse, she made at least three trips to the ER because the staff left her unattended and she asperated and was deprived of oxygen before they found her and sent her out to the ER, and they were trying to charge us, the charges were dismissed and she came home 8 months later, but not before permenant damage was done, and when we reported the abuse to the state they said there was nothing they could do we had to report the abuse, we would walk into the nursing home and find Bri lying in her own urine and feces, it would be all up her back and in her hair, we would sneak in and take pictures, a guardian ad litem was appointed and the abuse stopped, it was a nightmare, no one thought we would fight to get her back, because the adoption was not final until she came home, it took six years because the state of FL lost there paper work 5 times and dropped the ball and screwed up so badly, I am sure you have seen in the news where so many kids died at the hands of the state here in FL, it is so sad, it has taken such a toll on my family and my marriage, so much so I have PTSD, these events have been so traumatic, if they made a movie it would be an R rated horror movie, since Brianna died I have moved back home, been in and out of drug and alchohol rehab, been addicted to pain meds and alchohol, and been locked up because i have been suicidal, after two years and a lot of treatment I am doing better, but not out of the woods yet, have nearly lost everything, my job, my health, I am disabled now, my Harley, my house is in foreclosure, waiting on SSD, I am tired, life is a struggle, Thanks for letting me share, it helps me to talk about these things, realistically I don't know what can be done, I just need to talk about it until I can work through it

David a.k.a Road Rage
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Old 08-29-09, 10:46 PM   #2
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my goodness. what a nightmare. :(
how are your other children taking it?
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Old 08-29-09, 11:46 PM   #3
 
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they are a lot more resiliant than me and my wife, I am so proud of my three oldest daughters because they did help out so much with caring for their sister, to give mom and I a break, like I said someonr had to be at Briannas side constantly, and they had to sacrifice so much of their own childhood, but they loved their sister so much and they learned a huge lesson in self sacrifice and unconditional love, I can never express just how proud I am of them, they will truly be blessed by this experience
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Old 08-30-09, 09:38 PM   #4
 
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David,

I read every word of your story. What a horror you have lived through. But what really stands out to me is how much love and care you have for your children. I mean, I was really touched by that. It is far from irrelevant. I'm sure it comes naturally to you, so you may not notice or realize, but some people just don't care for their children like you have, even when they are blessed with perfectly normal, healthy, functional children, or have children who are biologically their own.

I'm very concerned about you, and your wife and family also. You don't go through trauma like that without it taking it's toll on a family. Have your children been able to go to therapy? Have you and your wife? I know you said you were in the hospital for suicidal thoughts ( and perhaps gestures?? not sure by what you wrote but hopefully not)..... it may seem like your children are resiliant, but as people get older, I have noticed they forget what it is like being a kid. Kids tend to believe things that happen are their fault unless they have a chance to talk about it, and are specifically told it's NOT their fault. At least that's how it was for me. Children are more intelligent and pick up on far far more things than we think they will.

As for you and your wife, I wonder if it would be possible for you to go to counseling together. I can only imagine the toll your marriage has taken. I've never been married, but I watched my parent's marriage fracture and fall apart because they could not communicate, and could not weather the hard things. Don't know what things are like for you, but I wouldn't wish my parent's marriage on anyone.

I'm glad you're taking some time to think about yourself, and what seems to be an emotional deficit you've been carrying around for some time now. All that catches up with you, as I'm sure you don't need to be told.

LZ
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Old 08-30-09, 09:53 PM   #5
 
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[Removed family picture due to TTL Official Guidelines]

Brianna is youngest, front left, she passed away 8-31-2007, Jasmine, front center has Huntingtons Disease, not expected to live more than ten more years, Gabby, front right , they are all sisters, they are my nieces children, we got them when they were infants, Brianna was just two days old, There mother , my neice has HD, she is 32, her brother, my nephew is 30, also has HD, they are both in a nursing home dying from HD, There father my brother in law passed away years ago, I have been around HD for 35 years, Brianna did not have HD, she died from neglect, her night time nurse left her unattended and she asperated as we slept, this is one of the pictures of how I want to remember her, before she got so sick, with verebal palsy and a seizure disorder, but she could have lived a long time, and she was responding to physical and speech therapy, tomorrow is going to be tough on us, Brianna we love you and miss you so much

Last edited by Amie; 09-01-09 at 07:55 PM.
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