She died today, was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago, and it had spread, so it wasnt totally unexpected, but it still seems sudden given that doctors were talking about it being months, turned out it was only 2 weeks. I live away from her so i was preparing to go and visit her at the end of the month, I thought there was enough time to do that. Turns out, there wasn't, so i didnt even get a chance to say goodbye.
Strangely though, I don't feel sad, I feel....relieved. I havent cried, it shocks me that i dont really feel anything. I mean we weren't really close or anything but still she was family....it just seems like nothing can get an emotional reaction out of me. I just feel guilty for not feeling bad....or rather for not feeling anything at all